(Edited 11/28/2023)

“You did the work.”

This is a statement I’ve been told multiple times by a friend, still early enough in my healing journey to not fully believe it. I was still battling the facts that were around me and within me. All of that had me feel less than qualified to feel that any work was being done, or was already done.

This was years ago now, and I have a better idea about why I felt that way as deeply as I did. Mostly because I put a lot into material and emotional needs. Believing that if I had certain things in possession or in order, I’d feel like that work had finally been done.

Things like having my own home. A high(er) paying and safer job. Both were seemingly possible thanks to a credit score raised from that then-new car. And having a new romance, which is ironic seeing as that same friend started as one, and I’m grateful it is what it’s become now.

I see now that there were many other steps I had to take before feeling that the work has been done. I also had to consider that the work is never-ending once you start. But there are moments that let me know that certain works are completed.

Double that in realms involving types of people I’m better off without.

So of course I’ll keep going to this line of work. In hindsight, I quietly made a commitment to myself about doing so in the early days. Not in any specific words, just led by emotions I knew weren’t me, or for me.

Going backwards now after what I’ve learned and learning would be insane. Even if sometimes, doing the work can drive you to near-insanity.

But the rewards on the other side of that are worth the overtime.

D.F.