-
The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
-
Short One Today
You never know who sees great things about you than you have discovered in yourself.
Even if/when you both see the same things, the way they describe it might spark joy, even validation that you are on the right path.
But it’s always important to see those things for yourself. The signs are all around you, and within.
Take a full minute out of your day to celebrate yourself the way others will take a moment to celebrate you. I guarantee you that you will take more than a minute to think of ways you have. You deserve that for yourself and your future.
D.F.
-
Courage Under Fire: Seeing the Bright Side of Getting Older.
Have you ever known someone that isn’t excited about their birthday because they feel too old or cynical about the event?
Have you ever been, or are that person?
As I’m writing this entry days before my own birthday, part of me is somewhere in-between joy and discomfort.
The discomfort comes from the invasive thoughts inspired by people that have a history of judgment about what I’ve done and doing for myself. Even when I share what I am laser-focused on, some will say that their own goals, ideas, and demands should matter more. I would still proceed with what I want, but not at the same strength as I did before I would coddle their needs.
I didn’t know how to create a balance that could satisfy both of us, or all of us. I gave into servitude, obedience, and silence to far too many people many times. Too often I felt like I stunted my own growth to have my own space the way others have, whether they have life partners or not.
I was in variations of survival mode.
I was taking the joyous moments as they came. It was only a matter of time before the emotional breakdowns would happen because I let the metaphoric leash be tugged again. All while trying to tame the brain to do what was needed to get what I wanted.
Some things that I still want to this day.
But then there’s the joy of it. Between my last birthday and this one, the accomplishments that came from persistence, dedication, and self-control increased in areas that were ignored because I got settled in survival modes.
Some of those old habits were fused with what new things I was doing for myself. The writing, the self-education with mental health, aggressive job searching, all while managing to stay creative on an entertaining level.
All of that made things easier to not only realize that I can maintain a balance of serving myself and others, but to also know how and where to make myself a priority the most.
It’s been a long road to control that, and it’s not without its old anxieties about how people will react when they know what I’ve done “behind their backs,” as I’m guessing they’ll see it. Not that I should care, anyway.
Sometimes you must be open about your personal growth however you choose to do it. Not everyone is meant to understand why you’re doing it or what brought you to do so. But the people that matter are the ones that see you continue to change for the better. They’ll celebrate you with the same smile as they do on your birthday, and on the days in between the last one and next.
Whether it’s getting a promotion or learning to drink water first thing in the morning, you deserve to celebrate anything you’ve achieved to better your present and future. It’s a gift that will never get old, no matter how old you are, or will be.
D.F.
-
“Get On Up” – Reviving the Music in Me
The past few weeks have been giving me signs to go back to one of my oldest creative loves: music composition.
I was using a program that was new for its time and ran with it long after the Playstation 2 system I used it on had passed its mainstream relevance.
Sometimes the music ended up on other people’s projects, but it was often made just for me. Another canvas to do my artwork on, along with the sea of unfinished sketchbooks that I still have. I’ll get back to them another time.
December of 2020 was the last time I made a song, and by that point, I was already struggling with thoughts like “why am I still using this?” “Shouldn’t I have upgraded by now?” This goes along with other self-defeating thoughts that were born that year.
So everything connected to it sat in a plastic bag until further notice. There were other technical issues outside of that which made it difficult to record tracks for any reason, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to produce again.
It even came down to recording me humming track ideas into my phone, knowing that I’d be back to it. Even if it meant unearthing the relics that started that journey.
The more I started listening to artists and/or tracks that were similar to the melodic, electronic, and even experimental sounds that I recalled making, the inspiration swelled up again this year. More than any in the three years I had committed to other art forms.
That’s when I finally got that bag out the corner and reconnected everything to the TV. Surprisingly not dusty, but with the knowledge that newer technology is on my side, I knew something was going to come of this more than ever. Not just because a new song idea was dancing in my mind for these few weeks, either.
I didn’t give up on the gift. In hindsight, the break was needed. Given the life matters that I’ve addressed multiple times in the blog, that needed more attention than anything. Yet even through that, the music did not die in me.
Music, as a whole, was, and still is a life saver. Especially during this time with writing on here.
Have you ever had that happen to you? Where a gift that was in your heart to express, even if only to yourself, was now in the back of your mind? Sitting behind doubts of it being worth revisiting, or the memories of people talking down its existence, which unknowingly to them is talking down yours?
It was a lengthy process to break myself of those ideas. I knew what I didn’t want to happen again in reviving this side of me, but not as much as what I needed myself to know by doing it.
It was a new season of creation, fueled by other ways I’ve boosted confidence in creation, self-expression, and motivation to go further in everything I’m passionate about.
The inner battle is sometimes a tough one to decide what is best to focus on the most, especially when there’s comfort in everything we can do. But when it comes to those things that are on the bench feeling ready to get back on the field, who are we to deny its call?
The louder your calling gets, the more it should never be denied.
D.F.
P.S. – Everything was hooked back up on Valentine’s Day. I appreciate that timed symbolism.
