This number means a lot today. It will, when I reach that age, as well. It’s not far off, but it’s something to look forward to given the progress made in the last five months that led to this entire blog.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Sometimes more than what’s considered healthy.

Often those thoughts come with the idea of specific opponents tying to reroute me the way they always had, just so they can save face and remain in some idea of control over me.

But the more I think and thought of them, the less I think of what’s being built to be far off from thinking these “what if” scenarios.

Some can say that it can bar the unseen progress from coming your way. But if you’re like me, you may think about how the progress being unseen is too hard to wait for, and if anything you’re doing is worth the effort you’ve put so much of your soul, joy, rage, and often your real tears into.

That’s why these thoughts can be so tricky and volatile. Especially when you’ve lived with them for so long, the brain may knock you back into that cell of anxiety. You know the type, where you have blissful moments of what you want your life to look like, and in comes the TI* generated voice that puts you at risk of backsliding on your goals.

This blog has been a huge goal. One that’s been in the making in the mix of giving into guilt trips, passive aggression, and fake tears of broken people. People who may feel that their time is up, so mine should be, too.

“Keep them miserable so I feel better” is a constant mood of theirs, for sure. It’s just taken a long time to believe and act on no longer making that my belief as well.

But better a long time, than never taking that time at all.

• D.F.

P.S – *TI, short for “Trauma Intelligence,” my play on Artificial Intelligence.