Realizing that my memory loss may result from confirmed PTSD, it’s had me look back at moments that I know happened. Though I hate how some of the more uncomfortable memories risk removing the better ones.

That’s why when people randomly told me about the good that I have done in the past, it’s a great thing to hear. Because in this healing process, I think a lot about the things that I have done, along with what they did to me.

Sometimes I feel like I have to fight harder to remember the good times. To believe the people that said that there was good in me during the dark periods.

It’s not all the time. There are too many things that I can think of that, to this day, still crack me up. Some of those times are just as strong as their premiers. Whether it’s been platonic, romantic, even times when I overhear strangers talking about something has me laughing as I type this out. Those “you had to be there” type moments.

Well, not the romantic ones. That’s between us.  

Holding onto those memories are a beautiful thing. They are my own reminders of the joy still worth embracing while I’m still here. But it’s important to remember that others are doing the same for me.

For you, too.       

This entire process has its scary moments, but I’m reminded of how the smiles and laughter I had brought to many through all my seasons, is why people choose to stay connected to me, even in this new phase of my life.  

It means more than I can ever express.