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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Pain and Gain: Facing the Hard Truths for a Better Life
Thinking of making Fridays a day to start sharing quotes that I get from random sources throughout my week. Whether it’s from scripted or unscripted material, there’s always something to pull from it, starting with this:
“We don’t have to be afraid of our pain. We just have to decide what we’re going to do with it.”
Jet, from Avatar: The Last Airbender (Live-action)
The blog running for as long as it has is a great example of that.
What good were all the frustrations and other rough emotions doing for me just staying bottled in?
Choosing this path over other ones has helped communicate things that were always in me, but weren’t as easily accessible because I had to bury myself out of decades of every bit of emotional mess that I often put myself in, as well as held on to longer than I should have.
Not saying that some of it isn’t still there, but it’s gotten better to remind myself how to channel it to posts like this, and other actions even offline.
Take time to notice the moments where you’ve converted pain into the things, and be around people that make you the most comfortable. Then celebrate yourself for being free enough to move forward, or having been free from the kinds of trouble that held you back for too long.
Enjoy your weekend 😊
D.F.
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Skin: How I Stopped Hiding My Blackness
The first entry of this month was a declaration of my racial identity. For too long I felt like its reveal would push away anyone that would have settled on this blog being written by anyone that matches their comforts. After a while I’d reveal that much and let whatever happens happen.
I eventually told myself that I didn’t need to hide that part of me anymore. I was already successful at opening about matters that cover most of this blog. Ones that people of my race are divided between those that reveal their emotional and domestic issues, and others that want them to stay quiet about it.
It was already a “damned if I do or don’t” feeling going into those topics alone. They are ones that anyone of every background may relate to if they’ve done the work to reveal it to themselves. Holding them in while being secretive about my race to potentially reach a wider audience felt safe.
Then came more research. More awareness that other black folk of all ages, identities, and more, were sharing their discoveries, pains, and progress on every platform possible. I remember looking at how much of a following they had and was almost intimidated by the idea of “who’s going to listen to me when we’re already out here?”
“No,” I told myself. “They are out here. You’re not. At least not fully.”
It also helped to remind myself that I didn’t start this for mass appeal. I did it because it was the only way to share my views and opinions without starting a conflict with anyone close to me that it could affect.
That didn’t work out too well with one, but it didn’t stop me.
Like every disappointing and hurtful moment, it was inspirational to keep going.
So, months ago, I made the progress to use other platforms to do just that. Share my experiences with my face sometimes in full view, tagging this page to accounts for others to witness what else dances in my otherwise entertaining head.
Being comfortable with the fact that for any one person that walks or avoids because I don’t fit the image of what black people do, others will come and praise me for being open about how I’m healing. How I hope to heal others.
No matter how different our race, appearance, age ranges, and other things will be with each other, healing from what’s hurt and hurting us can be a way to come together and share joy lying on the other sides of that. Moments will be shared that are exclusive to our person, but there’s always something good to take from someone else’s story.
Sometimes it takes putting aside any shallow grievances to do it, but it is both possible and worth journey.
It has been for me.
D.F.
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Message from the King: College Lessons Revisited (Part 2 of 2)
Previously, I talked about revising notes taken while watching The King’s Speech during college many years ago. The following will conclude said notes. For further context, please read part one, located here.
“Not to get caught up in saying what you want to sound more important than what the message’s point is.”
I claim a lot of guilt for this, and I say that laughing while typing. I’ve sometimes wanted to get a point across that may mimic how “cool” someone else sounded, and risk mimicking them so much I lose my topic.
I had to learn to just be natural. Be chill. The more authentic I sound, the better hold I’ll have to any willing audience. It’s easy to do on this format. Backspacing is the greatest.
Finally…
“Finding your own pace, not to worry about sounding as good as others appear to you. Everyone has their own style.”
Confession. I skimmed through the four notes before focusing on what they said in full. i had only read this one right as I was settled on writing for the other. This note fits too well with what I finished saying there.
It’s quite a moment to realize how ahead of myself I was, only to have made time to use these methods in the style, pacing, and balance that comes with knowing what I’ve wanted to say for decades.
These notes date back to Spring of 2012, a little into a year later to the point that inspired the first posts I made here.
I’d like to think that I came a long way since then.
Soon enough, I’ll take all this knowledge to the stage.
D.F.
P.S. Pardon the late posting. Tech issue resolved.
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Message from the King: College Lessons Revisited (Part 1 of 2)
So I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning out old papers these last few months. The most recent had me run into an old notebook with stuff written for a public speaking class.
One section had notes regarding the biopic The King’s Speech, about King George VI overcoming his speech impediment to inspire his people during WW2. A well made movie that was surely inspiring for all of us.Here’s two of the four notes that I had down that still hold weight to me now:
“Can’t get too caught up in the issues that have little to do with your presentation.”
This is partly why I have so many drafts either on standby or deleted. Sometimes I get into a zone where the brain bounces around into writing things that are relative to me, but might be derailing or off-putting to anyone reading the post.
