(Edited 10/26/2023)

For a long time I have been hearing and being told to appreciate what I have now against being frustrated over what I don’t have yet.

Maybe there is angst about that because there’s always been sense of selfishness and control that’s desired from people that want me around for their needs. The same people that are quick to remind me of them after I tell them what I want for myself.

That’s what makes it hard to look at any spin on the “be grateful for what you have” line. I could easily tell myself that the benefit of being here has been to be fueled by inconsistency, trauma, and many secrets to finally speak about it in a style that would be common in this MH space, but unprecedented within many of my family ties.

And for the many reasons I am grateful that I’m not in another space to call my own that’s removed from these environments, sometimes I have wondered if I would have been in a space to have written any of what I had?

I don’t think so.

I would have been in any given location* operating under even remnants of the systems that I grew up with, and believed I was fond of. I would have done more harm to myself than good if I stayed in that place while maintaining a new one.

So without being where I am now physically, the one thing that I can remain grateful for is the chance to fulfill this mission that I may as well have been built for, or even called to begin. I want to believe that others throughout personal generations started it in their own ways.

Who would I be if I wasn’t accepting the call to continue what they began?

D.F.

*This will branch to another topic this Friday.