When I started my recent project, my plan was to use the week where there’d be a break in posting to link everything up to a certain point to the introduction of said project.
Technical scares caused the page to be, as it was put, “archived or suspended.” Thankfully someone replied to my request and fixed the error, which is why you’re reading this now.
And if they happen to be, too, thank you to Customer Service!
But in-between that period, a few thoughts were circling.
“Do I start all over?”
Starting over from experience is a real thing to believe in. Mental and emotional resets are what inspired all this to exist in the first place. It’ would have hurt, of course, but it could have been done.
“Did I lose over two years of work?”
Not entirely. Many of the posts are already saved offline. Helps that some of them were written offline before posting here, so that’s easy. There was still the sting of not having solid evidence of what I’ve done for myself for so long, even if under an alias.
“Should I host elsewhere if I can’t get it back?”
Considering that I finally purchased the domain name, that would have been a step. Not sure if it’d be a bad or good one, since I could have made a new page through the host, too. It still circles back to the first two questions, along with one more:
“Who am I doing this for?”
Me.
At least, at first it was that way. Something to air out what’s already been talked about or repeated through multiple therapists, even before greater inspirations to dig deeper and face myself over five years ago.
But even before blogging, I saw what I was doing for myself often helped others who trusted me with their inner fights, curiosities, and more.
I was fighting people’s demons easier because I was learning how to fight mine. Years later, I still am, and will continue to.
Which brings up a final point. If I had “lost everything” on here, the one thing I didn’t lose is the work I’ve done in me. It’s the type of work that builds and strengthens boundaries, and all kinds of relationships.
It’s also been inspirational for others to do it, too. Maybe not just the people I personally know, but the longer I do this, the more I’ll know for sure.
I promise that I’ll continue to change and heal alongside you all, too. No matter what format I present my thoughts on.
–Kingston Priest
The Brighter the Picture 