(Edited 1/24/2023)

You can learn a lot about yourself when you’ve lived with a narcissist or toxic person long enough. Their traits become yours, directly or coincidentally.

If at all, it even takes a long time for some to realize that they’ve been victim to their own ills, the ones they openly say they hate in others. After all, they say “you hate the thing you are.”

When you do that inner work, you must sit and think of the pain you gave people. Not because of the influences you absorbed and reflected, but because of your own lack of morals and respect at those times. 

Sometimes the fear kicks in about “what if they found about this part of my past, despite my changes?” It’s a valid question, as in recent years, more people on a private and public sector are quickly, and often permanently shamed for their pasts.

That fits better for those that feel no remorse for their actions, and continue living their lives because of their twisted adaptability.

The rest of us? Part of us may feel we deserve it. We may even think, “if they’re being that critical about me, what are they hiding about themselves?” If you fear that, then consider it a good sign of change. It’s one of many great ways of remaining the opposite of who you almost became.

Besides, not all of us may get, or culturally/racially afford, that luxury to come at them the same way. Just do your best to walk in your current truth, instead of living in the past truth the way the critics, or even hypocrites, want to.

I also know how easy it is, and can be to slip into familiar toxic habits and people, especially when they provided false safety in a world like ours.

That’s not you anymore. Not if you’re like me and smiling over getting this far to either read or share experiences to help others.

D.F.