Tag: Self care

A Home of Our Own

July 14th, 2023

I’ve written so much about what things were and what they are, yet not as much about how things could be in a healed space.

That space is one that’s a safe harbor for anyone that’s in a healed mind and heart. A place where the misunderstood and unheard can lower their guard and keep it down.

This place will have gentler noises that soothe one’s senses. Doors can stay open, all rooms are free of harsh uncertainty, and no one that knocks is a threat to your boundaries.

No matter how close a drive it may be, it will be a place far from what’s tainted all of your senses. They will know by your actions how strongly your demands for changes will be.

In general, that space will be somewhere that you can call truly call home.

Never stop believing that it’s close to your possession.

D.F.
Change of Heart

July 10th, 2023

So I made a post about what I wanted to do for this coming August. In short, something that could mirror how I started it last year, with different targets in mind. Two are already in early draft, while others haven’t started yet.

And honestly, I’m not seeing any reason to do so. At least not in the way I had planned, or with the energy I had planned to write it in.

So much of this blog has put time and effort towards me venting about different people that exist(ed) in my life, and the lessons I’ve learned and learning about them. To encapsulate it a year later in the intended format almost feels like repeating an old habit.

The primary ones I could write about may give me reason to make a whole new entry regarding them, between the time this posts, and August. Others may feel like a public rumination of who they were to me.

But as I’ve written this, a new way to approach the August theme came to mind.

“Why not write ‘thank you’ letters?”

Think about it. None of this would have been possible without their unintentional support, combined with my unique experiences with them, and other ways my brain works that I’m trying not to mislabel.

They do deserve thanks for what they’ve done and who they are, even more who they’ve chosen to be. I’ve made my choices too while developing this blog, and they’ve helped me further detach from their ideas of me.

So I’ll go ahead with the mini-series under a new mindset. One that reflects more of who I’ve become in the time I’ve written so much, and still have plenty more to go.

D.F.
The Ex

July 3rd, 2023

(Edited 9/19, 9/26/2023)

I spoke with a friend of mine a while back, and they shared how and why they are still virtually connected to an ex that was a mess of a person.

My friend doesn’t always go out of their way to antagonize the ex that they have children with, except for specific parental holidays, which are fueled by a point where the ex claimed that they wouldn’t make it in life.

My friend proved them wrong in wonderful ways that I wish I could share.

While I enjoyed and even related to the acts that fit a mantra/lyric “success is the best revenge,” added to their path of self-healing and MH advocacy in a similar season to my own, I had to advise them on something.

There will be that point where they won’t need to make that level of contact with their ex anymore. They agreed that the day will come. It’s a natural feeling that can’t be forced, and I made sure to say that I’d never force that.

People that choose to heal properly do so at a rate based on multiple factors. Giving them grace while they do so is a chance to understand your own path in it, and have both of you meeting in the middle without fearing or attempting a power struggle.

That’s what’s missing in the world. People slowing down their thoughts and quieting the ego long enough to be taught how to treat others where they’re at, and where they’re going.

And if you love someone as deeply as my friend and I do for each other, you’ll do that without hesitation.

D.F.
Strange Days

June 26th, 2023

(Note: This is technically a two-parter. Part two premiers this Wednesday.)

Sometimes I catch myself in one heavy feeling. I hate that I’m the one that’s still here, not for lack of trying to get away from the triangulation that I had become adjusted to in previous seasons.

Losing thousands of dollars to stay in a place wrapped in nearly every form of abuse that can be imagined, when it could have been set to be free from it all.

Hearing complaints disguised as advice about assisting here and there, while secretly managing your own wellness to get to the life that I’ll eventually have.

And knowing that when I’m gone from this place, so long as I’m in close range, they’ll always find a way to make me the scapegoat.

The rage is valid. Its application though, must be controlled.

And sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I finally lost it. Then I remind myself of what’s been built and what I’ve reclaimed. Those things that I wanted for years, but never had the time or courage to do it.

Another reason that stops me, is not wanting fake victims to play off being real ones. They’ve won for so long, and I know they don’t deserve it anymore. Does this mean my own peaceful win will be huge enough to damage their streak?

