New situations can bring out old pains. Even when you’re healing from them, they always have a way to come back and jolt you. Not as bad as the first, second, or thirtieth time they happened, but they do.

Try not to be disheartened by the effects, no matter how long they linger. While the circumstances can be unique that reopen emotional wounds, it takes some level of conditioning to talk your way back from that area of triggers.

One example involved a close friend of mine who has been going through a series of their own life changes. They’re not alone in them, and we’ve shared plenty of deep and personal moments prior to these times increasing for them and their family.

In time, communication wasn’t as smooth as it used to be. Our level of closeness beats out others I’ve been this way with, but that gradual departure reminded me of others who did the same with me. Even down to me starting more conversations, until we stopped talking altogether.

It was worse is when I knew/”knew” that they stopped because of me. Either I talked about “nothing” on the phone, or I didn’t have the right tech to keep up with another means to communicate. Or catching them in multiple lies and having them “ghost” you. These events happened during this new phase of healing from everything else, too.

Differences to those examples aside, I felt like this was going to be another one like that. Instead of dwelling on that chance, I talked myself down from it.

Remembering the talks we had where we detailed our gripes and anxieties affecting our interactions, either with each other or with others. The nature of our friendship being more mature, and reflective of our personal growth. How that old feeling I had of the frequent calling, texting, or even “love bombing” in every form, was a product of a life that I knew had hurt and pushed away others, but took longer to realize how much it was hurting me.

I revealed a lot of this the last time we talked, because that’s the depth of our friendship. Trusting each other with our emotions, respecting each other’s time and energy. They did the same, and we’re all the better for it.

Regardless of reasons our friendship differs from our other friends, this is something I remind myself with every comfortable new and old connection.

It’s a healthy way to remember that when or if those repetition-based feelings come back, I’ll know how to fight them back, even if I’m caught in a moment where I forget how to.