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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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The Crew
Follow-up to Squad
I thank many friends, and even healthy acquaintances for everything they’ve taught me this year.
How to be patient, steady, and remined me of the many forms of love that exist in life.
How to continue showing respect for one another’s boundaries. To give them the time they need to heal from the battles they can’t verbalize their frustrations about. For giving the time that I needed to do the same.
I thank my friends for reminding me how my progress is recognized. Knowing how to reach out and give me a message I didn’t know I needed. Also making them aware how I’m both thankful, and that I needed it.
I also thank them for times where I needed a fire lit under me to move into what I’ve wanted and needed for years. Doesn’t matter if it’s indirectly, through DMs, or straight to my face. What better way to show love than fight for another’s future the way one has fought for their own?
What better way to show love back than to receive their word, stick with it, and do the same for others?
We come into this world learning how to make and keep connections that match our comforts. Those comforts are allowed to change with time and experience within and outside the places our ideas of friendship were birthed.
Because of that, not all friendships are meant to last. The healthy ones that do can be matched with ones that began even this year. There may be those moments of anxiety about which ones are a reason, season, or lifetime. Still, whatever time is meant to be made with them, lessons will always exist and deserve to be cherished.
Here’s to more years to all of that 🙂
D.F.
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Guardians
Follow-up to The Big Hit.
The right parents will look at their children and say “what hurts me from my past and present will not be put onto you. I will love you and everything you do that does not bring harm to anyone, including yourself.
“I won’t let your dreams and focus be redirected to meet my needs. You’ll never have to fear opening up to me about how you’re doing, why you’re doing something, who you choose to identify as, and what your heart calls for the most.
“Most importantly, letting me know whenever I’ve hurt you. Tell me what I did wrong to you, so that I change myself for the better, versus knowing so I can hide it better from others, while changing the tone of my voice to bring you down.”
“As a parent, I want my relationship with you to be a positive and lasting template. One which you safely choose the right friends, associates, and romantic partners, should you choose to have any.
“I refuse to gossip and degrade you for not having a romantic connection at any point. I refuse to shame you for not giving me grandchildren in that same energy. If those times never come, you’ll be loved no matter what.
“As your parent, I hope you remember me for the good times. To also remember the times where you were taught why something you did was wrong, without causing you emotional or physical harm you’ll never forget.
“I want to give you things without questioning if I’ll guilt you into caring for my needs later on. When I give you something, it will be a honest gift, not a disguised transaction.
“In total, I want to be the parent to you that I never had. Even if they tried without me knowing it, or me even believing it, what they’ve done is enough to help me give you the love that I deserved. ”
D.F.
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You Light Up My Life
Follow-up to The Dark Half. CW: S-ic-d-, Language.
I was still learning how to write out my feelings at this time, so talking about this topic early on was a challenge.
To some points it still is.
Too many people have their right to feel uneasy about self-harm. Even if it’s not to end it all, it’s right to be careful about this topic. Some of us have known people that “opted out,” others hide that they’ve considered it mutiple times.
I’ve been both.
I’m still reminded of those days, and the brain likes to play around and confuse the past with how I could or should feel in the present. Thoughts tied to seasons where it felt like this was the only way to escape disappointment, shame, and regret.
I disagree with those ideas. When the disappointment and shame comes from people still hurting about their own past with those feelings, they get artful in how to stick onto you to feel a temporary peace in themselves.
They could care less about the war they left on you. They don’t want to be told about it either. With no outlets to trust, pill bottles, a kitchen knife, or a wrong turn into a ditch feel like the warm hug you’ve been missing.
Fuck that.
Their fight isn’t yours. Never will be. Even if you suggest that being near them is emotionally taxing, they’ll deflect as if you’re the problem.
You never were. And death, while it is a fast solution, it’s not the only one.
It’s great if you can live your life knowing it’s not an option at all, but like I said, it has its ways to creep up and mess with you a little. For me, more than when I wrote that old entry, better safeguards are in place.
Reminders of unconditional love being present and paramount in my life.
Accomplishments great and small that will always be worth celebrating.
People taking time out to tell you that they’re proud of you, cheering for you.
