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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Progress Report: Being Praised When You Least Expect It
When you feel like you’re not doing enough to show how progressive you are about your present and future, someone or something will remind you without warning. That’s often the best way for me.
I used to be the one that would fish for compliments and adoration so heavily, it became one of the things I had to unlearn.
Yes, I’ve done it in rare times on social media, but what I’ve put out there of myself is my own proof that I’m worthy. Not just of one thing or several, but period.
That’s why it means more when so much as a positive meme comes from a reliable, and safe source. A friend, or family by blood or spirit, and even a romantic partner. Those are among the sources that we can relate to who can support what we’ve come to know is true in our own hearts.
Take any bit of time you can in your day to cheer on someone you care for. Let them know that their progress is being recognized and supported, even from a distance. You never know who needs that, even if they move as if they don’t. We all do.
D.F.
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Finding Joy: Rediscovering Love in a New Life
Romantic love is something I’ve been learning how to feel again in the last three years.
It comes from decades of believing in a kind of love that warped my senses to think that harmful and abusive behaviors should run side-by-side with any form of it.
Doesn’t matter if it was learned or observed behavior, I believed that form of love was true all around. Even during relationships, which made it even harder to unlearn the patterns until I made it out.
And I did it just in time to meet the right people to lead me to a rewarding connection.
And I don’t just mean people that I can call, text, and hang out with. I had a chance to meet myself. The sane, healthy part of me that screamed from the inside to listen to them when things felt off, and not for me.
When I finally had the time to be alone with that part of me, we had some battles to fight. One from the past that either stayed there, or bled into the present because of our own actions mixed with others who refuse to be told about themselves.
Through all of that, love was being redefined. Like defragmenting to get out the unnecessary mess so that your system can run better than before. It won’t be perfect due to wear and tear, but like me, know what’s best for itself.
Love in all its forms is a safe yet chaotic space even when it’s built on healthy ground. Safe because it’s defined in a way that serves people with compassion and trust. Chaotic because you’ll do anything to maintain the peace is brings you and others.
That’s where I’m at with it now. Knowing who loves me for who I am and have become has set a foundation of what I want moving forward. Even as I’m still working to be free from places that have been the opposite, and often wish to show love in archaic, destructive manners.
That’s what I’ve earned. It’s what I’ve worked for without knowing I’d have it so soon. And I’ll everything I can to keep it close to me.
D.F.
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Breaking
I shared this image on social media today, and while it can deserve my own follow-up to it, a friend had replied by saying “sad thing is you can’t until you have been shattered.”
It took a moment to write, but I ended up saying the following:
“I see the point about it being sad that you have to go through that first, but look at how many people get shattered and stay that way because they feel that’s either all they deserve.
Some people try to get close and get hurt, and the broken person could care less because misery loves company. They even surround themselves with people that will enabled the laid-out pieces, even celebrating that they are there for a number of twisted reasons.
Then you got the other people that can sweep the pieces up and glue them back together. Sometimes with personal and professional help. The broken art won’t be what it was, but a lot can be learned and shared about the journey of putting it back together. Learning how to make sure the pieces don’t hurt old and new people that want to help you reform, because they see how you are doing it for yourself, and not for clout or attempting to pull someone.
That way you look at the parts that can’t or don’t fit with what’s been restored, and be good with what has and will replace them.”
As of this posting they have not responded yet, but for the most part I feel good about what was said, and just like the rest of this blog, comes from personal accounts. So I guess I am ready to talk with many more people the way the source material suggested.
D.F.
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Shout: Sharing Your Joy in the Face of Oppressors
Sometimes it feels like your happiness should not be shared to the world.
The broader the announcement, the greater the threat it can be to that declaration.
That can come from a history of people in your present and past life that may take that happiness and “punish” you for finding it.
Reasons can include that you found it outside of their provisions and conditions, or their beliefs that your purer definitions of happiness do not match theirs.