I hope so.

All that I’ve learned and shared on here has done me well in a number of fields. Whatever it’s leading to in the long run must be the grandest victory I could ever have over these people I’ve shared too much with. People that don’t deserve my new definition of love, respect, and peace.

And that’s why it hurts to still be here. Despite all my efforts to leave for good, and because I’m the only one that wants a break from the status quo, that is why.

I shake at the idea of who I would have been if I didn’t start writing all of this out. Keeping it in and exploding it in a way that would shatter everything I’ve wanted, and most of it I have (again).

And some days, it’s easy to chill that fire.

Some.

Again, the rage is valid. It’s the application that determines my future.

D.F.
The Conqueror

June 23rd, 2023

(Edited 11/28/2023)

So that meeting I talked about last time? I said there were multiple points that paralleled with my MH journey, and while I led with one that impacted me the most, that doesn’t deflate the other one I’ll cover here.

This also happened later in the meeting with so much info shared about homeownership. I mentioned how scary the entire thing was to get into, and my friend the rep said to not think of it as scary, but unknown.

It’s true in both realms. I’ve imagined having an apartment for so long that I saw homeownership as a far-off, even impossible feat to manage because of realistic, and anxiety-inspired circumstances.

On the MH side, I often had myself to lean on in the darkest times, unaware of what I’d experience, or even had the courage to feel in this new view of my world, and anyone still in it.

I see both sides as being connected to each other in unique ways. It took years of MH education and healing to get me to believe that it was worth exploring the homebuying opportunity. I also had to believe that it was worth the time to educate myself on what options are out there for me.

This can apply to other areas of life that are unknown to us, yet tied to what we want for ourselves for our future.

It even reminds of me of a moment from a game, where a son is telling his father that he’ll be leaving on his own. The father asks if he was scared. The son nodded, and the father assured him that’s why he must pursue his goal.

It all ties into how the unknown isn’t meant to be feared if you view it more as a time to educate and apply what you’ve learned into action. There are plenty of things that are unknown to me, along with things that I need refreshers on.

But even if I forget this rephrasing of the emotion in any moment, fears are meant to be conquered. The unknown asks only to be understood in order to make informed decisions on what is right for you.

D.F.
Live and Become

June 21st, 2023

CW: Violence, DV, s*icide

“Multiverse” has become a mainstream word in recent years. Lifelong nerds, geeks, and the like such as myself have known of it longer, some even writing and publishing stories based on what they would be like under creative circumstances.

Sometimes my mind goes to that place because it’s interesting how one simple change could cause events to spin a different direction. Events that I’ve caused, could have caused, or ones where I was the legitimate victim.

Moments where I felt insulted and didn’t resort to violence, both on my door step and in social gatherings. Or where I should have walked away instead of staying and risk taking more.

Others where adults could have been more responsible and not risk my health in the long term. Or where one specific punishment came in the form of being hit in the head with something that could have damaged me, or worse.

Moments where I could have released my anger on anyone that repeatedly hurt me without remorse, finishing what others started. Or not waste my time and put it towards myself, even going all the way to stop feeling the pain.

And others where I was not the greatest friend, family member, love interest, or lover.

Regardless of being a child or even young adult at most times, there’s a lot to look back on. Much of it I wondered what I could have done to prevent some of them from happening, while others are lessons on how you treat others when health and even lives are on the line.

Some stories are worth sharing or implying as part of sharing what was learned, while others deserve to be taken to the grave.

That’s a daily thought pattern, even in examples I didn’t give. All that matters now is that in this reality, I continue to prove to myself that any old mistakes will not be repeated. Any societal and domestic abuse will not be passed on or tolerated. And any (self-)destructive ideas can still be channeled into creative energy.

Maybe that’s the other reason I started this blog and didn’t fully channel it until now.

D.F.
The Flip Side

June 19th, 2023

Imagine being the kind of person that leaves a toxic relationship, only to mimic the toxic traits that were set on you.