-
“Seasons of Love”: The Rewarding Patience in Romance
Romantic love isn’t for everyone.
Some of us tried it and found out that it didn’t match what’s in our hearts. Others are learning even in older ages what it could and should be, after years of adopting a rough system that feels love can be bought, rented, or stolen.
Love as a whole is an emotion that deserves to be treated with respect. Circumstances define it for us until we know when it should evolve for our newer, healthier comforts.
Those that are set in their beliefs will challenge it. It is expected when you wish to break any uncomfortable thoughts on a cultural and generational level.
How you approach romantic love will shake those that can’t see love any other way, and may dare you to reconsider your move.
But none of them know your heart better than you.
That’s true not just in romantic love. It’s true in your sexual and gender identity, as well as who you wish to give that side of your heart to.
Even when the world feels like it’s fashioned to be against your choices, you are not alone in this. It takes time and experience to see anyone either being a template or a primary source of who you want to spend life with.
If this is what your heart wishes the most, hold steady. Keep true to your own path outside of romance. They are either on the way, or they are closer than you think.
D.F.
-
“All Of Us”: The Pure Love Amongst Friends
“The power of friendship.”
It’s a common phrase that’s joked about in specific entertainment media, mostly because it’s a plot device that gives a story’s hero/heroes a boost to overcome their odds.
As cliché as it’s become in media, few people can deny it’s a real world fact that the right friendships will help you through the messiest situations.
Whether you or someone you know is off facing otherwordly threats, or managing real life people that act like them, someone’s always there for you. Even when they don’t know everything you’re going through, they show up either as a cheerleader, support fire, or a very inventive hybrid of the two.
It sometimes takes a lot to overcome the idea that you might be bothering them when asking for help. I’ve been there countless times, even in the new seasons to this day. In time, you know who will reach out and respond when they can.
Sometimes they even reach out without a prompt.
A blessing of kind words, a few dollars into your Venmo or the like, any surprise gesture reminding you that you are special to them. That when you came to mind, that was the moment to remind you that you are loved and supported. Even when things are mostly going well for you!
More than likely they’ve been where you’ve been, and want to be the support that someone was to that person. Chances are, being the support that you were to them, too.
So much like the final boss in most fantasy stories, the power of friendship can shows up in multiple forms. The big difference is that your friends are helping you defeat the belief that you have to fight alone.
D.F.
-
Changing Lanes: Trying to Stay Focused on a Message
I’ve been trying to write something for today that was sticking with the more positive tones that I wanted to do more of this time around. But I couldn’t. There’s a few newly unfinished entries that were the opposite, and I had to re-shift until I knew it was the right time to continue with them.
So instead of writing about any of the “new” topics in that headspace, why not talk about my thought process during their conceptions?
Chances are it’s because I had what could count as breakfast, even after a solid and rare 7 hours of sleep. Making even minimal time outdoors before work could have helped clear the mind. And excusing the mood by saying “I’ve talked about this before, just not with this detail” still felt off.
It’s the short list of things I could have done to stay in the “right” lane, but you get the idea.
I like the softer flow. I like showing that there’s more to my life experiences than pain and disappointment, which even during those entries also has their positive spins to them.
And I’m not saying that I will stop getting deep, because there’s some things that still deserve to be talked about. One of the saves is something brand new, and even then I have to be careful how it’s presented for—and this is a first—legal reasons.
But this was still an opportunity to slow down and recognize the possible sources of these heavy moods. Sometimes it’s even unchecked or unspoken trauma. Or even after for as long as I’ve written, still have concerns that the audience doesn’t understand where I’m coming from.
But I had to remember that not everyone will and has understood me in this era. From (former) friends, ex-love interests, in-laws, and more. And I speak the same towards you.
Not everyone will understand you, or even reject you when you’ve learned how to share your emotions in a healthy and progressive way. They may not have experienced that, and their only answer to it serves as why you’ve chosen peace over conflict. Still, no matter what crowd you’re trying to reach, if any, only a few will stay to hear more.
They won’t give up on you because you haven’t given up on yourself.
Sometimes that’s enough to keep your hands on the wheel, and make the turn you meant to take.
D.F.
-
(Short) “School Daze”: Being a Lifelong Student of Life
We all have our reasons to care for others as we do being cautious at who declares caring.
It seems the older we get, or even the more experiences we gain and witness even in youth, the more careful we become in who to show compassion for, and who to let care for us.
Being on all sides of that, I can confirm that it does take some life experiences to push through to learn that skill. New lessons will come during your time in class, too, because everyone loves a pop quiz.
No what, you will be surprised at who and what makes learning many of those lessons worth it. Just make sure to take your time and not rush, or cheat your way through it.
D.F.
-
“Do the Right Thing”: The Gains and Losses During Personal Growth
One of the things I used to worry about when I started writing here was who would I lose connection with once they learned I was digging into so much as mental health advocacy.
That idea was leaned into more when I knew the day would come that I’d speak the way I did in my last entry.
