The Brighter the Picture

  • The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    (Edited 08/09/2024)

    Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.

    For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

    Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.

    Sometimes both.

    There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.

    No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.

    This is dedicated to the second half.  

    By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.

    The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.

    And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.

    Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.  

    So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.

    After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?

    No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:

    “If it hurts you, it’s about you.”

    -Kingston Priest

    P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.

    First: Animosity

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  • The Bear

    The past few weeks have been showing many people’s opinion about the bear versus man debate.

    If you are not familiar with it, there is video of a man asking random women on the street if they would feel safer with a man or a bear in the forest. With women answering bear, it has sparked a large debate on mostly two sides: the women and femme presenting sharing stories why they would not choose men, and the men whose responses prove why women would choose the bear.

    Two bears, in one person’s case.

    It’s not to say that there aren’t men who would also choose the bear, and while their reasons can be similar to any woman’s experiences, there are others I have considered.

    There are men out here who at several points in their life knew they were the reason the bear was always a safer choice, long before this question started.

    Men who, despite their progress in being better people, they are still occasionally haunted by who they were, no matter how long ago they had acted in any way that makes them shudder now.

    It is fine to believe that to feel shame for past actions is proof of growth. But we also live in a world where allegations alone have become synonymous with a guilty verdict.

    Men healing from their old selves have a right to feel scared about exposure when they consider that. Those who reflect even deeper may fear victims coming forward years later and naming them for what they’ve done. Whatever comes to that may vary, but it should not stop said man from continuing to be better than who they were.

    Of course there are those men who do not have a history like that to reflect on, but they still have experienced enough to know how to treat women better. How to be the solution, and not the statistic.

    While it’s clear for many that other men dismissing women’s answers and claims should do better, too many societies are not built to define “better” as something worth being for the sake of compassion or even altruism towards others.

    As people, it is up to us to not add to anyone’s suffering. But as men, it is up to us to call out the insensitivity towards any woman’s boundaries and history.

    Anything less is why the bear deserves to be chosen.

    D.F.

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  • Ally

    Why do I care?

    Why do I care so much about the rights of other people that live differently from me?

    People who identify in a way that may contrast one’s outer view of them?

    People who are guided by who their heart calls to, no matter how society want to suppress them?

    When one’s choices aren’t a threat to another, when a person chooses an identity that is a break from “traditions,” when I am in a place to respect how a person chooses to show up in life the way I wish to be respected, I ask in return…

    Why shouldn’t I?

    Who am I to tell a stranger, or even someone close to me, who they should be when their choices are not a threat to myself or anyone?

    Who am I to support, suggest, or make a law against people whose only crime is that their right to choose hurts those that profit off their distress?

    Being an ally to anyone outside of one’s choices takes many forms. Whether it’s by your upbringing, or even choosing to be better than who you were, your presence is appreciated by them.

    Just as much as theirs can be by you.

    D.F.

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  • Deep Impact: The Strong Tie of Friends

    Too often, you develop a connection with someone that is undeniably deep. It can be the type that never comes close to romance, but if such a feeling is what you look for, you may want one that has a similar glimmer that the platonic connection gives you.

    Some friendships are meant to last lifetimes, while others can turn into something more. But for the former, let however good and fulfilling those friendships are to you serve as the template for more heartwarming connections.

    D.F.

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  • Healing

    Things I’ve learned about healing since my journey began:

    Healing isn’t linear. At the start of it, you can still repeat habits that you’ve lived with for a long time until they’re either gone, or manageable.

    Healing is a choice that takes time to adapt to. It’s not something to ingest for a bit, feel good about trying, then hope the memory of its flavor is enough to say “good times.”

    Declaring that you’re on this journey to others won’t always be well received. Too often, it’s the people closest to you that will challenge it, because the more you do it, the greater the chances they’ll have to face themselves.

    They don’t want that. Better to paint you the enemy than to claim they were ever one.

    It’s gets easier to let go of people and things that were a source of comfort when you didn’t know who you were yet. Memories of the good times, mixed with ideas of what they could have been can occur.

    But they served their purpose. Chances are you’ve served theirs. Who left you and who you left can be filled with new, more exciting people that see the new you, removed from what you remember of yourself.

    Overall, it is your right to heal. No one can take it from you. If you’ve lived a long enough life where you’ve given that right away to please others in the past and present, you have all the reasons and resources to change that.

    And it’s not too late to start.

    D.F.

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  • Freaky Friday: Becoming the Parent You Never Had

    At some point in your healing, expect people still in your life to ask you questions that may suggest that they want to do the same. This can include a parent with a history of abuse up to this day.

    When they declare that they want to change, you have every right to be hesitant about the claim. Every part of you may want to ignore it and save your energy and time for anyone genuinely ready.

    But you do it anyway. That “damned if you do or don’t” feeling will have multiple inspirations. Especially if you know they have a history of telling people, including fellow abusers, about any attempts to heal yourself and others.

    At best, the next time you see them, they give off the energy that they may have started to change their habits. It’s one’s right as an abuse survivor to have our heightened senses pick up any development.

    At worse, it’s business as usual. You may feel like you wasted your time, and might have given them a blueprint on how and why to double down on their polarizing beliefs.

    Time wasn’t wasted.

    It’s allowed to hurt when someone you want to fully care for doesn’t make an effort to change, even after they show interest to try. But in that pain lies reasons to continue parenting yourself.

    To be the parent that you never had, or will have. To whom it may apply, be the parent to your child that you never had.

    D.F.

