The first ideas of love in every way comes from family. There’s no escaping it, but that’s not the end, either.

Depending on one’s circumstances, you will have the elders teach you what love can be under open-minded beliefs. You’ll have an early idea of whom to call a legitimate friend. You’ll know when to defend yourself from people that want to force friendship, or project hatred onto you.

You’ll specifically have parents that acknowledge their mistakes and switch their actions to match their words. They won’t deflect any shame onto their children, or use them as a punchline to their own friends. And they won’t hide their toxicity from new people after the old ways stop working on blood ties.

Through them, you’ll create healthy boundaries that they’ll support, especially when other authority figures come against you.

Don’t expect that luxury if you were undeniably wrong in a matter. If they’ve been stern teachers and students of accountability, they’ll tell you what you need to hear.

And going back to boundary lessons, depending on your offense, they’ll let you feel the loss of their respect and trust by any means. You’ll have the right to be sad, but hopefully you’ll understand.

Healthy family structures will also support how your heart feels in the romantic realm. They won’t ask when you’ll get a partner, of that you “need” one. Wherever you feel it is best, you’ll find no judgement, only warmth from those that love you for your choices, and will defend you even when you’re not looking.

Not everyone grows up with this progressive and safe family dynamic. Some can do it with a twist that is built on ignorance towards emotional health and growth. Or the more extremes of prejudice, bigotry, and every “-ism” or phobia you can imagine.

It’s often why many will find that “family” isn’t, and shouldn’t be limited to genetic ties. It can be a mix of that and the friends that care for you in ways others you’re born with lacked and still lack.

And if you’re one that wants a family of your own, you’ll either raise yours as a continuation of healing that you’ve had, or as a counterpoint to what you received.

In the end, family is what you choose to make of it. Choose wisely, your present and future will depend on it.

D.F.