You would do and say anything and everything to make sure others close to you bend to your will and never question you, even indirectly.

Hearing about one’s needs for themselves, or for you to change your bad habits, only to turn on fake tears with a quiver in your voice, coming as fast as putting the middle finger into their face.

If you have kids together, and one or more of them aren’t there for you under any circumstances, you may contact the ex to pull said child(ren) back to your direction. And you’ll win, because you might even have dirt on the ex’s name.

The list can go on, but if you so much as twitched at any of these, then you’re on the right path to keep away from them, and not becoming like them. Putting the effort into changing yourself because they won’t change.

As one quote that I saw goes, “you can’t make peace with someone who has war in their heart.”

No matter how they mock or shame you for breaking their norm, hold the line. They may pull some unbelievable methods to justify payback, but they’ll burnout sooner than you. Because your defense is fortified by progression.

And it’s best to leave them knowing that what you’ve become is what they’ve rejected to be.

D.F.
The Client

June 16th, 2023

Over a month ago, the idea of homeownership came to me from a bank rep. This caused some interest in asking the right people for advice and resources to make this possible, even for me still fresh into a new job.

One of these times involved a friend I made years ago during volunteer work. They now work in the industry and has made significant life changes that had them glowing in a relatable way.

There were multiple points they made that I couldn’t help but feel paralleled to my mental health (MH) journey. I’ll cover the biggest one first.

Late into the meeting, I stated how I had been asking people, including them, that could be trusted with about my homeowner education. They agreed, and said to “let their hindsight be your foresight.”

I connected to that very well when it came to the hours of videos, podcasts, and reading articles of people’s personal stories on overcoming trauma and learn what healing methods were right for me.

They loved the parallel, as well.

Housing and even apartment potential included, I have loved how things seemed to come along at the right time in my life that are tied to what I’ve discovered, even rediscovered in the MH space.

I may still feel that I’m “late” in the game towards so many things others have worked for in their lives, but there is still such a thing as being “right on time” for those meant to be there as the cheerleaders, classmates, teachers, and lessons.

D.F.
Chill Factor

June 14th, 2023

The last couple of years of learning the different examples of narcissism are almost mind numbing. Every time I think I’ve experienced them all, I see something new come up that updates the strategy guide and their lore.

It’s easy to say that what I’ve experienced lines up with what I’ve learned about, but sometimes it gets exhausting to keep up with it all. Almost as exhausting as existing with people that inspired my education.

Keeping up with narcissists and the like is unhealthy. Sleep patterns and eating habits get affected, the need for social interaction may decrease or increase to troubling levels, and other damaging side effects.

So when those days come where the body is telling you to rest, don’t challenge it. That can also be because of a combination of any physical exercises that you’re willingly managing to better your health. It all counts to the necessary rest.

Part of you may hope that the “narcs” around you will understand that you need(ed) your own time, but you’ve given them enough thought. Often by them forcing it on you.

That’s why the rest is needed.

And if they’re not willing to give it you, you’re all in your right to take it.

D.F.
Nothing but Trouble

June 12th, 2023

(Edited 11/28/2023)

It’s hard to look back at the times you’ve felt like you were a “trauma dump” to people you cared for, and may have cared for you.

It’s harder when you see who left you because most of your time with them involved the seemingly endless venting, often about the same topics.

Not everyone is built for those talks, even on a small level. That’s why even when you want to reach out concerning good news, their inner alarms may go off. That “oh no, are they gonna’ go on about [insert topic] again” feeling.

Even when you’ve built a reputation for it, you’re allowed to have them with people, too. It takes a certain level of awareness to even know that why you’re avoiding them is why others avoid you.

It’s okay to feel sad if they’ve chosen to (quietly) cut ties. You may have had some great moments that had nothing to do with sharing pains, to the point of repetition. And arguably worse, not acknowledging their own trials.

For the ones that remain close to you, check in on them about their lives. Actively listen to them the way you want them to listen to you. That way, the moments of not sharing emotional scars will be drowned by mutual laughter.

And other joyous things if you’re that close. 😉

D.F.