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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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The Upside
You’re reading the 186th post in this blog.
I can hear you saying “WHAT!?” Or some variant of that. I sure did when I saw the count.
It doesn’t even matter if it was a short one on a topic or announcing a break of some sorts. What matters is that I took the steps needed to make this what it is. It’s become more than what I imagined it becoming over a year ago.
My past attempts at blogging don’t matter as much as this does. I was lucky to even break double digits back then, grasping for ideas to keep writing in it to feel relevant to someone else besides me.
And I’m a place now where I can say that none of that was a mistake.
Sometimes, the things we made in our past are best seen as bricks that were laid off the blueprint of old intellect. Production can stall, or even be canceled in favor of better foundation. But you never stop building.
I won’t either. See you at 200.
D.F.
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You Are There
Imposter Syndrome, if not recognized as that, can be the end of so many dreams becoming reality.
The National Library of Medicine describes imposter syndrome as “…a behavioral health phenomenon described as self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments among high-achieving individuals.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen into that. Some ways, I still do. It’s not fun to realize you’ve sold yourself short, long after you’ve left a room you were meant to be in because of your skills.
Even when I recognize I’ve done it again, I do my best to give myself the pep talk to celebrate yourself. Let them know that even if I’m a novice in comparison, it’s my uniqueness that will help me stand out more than I did before.
I’ve gotten better at not talking about what I don’t have, and instead celebrate that I’ve been doing something I’m passionate about, while being with others that may appreciate talking with someone fresh in their field.
But it’s also up to me to do what’s necessary to get in those rooms and events. Whether it’s by research or invites, I know what work I’ve put into my favorite things to discuss and focus on.
More people are noticing, and as of writing this line, I love it.
Mel Robbins once said something on the lines of “you only feel imposter syndrome in situations that you care about.” And the places I enjoyed that I talked myself down in, or even out of showing up to, were based on caring what other people thought, or would think of even showing (continued) interest in them.
Not so much, anymore.
But as far as this mental health journey goes, along with other plans to grow in this industry, I can’t act like I’m a novice in it again, or at all.
I will, however, hold the title of an eternal student in everything that interests me. There’s no faking that.
D.F.
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Come Together
A close friend and I talked a while ago about their newest journey into healthier habits in every category possible. But there was something they said that had a huge impact on both of us:
“I wasn’t broken because I was never fully assembled.”
It’s been weeks since hearing that, and it hits deep each time I think of it.
I relate to it for reasons that are explored in this blog’s life. It’s been about me trying to make sense of many things while reconstructing old though patterns. Ones that inspired self-destructive behaviors, some of which I recently corrected (again).
And like I said recently, I have to do my best to not hurt myself over mistakes and miseducated choices, past or present. I’m still learning how to be the person I wanted to be in seasons I rejected it in favor of pleasing other people’s egos.
It’s better to praise the inner reconstruction, than to live in shame of the times you weren’t whole enough believe in your power. That’s going to make a huge difference in where I end up in the future.
I’m already seeing that happening with my friend, just as heavily as they did me when I began this journey.
D.F.
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Remember the Time
Even with everything I’ve shared and grew through in this blog, there are a series of things that once haunted me.
Doesn’t matter how old I was, or what level of intellect I wished I had in questionable and dark choices. I still have reminders of how I shouldn’t hurt myself for being who I was in old seasons of miseducation and ignorance.
We all owe ourselves forgiveness for who we were. The harder you cringe, curl your toes, or even shadowbox at who you were, the better you’ve become at not repeating those actions.
If there were cases where people were affected by our old choices, thoughts of them seeing us as that person may still live within. Sad as it may feel, it’s not our job to convince them that we’ve changed for the better.
As long as we know we have, it’s a way to keep seeing those seasons as lessons and not anchors.
I’ve said the last line many times in this blog, and it’s going to be said again in the future. Mostly because there are still things I’m sure I have yet to see that way. Some finally got that treatment this month, decades after most events.
