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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Borderline: Protecting Yourself from Disrespect
If someone does not respect you because of your progressive views or ways of healing from periods of abuse and trauma, they’ve made their choice to see you in a place that’s beneath them, and far from who you are and who you’re becoming.
This behavior is easy to find online from strangers, but can often come much deeper from family by blood, law, or choice.
Some of them may already have a history of not wanting to be held accountable for anything, so they’ll likely see your views as a counterpoint to their own, and will do their best to shame you for them.
This is your proof that you’re on the right path. Your heart, your soul, your belief in compassion for others means more than someone’s idea of respect that they’ll only give so long as you meet their terms based on their disrespect towards others including yourself.
Respect yourself over them, and keep your space protected.
– Kingston Priest
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Attention, Attention: The Different Types of Wants and Needs
Someone wanting and needing things from you can take a lot of forms.
On the positive, they need you to continue doing what’s best for you without a hidden agenda that favors their needs. The same people want you to stay focused on your goals beyond anyone else’s.
On the other hand, others will tell you that you need to do something or be somewhere that favors their habits, even addictions. They also want or even demand things from you, otherwise face their abusive wrath.
This second group will drill this into you without remorse. As long as you believe in their wants and needs over your own, their version of respect and love is satisfied, despite respect being one-sided and love being contractual.
That’s why the first group is important. The ones that see you doing work that speaks to a version of you who needs a life away from the other group, and wants people you love to believe in themselves enough to do the same.
Your wants and needs are more important than the ones who want and need your attention, your finances, and servitude.
Kingston Priest
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Awareness: An Open Self Check-In
Sometimes all it takes is another video addressing it being Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month to give someone like me pause in anything else I was doing.
The short answer I gave is that every day is a constant dance between glimmers and triggers in my life. Sometimes the triggers win a bit more, but nowhere near making a permanent choice you can’t come back from.
Not anymore, anyway.
There are a series of changes that will be coming to my own work environment soon, which tie into several things that I have control of. The other ones that I don’t yet part of me thinks I should, that sticks sometimes.
It’s gone as far as thinking to my current class and whether I’m taking it as a distraction from coming back to writing like I used to? I’ve confirmed that each has their time and place that I can give them, because I deserve the down time.
I am filled with reminders of how I have become more aware of my highs and lows.
My drives and commitments.
My energy and who deserves it.
So there will be lulls in writing as there have been in recent months. But I love that after coming here for over a year when I can’t speak to a professional or a trusted friend until a certain time, I have this.
An open record of proof that that I’m doing and have done my best, and will only go up from here.
- Kingston Priest
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Evolution: The Changes Since the Journey Began
I love what I’ve done on this page. I know that if I can steady my mind long enough, I will be right back to it. I am not without topics to visit and revisit.
I did start writing a long piece that is still being edited, with the topic of “can a toxic person change?” I have multiple answers to that.
Aside from that, it’s become harder to be as consistent as I used to be on here because I start asking myself questions like “does anyone care what I have to say (anymore)?” “Should I be mad that this hasn’t been discovered, considering my lengths to remain ‘private’?”
Then I tell myself that I didn’t start it to be discovered. I started it because I wanted to discover myself. Some type of proof that the inner work was starting, and now evolved into something beyond what I saw in myself.
There’s also the fact that where I was when I started the page isn’t where I am now. Physically, I’m in the same place that inspired a great deal of hard topics, but I have to look at the positives that came during it.
I was unemployed when this started, so I had time in-between stressing over it, and more.
Now I’m over a year into my position. I earned two certificates related to sociology and human behavior, with a third one in mind that, like the others, can lead to a new career, or enhance my status with this job.
Fitness has also been a focus. I’ve done a few virtual yoga sessions before starting the classes, and now spending time at a local gym when I can with a focus on cardio.
And though relationship statuses are not officially changed yet, I have found romantic love again. Logistics are a hurdle among other things, but it’s okay. Sometimes who you share that love with is more about who and where you are emotionally and/or spiritually, not just by physical distance.
And I’ve chosen a new pen name to go by. Something that’s a blend of two worlds I’ve lived and live in. Sort of a Yin and Yang vibe going on. The few people that know me outside of this might understand it, but I’ll explain for others later.
So all of that is proof there’s plenty to discuss when I can anchor myself long enough to share what I can.
The blog began as a way to heal in places I knew needed regulation, and others I did not know of or even avoided as it continued. Now it’s a place to confirm that it’s worked, and still working.
And it’s far from over.
– Kingston Priest
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The Bear
The past few weeks have been showing many people’s opinion about the bear versus man debate.
If you are not familiar with it, there is video of a man asking random women on the street if they would feel safer with a man or a bear in the forest. With women answering bear, it has sparked a large debate on mostly two sides: the women and femme presenting sharing stories why they would not choose men, and the men whose responses prove why women would choose the bear.
Two bears, in one person’s case.
It’s not to say that there aren’t men who would also choose the bear, and while their reasons can be similar to any woman’s experiences, there are others I have considered.
There are men out here who at several points in their life knew they were the reason the bear was always a safer choice, long before this question started.
