Part 9 of 9
Edited 10/26/22, 12/1/2023

Hello.

This is going to be confusing, but I’m talking to you now. Not my past self.

You. The live audience, as they say.

Thank you for making it this far with me.

I did my best to make it entertaining, but what came out was a heavily abridged take on what I’ve been dying to say out loud for decades. So naturally, the attempts at jokes were dry at best, but an attempt was still made.

Perhaps I should say that the events described in the previous eight entries are a work of fiction, and any similarities… you’ve seen the end of movies, you know the rest.

But I can’t. This is a reality for me. Past and present. Reminders exist every day, because many of them happened, and keep happening right in the place where these entries were written.

And despite all the efforts I’ve made to escape, there have been many setbacks. Perhaps, in some cosmic sense, to use the energy felt here to finally get all of this out.

How else was I supposed to, aside from my usual therapist? Even they supported the idea of a blog. A podcast was considered, but that would give away my position, so to speak.

When you spend your whole life hearing everyone else’s stories, you risk not knowing how to tell your own. At least in a way that they’ll finally pay attention.

Cruel fact of life is that some of us don’t make it that far to know how to tell it. People we’ve even been close to. The rest of us get so attached to the sorrow of silence that they don’t want to know anything else. They don’t want to be hurt again by people that you feel could or should listen, but will push you away in what may be your darkest hour.

That’s why I’ve been here, talking with you as I talked with him/me. The person who made it this far because enough of this related to you. The part that said somewhere in this, you may have found someone to speak for you.

But I can’t.

I refuse to take away that energy that you’ve been harboring to tell your own story, in your own way. A way that puts you on or completes the path of healing that can help others the way I hope to help or inspire you, and more.

Besides, even with everything I shared here, it only scratches the surface of what I went through in life.

There are plenty of details to sift through and eventually share, but until the right time comes to release all of that, let’s be part of the movement of change. To break generational trauma overall, so that it doesn’t pass on to anyone in our lives.

That goes triple for children. Because you don’t want a child like me spilling or implying dirty secrets that affect one’s reputation for years to come. That, as one character I’ve grown fond of in recent years would say, is “dirty pool.”

Let’s do some good on our respective ends. For ourselves and others. Let’s keep sharing our truths and hurts, as well as our joys and visions. I’ll be on break from blogging in the meantime. But please, reach out to me if you have questions.

Yes, seriously.

I may not be a license professional, but I’m here for you. And in ways, you’ve been here for me, too.

But in case I’m away for a while….

“I’ll be back.”    

D.F.