Catching myself in those moments has helped create additional entries, but there’s overall satisfaction in the self-control to stay on point, and try not to rely on too many callbacks.
“Learn to focus. Have confidence in your words, on and off paper.”
As I said, doing that on paper/screen was and can sometimes still be a challenge. For as long as I’ve done it, I often found it easier to communicate clearly.
On occasion, I’ll find myself fighting to have some solid closing to what I’m saying, especially when I know I have an audience’s attention.
The more informed and collected I am about what I’ll say, the bigger the confidence will be. It’s an extra notch towards the pat on the back you deserve to give yourself.
I’ll conclude this on Monday. Thanks for reading 🙂
D.F.
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Short One Today
You never know who sees great things about you than you have discovered in yourself.
Even if/when you both see the same things, the way they describe it might spark joy, even validation that you are on the right path.
But it’s always important to see those things for yourself. The signs are all around you, and within.
Take a full minute out of your day to celebrate yourself the way others will take a moment to celebrate you. I guarantee you that you will take more than a minute to think of ways you have. You deserve that for yourself and your future.
D.F.
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Courage Under Fire: Seeing the Bright Side of Getting Older.
Have you ever known someone that isn’t excited about their birthday because they feel too old or cynical about the event?
Have you ever been, or are that person?
As I’m writing this entry days before my own birthday, part of me is somewhere in-between joy and discomfort.
The discomfort comes from the invasive thoughts inspired by people that have a history of judgment about what I’ve done and doing for myself. Even when I share what I am laser-focused on, some will say that their own goals, ideas, and demands should matter more. I would still proceed with what I want, but not at the same strength as I did before I would coddle their needs.
I didn’t know how to create a balance that could satisfy both of us, or all of us. I gave into servitude, obedience, and silence to far too many people many times. Too often I felt like I stunted my own growth to have my own space the way others have, whether they have life partners or not.
I was in variations of survival mode.
I was taking the joyous moments as they came. It was only a matter of time before the emotional breakdowns would happen because I let the metaphoric leash be tugged again. All while trying to tame the brain to do what was needed to get what I wanted.
Some things that I still want to this day.
But then there’s the joy of it. Between my last birthday and this one, the accomplishments that came from persistence, dedication, and self-control increased in areas that were ignored because I got settled in survival modes.
Some of those old habits were fused with what new things I was doing for myself. The writing, the self-education with mental health, aggressive job searching, all while managing to stay creative on an entertaining level.
All of that made things easier to not only realize that I can maintain a balance of serving myself and others, but to also know how and where to make myself a priority the most.
It’s been a long road to control that, and it’s not without its old anxieties about how people will react when they know what I’ve done “behind their backs,” as I’m guessing they’ll see it. Not that I should care, anyway.
Sometimes you must be open about your personal growth however you choose to do it. Not everyone is meant to understand why you’re doing it or what brought you to do so. But the people that matter are the ones that see you continue to change for the better. They’ll celebrate you with the same smile as they do on your birthday, and on the days in between the last one and next.
Whether it’s getting a promotion or learning to drink water first thing in the morning, you deserve to celebrate anything you’ve achieved to better your present and future. It’s a gift that will never get old, no matter how old you are, or will be.
D.F.
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“Get On Up” – Reviving the Music in Me
The past few weeks have been giving me signs to go back to one of my oldest creative loves: music composition.
I was using a program that was new for its time and ran with it long after the Playstation 2 system I used it on had passed its mainstream relevance.
Sometimes the music ended up on other people’s projects, but it was often made just for me. Another canvas to do my artwork on, along with the sea of unfinished sketchbooks that I still have. I’ll get back to them another time.
December of 2020 was the last time I made a song, and by that point, I was already struggling with thoughts like “why am I still using this?” “Shouldn’t I have upgraded by now?” This goes along with other self-defeating thoughts that were born that year.
So everything connected to it sat in a plastic bag until further notice. There were other technical issues outside of that which made it difficult to record tracks for any reason, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to produce again.
It even came down to recording me humming track ideas into my phone, knowing that I’d be back to it. Even if it meant unearthing the relics that started that journey.
The more I started listening to artists and/or tracks that were similar to the melodic, electronic, and even experimental sounds that I recalled making, the inspiration swelled up again this year. More than any in the three years I had committed to other art forms.
That’s when I finally got that bag out the corner and reconnected everything to the TV. Surprisingly not dusty, but with the knowledge that newer technology is on my side, I knew something was going to come of this more than ever. Not just because a new song idea was dancing in my mind for these few weeks, either.
I didn’t give up on the gift. In hindsight, the break was needed. Given the life matters that I’ve addressed multiple times in the blog, that needed more attention than anything. Yet even through that, the music did not die in me.
Music, as a whole, was, and still is a life saver. Especially during this time with writing on here.