Men who, despite their progress in being better people, they are still occasionally haunted by who they were, no matter how long ago they had acted in any way that makes them shudder now.
It is fine to believe that to feel shame for past actions is proof of growth. But we also live in a world where allegations alone have become synonymous with a guilty verdict.
Men healing from their old selves have a right to feel scared about exposure when they consider that. Those who reflect even deeper may fear victims coming forward years later and naming them for what they’ve done. Whatever comes to that may vary, but it should not stop said man from continuing to be better than who they were.
Of course there are those men who do not have a history like that to reflect on, but they still have experienced enough to know how to treat women better. How to be the solution, and not the statistic.
While it’s clear for many that other men dismissing women’s answers and claims should do better, too many societies are not built to define “better” as something worth being for the sake of compassion or even altruism towards others.
As people, it is up to us to not add to anyone’s suffering. But as men, it is up to us to call out the insensitivity towards any woman’s boundaries and history.
Anything less is why the bear deserves to be chosen.
D.F.
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Ally
Why do I care?
Why do I care so much about the rights of other people that live differently from me?
People who identify in a way that may contrast one’s outer view of them?
People who are guided by who their heart calls to, no matter how society want to suppress them?
When one’s choices aren’t a threat to another, when a person chooses an identity that is a break from “traditions,” when I am in a place to respect how a person chooses to show up in life the way I wish to be respected, I ask in return…
Why shouldn’t I?
Who am I to tell a stranger, or even someone close to me, who they should be when their choices are not a threat to myself or anyone?
Who am I to support, suggest, or make a law against people whose only crime is that their right to choose hurts those that profit off their distress?
Being an ally to anyone outside of one’s choices takes many forms. Whether it’s by your upbringing, or even choosing to be better than who you were, your presence is appreciated by them.
Just as much as theirs can be by you.
D.F.
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Deep Impact: The Strong Tie of Friends
Too often, you develop a connection with someone that is undeniably deep. It can be the type that never comes close to romance, but if such a feeling is what you look for, you may want one that has a similar glimmer that the platonic connection gives you.
Some friendships are meant to last lifetimes, while others can turn into something more. But for the former, let however good and fulfilling those friendships are to you serve as the template for more heartwarming connections.
D.F.
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Healing
Things I’ve learned about healing since my journey began:
Healing isn’t linear. At the start of it, you can still repeat habits that you’ve lived with for a long time until they’re either gone, or manageable.
Healing is a choice that takes time to adapt to. It’s not something to ingest for a bit, feel good about trying, then hope the memory of its flavor is enough to say “good times.”
Declaring that you’re on this journey to others won’t always be well received. Too often, it’s the people closest to you that will challenge it, because the more you do it, the greater the chances they’ll have to face themselves.
They don’t want that. Better to paint you the enemy than to claim they were ever one.
It’s gets easier to let go of people and things that were a source of comfort when you didn’t know who you were yet. Memories of the good times, mixed with ideas of what they could have been can occur.
But they served their purpose. Chances are you’ve served theirs. Who left you and who you left can be filled with new, more exciting people that see the new you, removed from what you remember of yourself.
Overall, it is your right to heal. No one can take it from you. If you’ve lived a long enough life where you’ve given that right away to please others in the past and present, you have all the reasons and resources to change that.
And it’s not too late to start.
D.F.
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Freaky Friday: Becoming the Parent You Never Had
At some point in your healing, expect people still in your life to ask you questions that may suggest that they want to do the same. This can include a parent with a history of abuse up to this day.
When they declare that they want to change, you have every right to be hesitant about the claim. Every part of you may want to ignore it and save your energy and time for anyone genuinely ready.
But you do it anyway. That “damned if you do or don’t” feeling will have multiple inspirations. Especially if you know they have a history of telling people, including fellow abusers, about any attempts to heal yourself and others.
At best, the next time you see them, they give off the energy that they may have started to change their habits. It’s one’s right as an abuse survivor to have our heightened senses pick up any development.
At worse, it’s business as usual. You may feel like you wasted your time, and might have given them a blueprint on how and why to double down on their polarizing beliefs.
Time wasn’t wasted.
It’s allowed to hurt when someone you want to fully care for doesn’t make an effort to change, even after they show interest to try. But in that pain lies reasons to continue parenting yourself.
To be the parent that you never had, or will have. To whom it may apply, be the parent to your child that you never had.
D.F.
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Cross-Up: Flipping the Energy of Abuse
(Edited: 09/28/2024)
There is a kind of fear that can be seen in the eyes of people against you.
They will talk you into believing that you’re not worth the dreams you’re making reality, or already have.
They will steer you into their own goals and paint them like it’s beneficial to you.
What they don’t realize is that every time they do it, they are feeding into your healing. The more they remind of you their old ways blending them with new ones, the more you can use that as proof about one thing:
You would never treat anyone else that way.
These people are incapable of change, and sometimes they know it. They’ll even fake it and make you feel like you’re safe around them.
Hold onto the truth that you’re not. Keep reminding yourself that their inability to change is why you will. Your future depends on it.
D.F.
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