And being a reminder, an inspiration, and messenger of all three to others.
So, naturally if I’m not the one to cancel my subscription to “Life,” I’ll continue to speak life into others the way I learned how to do it for myself.
If you’ve (already) begun this for yourself, you know that some days are easier than others. Still, I don’t have to know your name to know that I believe in you the way I keep believing in me.
That’s the way it can be for more of us, and eventually all of us. One life at a time.
D.F.
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Take Your Time
(The following was originally written for last month, breaking from this month’s planned theme.)
As November closes, I reflect on one recurring theme that happened this month. The art of slowing down.
While I am a few months into my job, a performance review made me aware of what was good, but what needed progression. To basically take my time in the work that I do to avoid multiple errors.
It was something that I had told myself prior to the review, but the extra details behind it have helped a great deal. Enough to even thank my manager for the information.
Then there is the time that I took my first walk in one of the local parks in a long time. Now I had been taking better care of myself in strength training and eating habits, specifically during the work days.
What kept me from coming back was the disappointment that I would not be as healthy as I used to be, or not rely so much on benches that are available throughout the walkway.
But that’s why I have to tell myself to slow down, and use those benches as a checkpoint to get back to where I was. At least until it gets too cold to stand it. (Author note, 12/4/2023): It’s getting there now.)
One bench at a time. It’s definitely a mantra that I can carry on to anything in a metaphoric sense as well. I could even say that there’s proof of that existing prior to this month, and friendships and potential revisits to romance.
(Author note, 12/4/2023) Being reminded of this in the drafts today is great timing. I needed this reminder 🙂
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The Golden Voice
(Follow-up to Bless the Child.)
The memories I’ve built since even starting the blog are amazing ones. Not saying that they were all good, but it’s more comfortable to lock into the good stuff right now.Before I started the entry linked above, I began having a comfort towards voice acting. It’s still great to this day, and I can’t go a day without getting into some form of character. It’s a nice mood booster even if I’m not fighting intrusive thoughts.
In the last few months, I made videos of myself reading a few entries from the blog. The reception was good, but I decided to expand on that idea. A way to tie to what I said to my younger self, how I will still use entertainment to connect with people.
Now here I am, on the verge of opening more of myself up into the world.
How else am I going to walk into areas of comfort and stability that I denied myself out of fear throughout my life? That I denied myself because of fear towards other’s disapproval, that I’ve come to see as their own pain reflected on me?
I don’t have to be on camera for it, either. Not yet, anyway. I feel that test was passed recently. I clearly have the voice to share what I have for this long. In fact, I’ve already recorded a couple of entries. Just comes down to me editing all that I need to.
Naturally I’ll link the page on here once things are ready. And I won’t stop posting here, either. There’s more to my plans than I can say, and a lot more to my future with this than I could even know.
D.F.
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The Mercy List
As I start the countdown to 200, I’ll attempt to do something different this month.
When I first began the blog, there were nine entries that were speaking to myself from eleven years ago to that point. It involved speaking to my past self about different individuals and groups of people in my life. Ones that were very influential in everything that I shared.
Once I got deeper into writing, it still involved those people giving me more to say that was either brand new, or tied to an unlocked memory.
This month, I want to do my best to do nine entries speaking on them again, and what I learned about myself and them when I began this journey.
Fun part is, I still have a lot left to learn. But I’ve said before that there is comfort in acknowledging my role as a lifetime student of mental health. A recent public announcement of my advocacy towards it may have been a game changer for those that heard me say it in person.
May have been a game changer towards me, too.
Even as far as last week, I have been looking at old entries to see how much I’ve changed. Never mind some typos that needed fixing, and some justified repetition of topics, but I have changed for the better since this started.
So, here’s to the last nine sticking with the plan. If I don’t, that’s okay, too. Just means there’s something else worth saying for that time.
D.F.
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The Calling
You may not own your own home yet.
Your car, if you have one, may need more repairs than it’s actual worth.
Finances may be shakey because of a mix of life and lacking discipline.
Friendships and family ties are redefined for better or worse.
Your job (search) is giving you an unbelievable level of anxiety.