Have you ever had that happen to you? Where a gift that was in your heart to express, even if only to yourself, was now in the back of your mind? Sitting behind doubts of it being worth revisiting, or the memories of people talking down its existence, which unknowingly to them is talking down yours?
It was a lengthy process to break myself of those ideas. I knew what I didn’t want to happen again in reviving this side of me, but not as much as what I needed myself to know by doing it.
It was a new season of creation, fueled by other ways I’ve boosted confidence in creation, self-expression, and motivation to go further in everything I’m passionate about.
The inner battle is sometimes a tough one to decide what is best to focus on the most, especially when there’s comfort in everything we can do. But when it comes to those things that are on the bench feeling ready to get back on the field, who are we to deny its call?
The louder your calling gets, the more it should never be denied.
D.F.
P.S. – Everything was hooked back up on Valentine’s Day. I appreciate that timed symbolism.
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“Seasons of Love”: The Rewarding Patience in Romance
Romantic love isn’t for everyone.
Some of us tried it and found out that it didn’t match what’s in our hearts. Others are learning even in older ages what it could and should be, after years of adopting a rough system that feels love can be bought, rented, or stolen.
Love as a whole is an emotion that deserves to be treated with respect. Circumstances define it for us until we know when it should evolve for our newer, healthier comforts.
Those that are set in their beliefs will challenge it. It is expected when you wish to break any uncomfortable thoughts on a cultural and generational level.
How you approach romantic love will shake those that can’t see love any other way, and may dare you to reconsider your move.
But none of them know your heart better than you.
That’s true not just in romantic love. It’s true in your sexual and gender identity, as well as who you wish to give that side of your heart to.
Even when the world feels like it’s fashioned to be against your choices, you are not alone in this. It takes time and experience to see anyone either being a template or a primary source of who you want to spend life with.
If this is what your heart wishes the most, hold steady. Keep true to your own path outside of romance. They are either on the way, or they are closer than you think.
D.F.
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“All Of Us”: The Pure Love Amongst Friends
“The power of friendship.”
It’s a common phrase that’s joked about in specific entertainment media, mostly because it’s a plot device that gives a story’s hero/heroes a boost to overcome their odds.
As cliché as it’s become in media, few people can deny it’s a real world fact that the right friendships will help you through the messiest situations.
Whether you or someone you know is off facing otherwordly threats, or managing real life people that act like them, someone’s always there for you. Even when they don’t know everything you’re going through, they show up either as a cheerleader, support fire, or a very inventive hybrid of the two.
It sometimes takes a lot to overcome the idea that you might be bothering them when asking for help. I’ve been there countless times, even in the new seasons to this day. In time, you know who will reach out and respond when they can.
Sometimes they even reach out without a prompt.
A blessing of kind words, a few dollars into your Venmo or the like, any surprise gesture reminding you that you are special to them. That when you came to mind, that was the moment to remind you that you are loved and supported. Even when things are mostly going well for you!
More than likely they’ve been where you’ve been, and want to be the support that someone was to that person. Chances are, being the support that you were to them, too.
So much like the final boss in most fantasy stories, the power of friendship can shows up in multiple forms. The big difference is that your friends are helping you defeat the belief that you have to fight alone.
D.F.
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Changing Lanes: Trying to Stay Focused on a Message
I’ve been trying to write something for today that was sticking with the more positive tones that I wanted to do more of this time around. But I couldn’t. There’s a few newly unfinished entries that were the opposite, and I had to re-shift until I knew it was the right time to continue with them.
So instead of writing about any of the “new” topics in that headspace, why not talk about my thought process during their conceptions?
Chances are it’s because I had what could count as breakfast, even after a solid and rare 7 hours of sleep. Making even minimal time outdoors before work could have helped clear the mind. And excusing the mood by saying “I’ve talked about this before, just not with this detail” still felt off.
It’s the short list of things I could have done to stay in the “right” lane, but you get the idea.
I like the softer flow. I like showing that there’s more to my life experiences than pain and disappointment, which even during those entries also has their positive spins to them.
And I’m not saying that I will stop getting deep, because there’s some things that still deserve to be talked about. One of the saves is something brand new, and even then I have to be careful how it’s presented for—and this is a first—legal reasons.
But this was still an opportunity to slow down and recognize the possible sources of these heavy moods. Sometimes it’s even unchecked or unspoken trauma. Or even after for as long as I’ve written, still have concerns that the audience doesn’t understand where I’m coming from.
But I had to remember that not everyone will and has understood me in this era. From (former) friends, ex-love interests, in-laws, and more. And I speak the same towards you.
Not everyone will understand you, or even reject you when you’ve learned how to share your emotions in a healthy and progressive way. They may not have experienced that, and their only answer to it serves as why you’ve chosen peace over conflict. Still, no matter what crowd you’re trying to reach, if any, only a few will stay to hear more.
They won’t give up on you because you haven’t given up on yourself.
Sometimes that’s enough to keep your hands on the wheel, and make the turn you meant to take.
D.F.
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The Brighter the Picture 