That’s proof of how important it is to take your time in growing and healing from things you may still fight yourself about. You still have the right to take those stories to the grave, while sharing lessons you’ve learned from those rude days.
Forgiveness is still a key way to share those lessons without the weight of the past halting or stopping your progress.
Your future self will thank you.
D.F.
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Wake, Rattle, & Roll
So the “sunlight before screens” method had immediate results. Productivity was at a new high that I rarely ever experienced, and I was able to take on some things that were looming over me for years.
The first of it involved paper shredding. We’re talking papers that were decades old. Like “primary bank changed multiple names” kind of old. The same for former employment documents and other things that should be digital now.
The closet was the next step. While still picking at things inside it here and there, many things that were no longer needed or even forgot about were either trashed, donated, or other means of disposal. Still have a ways to go.
Another good one is having the drive to write ahead of time again. Since returning from my September break, I was feeling a bit sluggish trying to get something up and ready for the next regular days. It may be a bit before I’m over a month ahead like before, but I’ll get there.
Now I know the sunlight/screen thing isn’t a surefire method of being productive in everyone’s life. Some of you have schedules and obligations that might not even come close to anything I’m doing. But whatever works for us in a healthy way is something to clearly keep going with.
Maintaining it will be the wild part, but the good feelings gained from all the examples I mentioned will make it easier to do.
D.F. -
Always Sunny
Continuing from the last post, I’ve become more proactive in disconnecting from technology when it comes to nightly and morning routines.
This was something I was doing for months now, but more in the “yo-yo diet” style where I’d fall back to old habits pretty fast. It can get annoying, especially if you’ve lied to yourself like I did about being “good” with old habits.
That’s when I ran into Mel Robbins. Through YouTube, not physically. That would be bad.
If you’re not familiar with her, she wears many hats aside from being a motivational speaker and life coach. One of her episodes had a guest that promoted a “sunlight before screens” method for better sleep and productivity.
Before this, I did something close to it, where I would have the phone placed further away from me in the bed. I’d have soft music playing me to sleep, and it worked out for a time.
That lasted longer than expected, mostly because first thing in the morning I’d reach for my phone and risk a lack of production in things outside of it. Now I laugh because Mel herself said to have your phone out the bedroom altogether.
I modified that statement to simply turning the phone off. Not only because it also deserves a break, but it cuts my need for the sleep aid I had been onto for years. A close friend of mine even said to do this once, and I was not in a place to take that to heart like I am now.
So far, I’ve done it on the weekdays. I hate to end this post like clickbait, but the results will surprise you. It surely did surprise me.
To be concluded on Friday. -
Unplugged
If you’re not careful, social media will have you chasing attention from the wrong energies. That’s true offline as well, but the internet can really have its way with disguising an audience’s true selves.
I think about that every time I’ve posted something on multiple platforms.
Well I try to.
Sometimes I get that inner joyful ping when someone I admire reacts to something I shared directly or to the masses. It’s fun and surprising who’s paying attention.
I have to pace myself and not give into the hunger for viewership. I’ve seen too many people make posts about breaks they need from social media alone, often because the offline world is screaming to come back to them, or regain a balance.
Somewhere in the years of doing what I’ve done online, I know I’ve done the same types of posts. You can only take so much of the alphanumeric magnetism before tapping out.
Just because something has become woven into our daily lives doesn’t mean it has to risk emotional fatigue. There are enough human factors that can do that on their own. Last thing we need is to become bound to the ever-changing algorithms that refuses to pick its programmer’s side.
I’m not saying give up all your accounts and tech. I’m the last person that should be saying that. But when you start feeling that pull to check that next post, or check if one of your many crushes uploaded something new, do what you can to fall back and put that energy back into yourself.
All of that can wait until you’ve recharged first. I’ll get into more of how I’ve been doing that in the next entry.
D.F. -
Breathe
(Note: This was originally written in August 2023. Enough of it is still relevant. Enough to even keep its original title.)
