A psychologist I watch often once repeated a line about how with a narcissist, you can’t win with them. In a way, it’s true. They are artful in crafting a world that keeps the dependent under their thumb as long as they can.

But I considered something else. Forgive me if I’ve repeated this before in a different way, but while that’s partly true, there’s a way to reframe that. One that favors the true victim over the fake one.

A narcissist needs that sense of victory to fulfill a false image that they need to keep up, just to save themselves from themselves. Even when succeeding in guilt tripping and bully, they fail in positive self-motivation.

You on the other hand, aren’t, or shouldn’t be reliant on other’s misery, pain, and weakness to keep you moving towards your goals. How you move in life can be attractive, motivational, and self-empowering in the long run.

So to me, the narcissist’s “wins” are honored by inner fragile trophies waiting to be replaced. The healing/healed person’s wins are sturdy and illuminate. Even if the narc tries to shame you for them, their existence remains strong.

And the right people outside of the exchange can always tell whose trophies were won with sincerity over selfishness. Whether they choose, and whoever they choose to be consoling or convictive towards is their fight.

So even if you’re in a place where narcissism and any levels of abuse continue to reign, know this. What you do, and what you’ve done to this point to break from it is proof that they their wins are nothing compared to yours. Chances are they are aware of that difference, even if in different words that coddle their ego.

Keep those trophies and awards coming. Keep them polished. For your sake, and for those that truly love you.

D.F.