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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Timeless
Follow-up to The Never-Ending Story.
Time can feel like it slows down long enough to make sure the lessons stick. Anything to confirm that you’re prepared for the curveballs and shots in the dark that life guarantees all of us.
Those experiences can make us both a teacher and a lesson.
On the positive side, you’re in a place where the mix of your own mistakes and ones you’ve witnessed, or were victim to, can teach people how to love themselves again. Or for the first time.
It’s how you can be proof that there’s a life still worth living, sharing, and reclaiming from other people’s control and deceptions. To also not be who you were, and who others still are.
On the negative side of it, lies someone refusing to believe they never did anything wrong to you or others. That any means of rejecting their presence is a punishable insult. And any announcement of what they did wrong should be met with reminders of “all I’ve done for you.”
It’s how someone can be a teacher and a lesson in how to NOT be them.
Throughout this blog, I’ve gone through my history of being someone else’s teacher and lesson, to willingly becoming a teacher. An advocate. A secular minister who learned how to speak to anyone willing to listen, regardless of their spiritual or societal beliefs.
To have shared it this way for so long has helped me become the kind of communicator that I have cursed myself for not being in old seasons. I can’t. And at times when I get close to doing it again, I have new history to prove that something was done about those burdens.
If you haven’t started yet, the same is possible for you.
There’s no categorical limits or requirement to who, how, and when to start believing in using your history to comfort and heal yourself first. The only limits are your commitment and imagination. The only requirement is that you believe that you can do it.
That’s when confidence is eventually built to do it for others, either privately or openly. It draws in people that may do the same. In rare cases combining forces to benefit the continued growth we deserve to have with each other.
Of course, opponents to your journey will exist and expose themselves in surprising forms. New connections and old, it doesn’t matter. Still, every journey to a brighter future is never without conflict and barriers.
Conflict can be avoided and resolved.
Barriers can be broken and rebuilt for you. Not against you.
Even experts can agree that there is no true end to this journey. The best thing we can do is not stop it for our own sake. To not be afraid to share yourself with safe people, professional or not.
To continue to do it for people that see you and love you in a healthy and unconditional state.
If not for them, then for people that may never meet you in person, but are blessed by your perseverance.
Your vulnerability.
Most importantly, the shade made by trees you planted seeds for a long time ago.
It’s taken 200 posts to know how to do it comfortably in the shade, all because I planted a few seeds to get the growth started. From there, I knew how to make it a space for others under a tree that has its weathered aches, but will continue to grow in love.
Just like we will.
D.F.
P.S. Taking a winter break. Will return next year with new posts, and more. Take care of yourselves, and know that you are loved all year round.
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Get Ready
Follow-up to P.S. I Love You.
I’ve spent a lot of time on here talking about the different ways love has been a weapon in the wrong hands, and a salve in the right ones. It’s circumstantial why people define their choice of it, and the roots of that definition are sometimes hard to fight.
Loving yourself can sometimes be treated like arrogance, or even narcissism. Usually from those who own the title without wanting to be called out for it. The harder they call you either one, the more they may see self-love working out for you.
That’s your proof to keep going.
Proof that the momentum, the boundaries, the time management against those that shame you for redefining love is leading somewhere. A place that blocks their influence, yet inspired by their willful ignorance.
If things aren’t already messy during this growth, get ready for it. In some way you already are.
D.F.
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Unity
Follow-up to Gemini Man.
“An adult who learned how to protect the inner child, and soothe the rage built in-between us.”
The story behind how I came up with that quote is a strong one that happened this year.
In short, a famous creator asked us during his panel to come up with a tagline about ourselves. Part of me wanted to sound cool and edgy, but being real mattered more.
Coming up with that in the moment was emotional, and months later it still is. To have made it weeks before the blog’s one year anniversary couldn’t have come at a better time. To have started it by talking mostly to my old self for the first 9 entries, now using one line to speak to more of me.
Research, therapy, and healthy outlets have been important this entire time. Secular or not, personally connected or being an audience member, there’s always a message I needed to hear from people that came to me right on time.
Apollonia Ponti and her team of experts were the first set of people I listened to. Mostly for their relationship advice during a time of significant heartbreak, but they had more to share outside of relationship topics, yet still tied to it that became key to my own discoveries. One of her videos on trauma bonds is what set me up to do the work you’ve seen on here.
Elevation Church was another one on the road to healing. My first experience with them was in person in North Carolina, but continued to follow them online ever since. My history and thoughts on religion are unique to the more devout, but I’ll never deny the impact nearly every pastor that spoke there has made for me.
Psych2Go is another one that’s done with more creative visuals that add more depth, and sometimes a bit of humor to their topics. Like the others I mentioned, it often gets deep, but they’re with you the entire time in ways that may match your comforts. They also encourage their audience to continue their education on their topics, along with seeking professional help.