Jealousy and envy comes in different and surprising forms. The longer you abide by the rules of people that feel it, the harder it seems to reveal your passions. Especially with those who act like they have emotional leverage over you.
Then comes a point where you say “yes, I deserve this, and it’s time people know that I do, no matter how they feel about me.”
Whatever that announcement may be, know that for every person who celebrates you, the others will either be repulsed away, or try to stick around to see how long that feeling lasts.
The second part reminds me of what’s said about anger towards someone, where they’re drinking poison hoping it hurts the other person. Double for those who can not admit their own faults that created the hate for you.
Declare your happiness. It’s okay to be scared of who or what tries to take it from you based on what you’re still healing from. The people responsible for that history will avoid exposing their hate until it hurts them. Being aware of it should never hurt you so much that you don’t believe that you deserve that happiness. Even if you do still wish to keep it secret and safe.
You always have.
D.F.
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Goodbye To You: Releasing the Weight of Progressive Barriers
“There’s some opportunities that won’t find you because of what surrounds you.” – Trent Sheldon, during The Mel Robbins Podcast.
I can think back to how many things naturally came into my life because of making distance from people that that I knew weren’t right for me, but still felt obligated to stay connected to them. It’s one of the costs of trauma bonding that I’ve been breaking and I’ve been vocal about the more I’ve learned from it.
I’ve written a few times in the past about that kind of presence, even moments where I was the negative one. The second half is important overall in mental health, since it’s helped me know what I don’t want from other connections, so the ones that are meant for me come and stay.
It’s not a fully secure space for all of us. Some of us may still be around people that don’t want you above their vision of you, and can verbally dress it as if those ideas don’t exist, or they’re your fault.
That’s proof that you’re onto something, and should stay on it.
So whatever or even whoever your heart desires and you wish it to find you, do yourself a favor. If you want to share that with anyone, make sure they have a clear record of cheerleading and coaching you towards your goals. Anyone else revels in their ability to drain you of time, resources, and hope.
The greater their distance, the closer you come to what’s meant for you.
D.F.
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Chill Factor: Slowing Down While Still Moving Forward
Sometimes I put too much on myself thinking that I have to stay busy to feel accomplished. The burnout that I spoke of last week is an example of it, and while it made me miss posting on Monday, it gave me time to think.
For one, this blogging can’t stop. I’ve invested too much into its development and inner growth because of it. But as I get ready to continue my education in new fields, it may be wise to cut back on when I post.
Speaking of education, I passed my final and gained the certificate in Classical Sociology.
The education can’t stop either. While the follow-up class may be unavailable, it doesn’t mean I can’t look at related topics. Though admittedly, the last class was so informative and interesting that I’ve meant to listen to it all again.
So I’ll start posting on Wednesdays and Fridays for now. I’ll still do my best not to miss even those days, but it give me more time to also say something on here that doesn’t feel rushed or uninspired.
Plus, I’ve already passed an impressive point of making over 200 posts here, and the bulk of it was during a dark financial period, so I had time. Not so much, anymore, given my work, school, fitness, and art activities.
Doing something with what I’ve learned and still learning since this blog started, while finding a balance with outer progression, makes the most sense.
It always did. I just needed some extra time to believe that.
D.F.
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The Golden Child: Protecting Your Youthful Self.
Sometimes a person wants you to “stay in a child’s place” because they may not have healed from their own childhood.
They might want you to stay as obedient, quiet, and submissive as they were to please people that are no longer here.You are their single or collective pressure point for things you weren’t responsible for. A dumping ground, a punching bag for unresolved pasts.
That doesn’t excuse them, and you’re in your right to (not) forgive in any form you’re comfortable with.
But maybe there is a way to stay in a child’s place without fitting that limiting definition. Or better yet, protecting that place.
Somewhere in your youth may lie a touch of pure, unconditional joy and love. Where you felt free to express yourself without being torn away from what makes you smile. The older you get, the better your chances that you learn how to defend and nuture that innocence. Often with help, and chances are, you are no longer deflecting your pain to anyone.
