I’ve been trying to write something for today that was sticking with the more positive tones that I wanted to do more of this time around. But I couldn’t. There’s a few newly unfinished entries that were the opposite, and I had to re-shift until I knew it was the right time to continue with them.

So instead of writing about any of the “new” topics in that headspace, why not talk about my thought process during their conceptions?

Chances are it’s because I had what could count as breakfast, even after a solid and rare 7 hours of sleep. Making even minimal time outdoors before work could have helped clear the mind. And excusing the mood by saying “I’ve talked about this before, just not with this detail” still felt off.

It’s the short list of things I could have done to stay in the “right” lane, but you get the idea.

I like the softer flow. I like showing that there’s more to my life experiences than pain and disappointment, which even during those entries also has their positive spins to them.

And I’m not saying that I will stop getting deep, because there’s some things that still deserve to be talked about. One of the saves is something brand new, and even then I have to be careful how it’s presented for—and this is a first—legal reasons.

But this was still an opportunity to slow down and recognize the possible sources of these heavy moods. Sometimes it’s even unchecked or unspoken trauma. Or even after for as long as I’ve written, still have concerns that the audience doesn’t understand where I’m coming from.

But I had to remember that not everyone will and has understood me in this era. From (former) friends, ex-love interests, in-laws, and more. And I speak the same towards you.

Not everyone will understand you, or even reject you when you’ve learned how to share your emotions in a healthy and progressive way. They may not have experienced that, and their only answer to it serves as why you’ve chosen peace over conflict. Still, no matter what crowd you’re trying to reach, if any, only a few will stay to hear more.

They won’t give up on you because you haven’t given up on yourself.

Sometimes that’s enough to keep your hands on the wheel, and make the turn you meant to take.

D.F.