Change Church is the last one I’ll mention here. Of the other religious themed ones I can say, I love the fact that their lead pastor, Dr. Dharius Daniels, often titles his sermons after entertainment media. For my long-time followers, that should sound familiar. Like I said about Elevation, there’s many positive things to take away from it, even if religious outlets aren’t for you.
It was in me to say these sources because I don’t always make time to cite them, or any. This is a short list, too. It’s all helped in bringing out the questions, perspectives, and hopeful parts of me that I rejected or was denied since I was a child, and even harder into adulthood where I learned what to call out, and what to call certain behaviors.
Pain, protection, and perseverance became my purpose. I couldn’t have realized that without everyone that’s on my side. I thank and love them the way they love me.
In case no one else tells you, I thank and love you, too.*
D.F.
*A loose nod to Mel Robbins.
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The Discovery
Follow-up to Beauty and the Beast.
What I can say about romantic love can apply to platonic love. Far as romance goes, it is an important discussion to have with people of interest.
Too many of us have or still jump into it thinking that all or enough of your problems are answered. As long as you’re waking up with someone next to you, the things you’re still haunted by don’t need to be addressed.
That’s so far from the truth, I’d still be sick of myself about the years where I thought like that. Thankfully I gave myself peace for what I didn’t know.
I also can’t fully agree with a quote on the lines of “you can’t find love unless you love yourself.” Not only for its narrowed idea of love, but for personally experiencing many types of it before believing self-love was possible.
As I said in the last entry, “comforts are allowed to change with time and experience.” That was towards friendship, and the same is true in romance.
The change can be strong enough to look back at people you thought you would miss. When the fire didn’t hurt because you were used to it. No matter how you’re freed from the fire, you’re left to nurse the damage.
Then you heal. Some nerve endings may return. Not enough to feel the same way, but the readjustment gives you new ways to walk through life. Ways to show yourself and others that the scars are not anchors, they’re lessons.
Now you’re seen and heard for what you learned from them. People love you for it in a way that might be new to you. It’s new because it’s matching the safety, passion, and confidence that comes from knowing you survived.
Knowing that you’re ready for a long-lasting love.
D.F.
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The Crew
Follow-up to Squad
I thank many friends, and even healthy acquaintances for everything they’ve taught me this year.
How to be patient, steady, and remined me of the many forms of love that exist in life.
How to continue showing respect for one another’s boundaries. To give them the time they need to heal from the battles they can’t verbalize their frustrations about. For giving the time that I needed to do the same.
I thank my friends for reminding me how my progress is recognized. Knowing how to reach out and give me a message I didn’t know I needed. Also making them aware how I’m both thankful, and that I needed it.
I also thank them for times where I needed a fire lit under me to move into what I’ve wanted and needed for years. Doesn’t matter if it’s indirectly, through DMs, or straight to my face. What better way to show love than fight for another’s future the way one has fought for their own?
What better way to show love back than to receive their word, stick with it, and do the same for others?
We come into this world learning how to make and keep connections that match our comforts. Those comforts are allowed to change with time and experience within and outside the places our ideas of friendship were birthed.
Because of that, not all friendships are meant to last. The healthy ones that do can be matched with ones that began even this year. There may be those moments of anxiety about which ones are a reason, season, or lifetime. Still, whatever time is meant to be made with them, lessons will always exist and deserve to be cherished.
Here’s to more years to all of that 🙂
D.F.
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Guardians
Follow-up to The Big Hit.
The right parents will look at their children and say “what hurts me from my past and present will not be put onto you. I will love you and everything you do that does not bring harm to anyone, including yourself.
“I won’t let your dreams and focus be redirected to meet my needs. You’ll never have to fear opening up to me about how you’re doing, why you’re doing something, who you choose to identify as, and what your heart calls for the most.
“Most importantly, letting me know whenever I’ve hurt you. Tell me what I did wrong to you, so that I change myself for the better, versus knowing so I can hide it better from others, while changing the tone of my voice to bring you down.”
“As a parent, I want my relationship with you to be a positive and lasting template. One which you safely choose the right friends, associates, and romantic partners, should you choose to have any.
“I refuse to gossip and degrade you for not having a romantic connection at any point. I refuse to shame you for not giving me grandchildren in that same energy. If those times never come, you’ll be loved no matter what.
“As your parent, I hope you remember me for the good times. To also remember the times where you were taught why something you did was wrong, without causing you emotional or physical harm you’ll never forget.
“I want to give you things without questioning if I’ll guilt you into caring for my needs later on. When I give you something, it will be a honest gift, not a disguised transaction.
“In total, I want to be the parent to you that I never had. Even if they tried without me knowing it, or me even believing it, what they’ve done is enough to help me give you the love that I deserved. ”
D.F.
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You Light Up My Life
Follow-up to The Dark Half. CW: S-ic-d-, Language.
I was still learning how to write out my feelings at this time, so talking about this topic early on was a challenge.
To some points it still is.
Too many people have their right to feel uneasy about self-harm. Even if it’s not to end it all, it’s right to be careful about this topic. Some of us have known people that “opted out,” others hide that they’ve considered it mutiple times.