And romance, if desired, is either worth the wait, on the rocks, or a “four-letter-word.”
These are just a few things that we can all relate to, in a world where division is desired, and apathy appears more celebrated than compassion.
Yes, these things take time, self-control, trust in pure hearts and boundaries, more time, and a bit of everything mentioned here for all the the above to work out for the best.
None of us are alone on our battles. Even if we feel like it, practice looking in the mirror for a few seconds, and tell yourself “I love you.”
And it’s okay if you can’t right now. Someone will remind you in a way you won’t see coming.
Even if it’s as a small text saying “hi,” a fun video shared, or even a few dollars for comfort food, love is always close by.
The more you remind yourself of that, and allow others to remind you, the better things can become.
It’s worked and working for me, and I know they will for you, too.
D.F.
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The Gambler Returns
How many people do you know that will use money to bribe people into doing things they’re tired of doing for the giver? How long does it take for the giver to get a clue about you’re not for sale, or rent?
Naturally, this has been a recurring event for me. While money is important, it’s not always worth your comfort and time needed to (re)build your life, on or off the clock.
No matter who this person is, or even people that are doing this in your life, it’s your choice. Either take what they give and use it towards your own goals, or use more time to make yourself comfortable over others.
You can even find a steady balance between the two. State your limited availability, and stand firm on it unless it’s an emergency. Not everyone will honor these right away, or at all, but you’ll be better for establishing them.
If nothing else, it’ll be a warm-up for the next time anyone tries the same. Someone that’s easier to distance yourself from, if not cut off completely.
At least then, you can look back and melodramatically say “I’ve been waiting for you!” 😉
D.F.
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The Giving
For those that observe Thanksgiving, how did you do?
Did you center yourself in the mix of any dog whistles and passive aggression?
Did you have any awkward silence with visiting family?
How many personal questions did you graciously dodge?
And if these questions are reminiscent of the barrage of ones received, my apologies.
This time of year brings out the strongest personalities to pick at people they declare weak. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve said that their opinions don’t matter, but there is something I had to remind myself of.
Some people went though something dark, maybe even repetitive. Something to make them think that their loved ones deserve to be talked to like broken toys or obedient pets, in a way they may have before you were even born.
They constantly seek adoration they never had. Power and control they always wanted, but was pushed onto them or stripped from them. If any of that is true, not only is it not their fault, it’s not your fight to take on so they can heal from it all.
You’ve made the steps needed to focus more on your generational strengths more than curses. Steps inspired by events outside holiday gatherings, where the toxic can prey on the healthy. The healthier you look, the harder they’ll try.
Remind yourself in those moments that you become stronger as they push and pull on your weaknesses. If it comes to a point where you reveal that to them, especially in the heat of a moment, I wish safety onto you.
This is a year-round battle we’re fighting here. You’re allowed to declare victory even before you see it yourself.
And you’re allowed to tasted it much sooner than the leftovers that will be breakfast and more for the next few days 😉
D.F.
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Your Name
I spent a long life dealing with people that would call me outside of my name, often based on appearances. Regardless if they knew my name or not, there was always a level of arrogance, disrespect, and overall ignorance about it.
This goes even harder towards the people that I had spoken to about that, yet they remained comfortable with their labels and add-ons.
It was a long time before I adopted the mindset to let them be who they are, while honoring the same thing in me. Often it’s the healthiest way to let people realize why I don’t engage with them as much as they think I should.
I speak that same type of energy towards you.
Whether it’s your birth name, your new one, nicknames you’ve embraced or outgrown, and especially your pronouns, they deserve to be treated with respect.
If someone is identifying you in a way that no longer speaks to who you are, you have your options. Face them with their behaviors and hope for the best, or leave them in favor of yourself.
This is coming from someone that didn’t always honor that in people, even (former) friends, until I realized how much and how long that was hurting me in return.
Doesn’t matter how different the circumstances are. Pain is pain. In this and other cases, I learned how to stop giving it.
Don’t let someone’s harsh ideas of who they think you are stop you from knowing yourself, and who you’re meant to be. You are the one person that matters in that exchange, and most importantly your life.
D.F.
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