The past few weeks have been giving me signs to go back to one of my oldest creative loves: music composition.

I was using a program that was new for its time and ran with it long after the Playstation 2 system I used it on had passed its mainstream relevance.

Sometimes the music ended up on other people’s projects, but it was often made just for me. Another canvas to do my artwork on, along with the sea of unfinished sketchbooks that I still have. I’ll get back to them another time.

December of 2020 was the last time I made a song, and by that point, I was already struggling with thoughts like “why am I still using this?” “Shouldn’t I have upgraded by now?” This goes along with other self-defeating thoughts that were born that year.

So everything connected to it sat in a plastic bag until further notice. There were other technical issues outside of that which made it difficult to record tracks for any reason, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to produce again.

It even came down to recording me humming track ideas into my phone, knowing that I’d be back to it. Even if it meant unearthing the relics that started that journey.

The more I started listening to artists and/or tracks that were similar to the melodic, electronic, and even experimental sounds that I recalled making, the inspiration swelled up again this year. More than any in the three years I had committed to other art forms.

That’s when I finally got that bag out the corner and reconnected everything to the TV. Surprisingly not dusty, but with the knowledge that newer technology is on my side, I knew something was going to come of this more than ever. Not just because a new song idea was dancing in my mind for these few weeks, either.

I didn’t give up on the gift. In hindsight, the break was needed. Given the life matters that I’ve addressed multiple times in the blog, that needed more attention than anything. Yet even through that, the music did not die in me.

Music, as a whole, was, and still is a life saver. Especially during this time with writing on here.

Have you ever had that happen to you? Where a gift that was in your heart to express, even if only to yourself, was now in the back of your mind? Sitting behind doubts of it being worth revisiting, or the memories of people talking down its existence, which unknowingly to them is talking down yours?

It was a lengthy process to break myself of those ideas. I knew what I didn’t want to happen again in reviving this side of me, but not as much as what I needed myself to know by doing it.

It was a new season of creation, fueled by other ways I’ve boosted confidence in creation, self-expression, and motivation to go further in everything I’m passionate about.

The inner battle is sometimes a tough one to decide what is best to focus on the most, especially when there’s comfort in everything we can do. But when it comes to those things that are on the bench feeling ready to get back on the field, who are we to deny its call?

The louder your calling gets, the more it should never be denied.

D.F.

P.S. – Everything was hooked back up on Valentine’s Day. I appreciate that timed symbolism.