Then I shifted to believing something else. There’s more to gain than lose when you start sharing yourself unapologetically. So long as what you’re sharing comes from a place of compassion that you also wish for yourself.
Who you lose along the way makes room for those that can see and appreciate your efforts, whether in the short or long run.
And if you’re the type to share them more openly, the choice is yours if you do it to the point of caring for algorithms, engagement, and other social media buzzwords.
Surely there’s a way to go to that level without losing sight of why you began your journey of self-expression. I know I almost did a few times, and I’ll continue to check myself on that. Also the points about praising who’s here, smiling at who’s coming, and thanking those that I left and who left me.
-
“Black”: How I Finally Defined My Existence
CW: Trauma (Edited 2/4/2024)
Up until this entry, I had my reasons not to share any racial identity during the blog’s run. I may go into that in a future entry. Chances are it’s fate that this is the first entry to do it on the first usual entry day during Black History Month.
I bring this up because I recently started reading a book called Self-Care for Black Men: 100 Ways to Heal and Liberate, by Jor-El Caraballo. I’m early into it, but there was a section titled “Define Blackness For Yourself” that hit deep.
It hit that way because the question had mentally arrived as fast as it went throughout my life. Like my mind was not ready to dive deep into what definitions were forced onto me, or uncomfortably believed.
Those definitions were even made by non-Black folk that would also label me an “Oreo” or “the whitest Black guy they’ve even known,” and other degrading reviews of my nature and tastes.
Sometimes they came from older black people, a few I remember being old enough to be alive for those that may not or didn’t “speak Black.” These were historical figures who spoke with passion, intelligence, and a desire to leave behind inspiration for our people to do the same.
And as much as I felt there was something to say about the whole experience, I chose to be in spaces where that kind of talk was not invited to the parties that even I was lucky to be welcomed to.
The characters at those spaces would range from “I don’t see color,” some trashy pun on “Black Lives Matter.” Or the biggest one, thinking you’re “safe” to use the N-word around without being judged on site, sometimes because they think I (am allowed to) use it.
Thankfully in recent years I’ve been more vocal about that last bit when it’s necessary.
But this is a short list of what I thought about when I read that entry in the book. I had to think of how I can define it, combined with how I’ve been able to define personal accounts of trauma and triumphs, abuse and comfort, and triggers and glimmers since the blog began.
With that said, here’s what I wrote in my notebook in a stream of consciousness to define what Blackness means to me:
“Blackness is to feel your worth even when surrounded by those that want you to feel unworthy. To feel the emotions that society and generations claim you shouldn’t feel, because your skin is your armor.
Blackness is the chance to see what the world could be in your influence, gifts, and unconditional love that was denied by our ancestors, friends, and family.
Blackness is the chance to hear how deep the pain and miseducation of our people is more praised than persecuted, and to choose the progressive path in spite of its dangers.
Blackness offers me a voice, a perspective that means more to breaking cycles and bringing peace to the war that was put into my heart.
Blackness is reclamation of time lost to the hurtful, history corrupted by the tainted, and assurance that how we choose to speak, what music we enjoy, the arts we perform, and truths to be revealed, come from a source that the modern world owes infinite thanks to. ”
I don’t expect many to agree with me on my definition as much as many judge(d) my “Blackness” on cultural activities, behaviors, and knowledge. I can think of a few people that will attempt to redirect my definition to theirs, much as they’ve done with other topics since knowing them.
Even they have to know that we each lived different lives, and processed the good, bad, and neutral things about our emotions, and our Blackness differently. If processed at all.
I’m glad to be in a place where I can look back on this entry alone and be the voice that was denied by those before me. And in the same strength, be the voice that I denied myself for too long.
D.F
-
Office Space
So it’s only a few more months before I’m at my current job for a year. The first six months were a huge learning experience, and for a time I thought I was doing things right.
That’s when the monthly reviews began halfway, and when I was told to slow down to avoid the list of errors I made. It was also a reminder to ask questions about things I didn’t know, or felt like I should have after being there for that long.
I did get better with both of those. Anxiety, however, likes to tagalong and build up concerns and fears like “am I asking too many questions?” “Will they demote/move me to another department because I’m not getting it?”
They proved me wrong. In fact, one of my team members that was also one of my trainers had told me on Monday that it was the opposite.
Two members of our team were moved to another department because they didn’t do the same things I did, which was ask for help and utilize the knowledge. This was added with frequent reassurance of even senior partners like my trainer will have faulty moments as well.
Sometimes when we think we’re doing something that harms our growth, others see it as doing something that strengthens it. Those are the ones that want you to succeed, either for yourself or for a team.
It’s also good to ask questions to the right people that have been where you are. You’re never too old to learn or relearn what’s needed to maintain what you care about the most. Whatever your learning style is, embrace it, and remind yourself of how good that education is.
I’m still working on the anxiety flare-ups that come from some of the things I (still) don’t know well, yet. As long as I stay patient and focused, I’ll get there, and that’s true even off the clock.
D.F.
-
Subscribe
Subscribed
Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
The Brighter the Picture 