Even with everything that I have shared and have been able to process since this started, I’m still learning how to protect myself from emotional attacks based off past events. It’s hard to do when you share any space with people that can do that at any time they please.
Regardless if anyone is in the room with you or not, they may have mastered the ability to dig at you subtly or with enough strength to keep making your business theirs, and their ego priority.
They may want you too exhausted to fight, or to get the last word in. But that’s where they’re wrong. No matter how well they can get either one, it shouldn’t change your mind about who they are and what needs to be said about them.
What they do with that information, and what my sources will do about mine, will have to be left up to chance. And I know that time is coming soon.
I might even be the reason behind letting it leak. I’ll be sure to let it be known what the results are. Long time followers deserve that much, just as much as the new ones.
Until then, I just have to remember to breathe to regulate everything and anything that comes to mind that sets those moments off inside me. It’s saved me so far, but I can’t say for how long.
Then again, I didn’t get this far by doubting my ability to push through it. There was a time that I doubted this blog would go past a month, or a week at least. It’s served as a reminder to keep going, fighting, and breathing.
Many will support me, but no one can do it for me. That’s what I have to make sure I keep stepping forward. So much, that the last steps out of certain houses will stay that way for good.
D.F.
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Visionaries
Many of us look a way that fits someone’s broad or narrow scope of a particular area. You could be minding your business in public until you’re asked if you have history in something based on your appearance.
If you do, it’s up to you whether you want to reveal that or not. If you don’t have history with the place in question, you’re also allowed to roll your eyes from being stereotyped for the millionth time.
When you don’t fit someone’s idea of a demographic that you’re uncomfortable with, they can either quietly accept your claim, or try to insult you for not following their script.
“Big for nothing,” “wasted talent,” “but you’re so (insert physical trait),” or “you’re missing out.” These are just a handful ones I know of. And to some agree I’ve been told.
Anyone bold or miseducated enough to tell you things like this are part of a system you were meant to be against, either on a small or large scale. It doesn’t matter if they are a stranger or even someone close. You know who you are and what you want to be for yourself, and for anyone else willing to listen and follow you.
If they want you to be shamed for not sitting with the “cool kids,” let them live the life a dissatisfied critic towards other people’s goals.
Sometimes these are people who gave up on their own, and felt it was easier to drag others down with them. Especially if you’ve chosen to not have people live vicariously through you in places you don’t want to be in, and not meant to be in.
Stick to your inner vision. Surround yourself with people that support it. Anyone that’s the opposite of that can keep up or keep away. It’s your life to life, not theirs to control.
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Outlast
I’ve been doing a lot of research about what it means to be a scapegoat. I’ve know of the term for ages, but it means more when I finally applied it to myself.
For those new to the term, it’s sometimes labeled as the “black sheep (of the family),” often the whistleblower that calls out negative behaviors, either towards an individual or towards a group or more.
The scapegoat can even be the trauma and insecurity dump, often by people that, as I’ve talked about many times and in different ways before, refuse to be held accountable by their faults. It’s easier to bring your own troubles up to boost their twisted ego(s).
While it’s VERY easy to tag that on family structures, social ones count as well. At least they’re easier to remove from your life, if not greatly limit their exposure to you.
So what do you do with this knowledge? Well one thing is to not let it define who you know you’re not. These labels only signify what you are to others that will find new ways to devalue you, hoping that you buy into the lie that you’re less than your heightened self-worth.
You keep doing what is best for you in your time. Reading, writing, teaching your way out from the system that needs you near them. The more they try to pull or keep you in, the more damaged they’ll feel without you.
Not your problem.
Even if they still treat you like the black sheep when you’ve gained that distance, let them. There’s no changing someone’s mind about you when they’ve set it to believe that your tainted role in life is finalized.
You’re better than their emotional jabs. Their fake tears. Their demands to be the old you.
If you’re careful, by the time they learn who you’ve become, it’ll be too late for them to try any of that.
And even in your carefulness, take breaks, but never stop.
D.F.
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