People are going to surprise you in the most beautiful, shocking, vibrant, horrifying, and magnificent ways. Surprising yourself is part of that. Whether it’s a onetime action or a consistent one, we choose to do what we feel is right, often without concern of the effects it will have on anyone.

I always think about the times people surprise me in those ways I mentioned, wondering if they do the same. If what they did in the right still feels good to them, or if they’re aware that they insulted another.

And I try not to. When the brain’s not active on something in the present, it will risk rumination. It can still happen, more if it’s based on repetitive hurts from the same people. It’s happened in the middle of writing many of these entries.

The rumination is something I’ve learned how to quiet for a while when the moment calls for it, but the slips still get heavy. Surprising in its haunting ways. When those moments pass, it takes a bit to not beat myself up about it. Just to learn that the hurt that inspired it is worth managing a different way.

The way I’ve relearned how to manage those thoughts has been a mix of remembering the kinder times people surprised me with their love and support. Either in a few words, prayers, a positive or funny meme/video, anything.

Those memories matter just as much as the others that inspire boundaries. The type of boundaries based on those that act kind, until they don’t. Disrespecting your emotions, your intellect, with no sign of stopping even when they’re told what they did to hurt me.

Setting your own boundaries are a significant form of self-love. It’s almost aligned with the love that we can receive from genuine people, friends, and family. It’s a great way to continue surprising yourself, too.

D.F.