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  • Cross-Up: Flipping the Energy of Abuse

    (Edited: 09/28/2024)

    There is a kind of fear that can be seen in the eyes of people against you.

    They will talk you into believing that you’re not worth the dreams you’re making reality, or already have.

    They will steer you into their own goals and paint them like it’s beneficial to you.

    What they don’t realize is that every time they do it, they are feeding into your healing. The more they remind of you their old ways blending them with new ones, the more you can use that as proof about one thing:

    You would never treat anyone else that way.

    These people are incapable of change, and sometimes they know it. They’ll even fake it and make you feel like you’re safe around them.

    Hold onto the truth that you’re not. Keep reminding yourself that their inability to change is why you will. Your future depends on it.

    D.F.

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  • Progress Report: Being Praised When You Least Expect It

    When you feel like you’re not doing enough to show how progressive you are about your present and future, someone or something will remind you without warning. That’s often the best way for me.

    I used to be the one that would fish for compliments and adoration so heavily, it became one of the things I had to unlearn.

    Yes, I’ve done it in rare times on social media, but what I’ve put out there of myself is my own proof that I’m worthy. Not just of one thing or several, but period.

    That’s why it means more when so much as a positive meme comes from a reliable, and safe source. A friend, or family by blood or spirit, and even a romantic partner. Those are among the sources that we can relate to who can support what we’ve come to know is true in our own hearts.

    Take any bit of time you can in your day to cheer on someone you care for. Let them know that their progress is being recognized and supported, even from a distance. You never know who needs that, even if they move as if they don’t. We all do.

    D.F.

  • Finding Joy: Rediscovering Love in a New Life

    Romantic love is something I’ve been learning how to feel again in the last three years.

    It comes from decades of believing in a kind of love that warped my senses to think that harmful and abusive behaviors should run side-by-side with any form of it.

    Doesn’t matter if it was learned or observed behavior, I believed that form of love was true all around. Even during relationships, which made it even harder to unlearn the patterns until I made it out.

    And I did it just in time to meet the right people to lead me to a rewarding connection.

    And I don’t just mean people that I can call, text, and hang out with. I had a chance to meet myself. The sane, healthy part of me that screamed from the inside to listen to them when things felt off, and not for me.

    When I finally had the time to be alone with that part of me, we had some battles to fight. One from the past that either stayed there, or bled into the present because of our own actions mixed with others who refuse to be told about themselves.

    Through all of that, love was being redefined. Like defragmenting to get out the unnecessary mess so that your system can run better than before. It won’t be perfect due to wear and tear, but like me, know what’s best for itself.

    Love in all its forms is a safe yet chaotic space even when it’s built on healthy ground. Safe because it’s defined in a way that serves people with compassion and trust. Chaotic because you’ll do anything to maintain the peace is brings you and others.

    That’s where I’m at with it now. Knowing who loves me for who I am and have become has set a foundation of what I want moving forward. Even as I’m still working to be free from places that have been the opposite, and often wish to show love in archaic, destructive manners.

    That’s what I’ve earned. It’s what I’ve worked for without knowing I’d have it so soon. And I’ll everything I can to keep it close to me.

    D.F.

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  • Breaking

    Breaking

    I shared this image on social media today, and while it can deserve my own follow-up to it, a friend had replied by saying “sad thing is you can’t until you have been shattered.”

    It took a moment to write, but I ended up saying the following:

    “I see the point about it being sad that you have to go through that first, but look at how many people get shattered and stay that way because they feel that’s either all they deserve.

    Some people try to get close and get hurt, and the broken person could care less because misery loves company. They even surround themselves with people that will enabled the laid-out pieces, even celebrating that they are there for a number of twisted reasons.

    Then you got the other people that can sweep the pieces up and glue them back together. Sometimes with personal and professional help. The broken art won’t be what it was, but a lot can be learned and shared about the journey of putting it back together. Learning how to make sure the pieces don’t hurt old and new people that want to help you reform, because they see how you are doing it for yourself, and not for clout or attempting to pull someone.

    That way you look at the parts that can’t or don’t fit with what’s been restored, and be good with what has and will replace them.”

    As of this posting they have not responded yet, but for the most part I feel good about what was said, and just like the rest of this blog, comes from personal accounts. So I guess I am ready to talk with many more people the way the source material suggested.

    D.F.

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  • Shout: Sharing Your Joy in the Face of Oppressors

    Sometimes it feels like your happiness should not be shared to the world.

    The broader the announcement, the greater the threat it can be to that declaration.

    That can come from a history of people in your present and past life that may take that happiness and “punish” you for finding it.

    Reasons can include that you found it outside of their provisions and conditions, or their beliefs that your purer definitions of happiness do not match theirs.

    Jealousy and envy comes in different and surprising forms. The longer you abide by the rules of people that feel it, the harder it seems to reveal your passions. Especially with those who act like they have emotional leverage over you.

    Then comes a point where you say “yes, I deserve this, and it’s time people know that I do, no matter how they feel about me.”

    Whatever that announcement may be, know that for every person who celebrates you, the others will either be repulsed away, or try to stick around to see how long that feeling lasts.

    The second part reminds me of what’s said about anger towards someone, where they’re drinking poison hoping it hurts the other person. Double for those who can not admit their own faults that created the hate for you.

    Declare your happiness. It’s okay to be scared of who or what tries to take it from you based on what you’re still healing from. The people responsible for that history will avoid exposing their hate until it hurts them. Being aware of it should never hurt you so much that you don’t believe that you deserve that happiness. Even if you do still wish to keep it secret and safe.

    You always have.

    D.F.

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