What the healing journey involves recognizing periods where are you were not a great person, the constant statements that healing is nonlinear holds true.

Last nigh, I was reminded of a point well over 10 years ago. I volunteered for a company which wanted to make an appearance at an indoor amusement park. I declined, but the day of the event where others went instead, I still made my way up there to say hi to those in my place.

I remembered their faces when they saw me. They likely we’re not pleased, but nothing verbal was said about it. But this was at a point where I only thought more about myself and only in later years that I mildly reflect on how that may have looked to them.

So yes, it was so long ago that the people involved may not even remember. Honestly, I only remember the name of one of the people there. 

Perhaps the reason I do recall is to let it be part of the lessons I had to teach myself again, both later in life and leading up to now.

I can also consider it showing up at the right time where I can speak on this so openly in the way that is aligned with what I’ve begun to speak on for years now.

I also believe it’s also tied to how much I do not want people to feel any way that I could have imagined them feeling in a selfish act, or what they told me how and why I hurt them, only to be indifferent or reject their claim. Only to remember the countless times that has happened towards me, pointing out or venting frustrations with unapologetic people, hoping they would hear me out for once.

Crossing my fingers that they would change stunted the chance for me to sit with everything long enough to be better than all sides of those memories. But I needed changing myself. Not just in words, but in actions.

I have repeated many times before how past mistakes should be lessons and not anchors. While that is still true, something else recently inspired a remix to that.

Do not treat your past mistakes as anchors. Instead, let them be propellers towards a better direction. One that your future self is cheering you on loud enough that you can continue to follow their voice.

Surely there will be many other memories to feel that way towards. I will continue to do my best to follow that voice, as I have years ago to make sharing this and much more possible.

– Kingston Priest