At some point in your healing, expect people still in your life to ask you questions that may suggest that they want to do the same. This can include a parent with a history of abuse up to this day.

When they declare that they want to change, you have every right to be hesitant about the claim. Every part of you may want to ignore it and save your energy and time for anyone genuinely ready.

But you do it anyway. That “damned if you do or don’t” feeling will have multiple inspirations. Especially if you know they have a history of telling people, including fellow abusers, about any attempts to heal yourself and others.

At best, the next time you see them, they give off the energy that they may have started to change their habits. It’s one’s right as an abuse survivor to have our heightened senses pick up any development.

At worse, it’s business as usual. You may feel like you wasted your time, and might have given them a blueprint on how and why to double down on their polarizing beliefs.

Time wasn’t wasted.

It’s allowed to hurt when someone you want to fully care for doesn’t make an effort to change, even after they show interest to try. But in that pain lies reasons to continue parenting yourself.

To be the parent that you never had, or will have. To whom it may apply, be the parent to your child that you never had.

D.F.