I’ve been both.
I’m still reminded of those days, and the brain likes to play around and confuse the past with how I could or should feel in the present. Thoughts tied to seasons where it felt like this was the only way to escape disappointment, shame, and regret.
I disagree with those ideas. When the disappointment and shame comes from people still hurting about their own past with those feelings, they get artful in how to stick onto you to feel a temporary peace in themselves.
They could care less about the war they left on you. They don’t want to be told about it either. With no outlets to trust, pill bottles, a kitchen knife, or a wrong turn into a ditch feel like the warm hug you’ve been missing.
Fuck that.
Their fight isn’t yours. Never will be. Even if you suggest that being near them is emotionally taxing, they’ll deflect as if you’re the problem.
You never were. And death, while it is a fast solution, it’s not the only one.
It’s great if you can live your life knowing it’s not an option at all, but like I said, it has its ways to creep up and mess with you a little. For me, more than when I wrote that old entry, better safeguards are in place.
Reminders of unconditional love being present and paramount in my life.
Accomplishments great and small that will always be worth celebrating.
People taking time out to tell you that they’re proud of you, cheering for you.
And being a reminder, an inspiration, and messenger of all three to others.
So, naturally if I’m not the one to cancel my subscription to “Life,” I’ll continue to speak life into others the way I learned how to do it for myself.
If you’ve (already) begun this for yourself, you know that some days are easier than others. Still, I don’t have to know your name to know that I believe in you the way I keep believing in me.
That’s the way it can be for more of us, and eventually all of us. One life at a time.
D.F.
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Take Your Time
(The following was originally written for last month, breaking from this month’s planned theme.)
As November closes, I reflect on one recurring theme that happened this month. The art of slowing down.
While I am a few months into my job, a performance review made me aware of what was good, but what needed progression. To basically take my time in the work that I do to avoid multiple errors.
It was something that I had told myself prior to the review, but the extra details behind it have helped a great deal. Enough to even thank my manager for the information.
Then there is the time that I took my first walk in one of the local parks in a long time. Now I had been taking better care of myself in strength training and eating habits, specifically during the work days.
What kept me from coming back was the disappointment that I would not be as healthy as I used to be, or not rely so much on benches that are available throughout the walkway.
But that’s why I have to tell myself to slow down, and use those benches as a checkpoint to get back to where I was. At least until it gets too cold to stand it. (Author note, 12/4/2023): It’s getting there now.)
One bench at a time. It’s definitely a mantra that I can carry on to anything in a metaphoric sense as well. I could even say that there’s proof of that existing prior to this month, and friendships and potential revisits to romance.
(Author note, 12/4/2023) Being reminded of this in the drafts today is great timing. I needed this reminder 🙂
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The Golden Voice
(Follow-up to Bless the Child.)
The memories I’ve built since even starting the blog are amazing ones. Not saying that they were all good, but it’s more comfortable to lock into the good stuff right now.Before I started the entry linked above, I began having a comfort towards voice acting. It’s still great to this day, and I can’t go a day without getting into some form of character. It’s a nice mood booster even if I’m not fighting intrusive thoughts.
In the last few months, I made videos of myself reading a few entries from the blog. The reception was good, but I decided to expand on that idea. A way to tie to what I said to my younger self, how I will still use entertainment to connect with people.
Now here I am, on the verge of opening more of myself up into the world.
How else am I going to walk into areas of comfort and stability that I denied myself out of fear throughout my life? That I denied myself because of fear towards other’s disapproval, that I’ve come to see as their own pain reflected on me?
I don’t have to be on camera for it, either. Not yet, anyway. I feel that test was passed recently. I clearly have the voice to share what I have for this long. In fact, I’ve already recorded a couple of entries. Just comes down to me editing all that I need to.
Naturally I’ll link the page on here once things are ready. And I won’t stop posting here, either. There’s more to my plans than I can say, and a lot more to my future with this than I could even know.
D.F.
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The Mercy List
As I start the countdown to 200, I’ll attempt to do something different this month.
When I first began the blog, there were nine entries that were speaking to myself from eleven years ago to that point. It involved speaking to my past self about different individuals and groups of people in my life. Ones that were very influential in everything that I shared.
Once I got deeper into writing, it still involved those people giving me more to say that was either brand new, or tied to an unlocked memory.
This month, I want to do my best to do nine entries speaking on them again, and what I learned about myself and them when I began this journey.
Fun part is, I still have a lot left to learn. But I’ve said before that there is comfort in acknowledging my role as a lifetime student of mental health. A recent public announcement of my advocacy towards it may have been a game changer for those that heard me say it in person.
May have been a game changer towards me, too.
Even as far as last week, I have been looking at old entries to see how much I’ve changed. Never mind some typos that needed fixing, and some justified repetition of topics, but I have changed for the better since this started.
So, here’s to the last nine sticking with the plan. If I don’t, that’s okay, too. Just means there’s something else worth saying for that time.
D.F.
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