Last post, I mentioned how I was pretty sick the previous week.

It was that “take days off” kind of sickness. That “watch The Price Is Right with some ginger ale and Saltines” kind of sickness.

Yet I still worked as best as I could since I’m remote. Haven’t felt this level of illness in a while. Adding other health conditions to it heightened concerns, but I did what I had to for comfort when I clocked out.

Under all of that, there lied thoughts about what I was missing out on doing for myself. Thinking of all the health improvements I already made risking being reset if I was down for too long.

Also expecting requests for any (dual) caretaking to be done in that time which may have inspired the sickness. Knowing the “patient” would not care about that detail as they’ve done countless times before.

Clearly a lot of anxiety was felt in here, more than the usual line of it. But there were the moments where I did what I could to remind myself of a few things in its new growth. How to stop the spiraling every time it happened.

Switching to resistance bands while sitting instead of standing. Continue to stand up every 27 to 30 minutes at work, when there was strength for it. And any caretaking requests to be met with a stronger “no” than usual.

Then I realized that I was already doing these thing when I wasn’t feeling any pain while coughing or sneezing. Success in modifying good behaviors during the temporary matters was guaranteed. It was confirmation that what I was doing before was the right thing to do, even in unforeseen matters like this.

It was also my reminder that I needed to slow down enough to avoid that old timey “comfortable” descent. Those feelings of despair and anxiety that I gave into many times in life. Feelings that had me even run to people that prefer me at my weakest, and I thought I was stronger with them.

Admittedly, I’ll have the slipping moments, as you do when you’re reframing your positive and acceptable thoughts and behaviors. In the end, it’s all about making sure you build nd reserve that energy to not only keep you from spiraling, but crawl back up in case you fall back down.

D.F.