It will get messy in the defense, but healing and thriving isn’t without its dirt, bruises, and scars to remind you of why you survived.
So if you are old enough to so much as pay bills, curse your receding hairline, and even count the grays in what’s left of it, give your younger self the care and compassion that we still deserve as an adult.
If you are already a parent that shows their child or children love opposite of the turmoil you faced, keep going.
The world needs more of us at all ages, through time and spirit.D.F.
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Love Takes Time: The Patience in Finding Romance
Darling.
Sweetheart.
Terms of endearment that I have received from even staff members in different places. But even in older seasons, and under uncomfortable habits, I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone I had a relationship with words like that.
Recently, that has changed.
Granted, I am still declared single, and we are friends on the surface, but for some time now I have gained a mutual love interest that is the most unique one yet.
Unique because of its origins, circumstances, and even the most surreal similarities.
Recently we have discussed the chance of becoming official despite our distance from each other. A very small group of friends know of the matter, and I surely talked about this with my therapist.
But I think what matters the most is that this is proof of the power behind being patient for a version of love that I always believed in, but wasn’t ready for with who I was prior to this.
There are other factors that we have repeatedly discussed in our time together. Even in our rougher moments, we’ve come to a point where they may not matter anymore. We are eager to discuss this further in person, to know for sure that we want to go to the next level.
Maybe we will or won’t. Even if we are meant to be with completely different people in the longer run, the patience and maturity built up between us will be beneficial for a lasting and purer love than we’ve ever had prior to us.
I look forward to seeing what’s next.
D.F.
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School Daze: Taking On A New Direction in Learning.
Burnout is real.
It can sneak up on you at any given point while you’re in the mix of any work you’re into. It can happen during rest, like it did for me most of last week. It’s also why I missed posting on Wednesday and Friday.
Admitted I am doing enough to get by, but last week I also started a course in Classical Sociology. It’s an 8-week course that you can do at your own pace, but I had a lead foot and made it to the start of Week 5’s material.
Inspiration to take this on came in twofold.
The first was inspired by notes I found from a sociology class I took years ago, which I only did to get credits to move forward in an unrelated major. I’m sure there was zero interest in it, but I’m glad I had the notes to skim through.
The second inspiration lied in everything I’ve written on here since 2022. I feel it has some tie to the social science that goes beyond what I’ve discovered in old and current personal circles.
Much like me discovering my sources of bonding to emotional and mental abuse, I find this class to be great for learning the origins of sociology. Where it takes me from here is yet to be seen.
Even in its completion, it’ll be a great thing to share on my resume when the time comes to move up where I am, or move on to where I’m meant to be.
So if I disappear again on this new educational journey without notice, I’m okay. May even be the first time that I’ve left without warning, and I’ll try not to do it again.
D.F.
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Found: Discovering Your Path
Imagine a time where you built something for yourself or with others that you did not feel was possible.
Whether it’s because you don’t have everything you thought was needed for that to happen, or you thought you needed more time to emotionally prepare for it, both can prove a few things.
Sometimes opportunities you’re invited to or thrown into show up to help you along on your journey. If you follow certain beliefs, you will claim its main source(s) telling you that you’re destined for the next stage.
You may also find your name being spoken in rooms and in people’s hearts that want what’s best for you. An extra reminder that you belong in places you are working and fighting for.
On the other side, no matter what was said to or about you that may drag you down to someone’s harsh idea of you, take that as proof that you’re onto something as well.
Sometimes those things are said by people who never gained what they see you having. Or they have it but only through underhanded means where they disguise hurting people as love.
You weren’t built for that. While that group may resent you for it, others celebrate you. Both are key to lifting you up.
Enjoy and embrace those moments when they come. Whether you believe it by universal and spiritual means, or though genuine hard work ethic, they were made for you in the present and future self for a reason.
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