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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Risk
On my last post, I said that I could have been in any location aside from my current one without the knowledge I gained by being where I am now.
What I didn’t get into is how so much of my locations of interest were based on past romantic ties.
It didn’t matter if we were in a relationship or feeling like one was possible, I always felt the need to be closer to the person of interest. Yes there were ones that lived close that could have been a romantic link, but whether near or far, there’s been silent or vocal agreements that friendship/acquaintanceship was for the best.
Except for one. A person that I share current mutual love for, while still abiding by the social labels of being “single.” Even with that, living closer is a feat that would guarantee us becoming “official,” but much growth has always been needed as individuals before knowing if even that is meant to be.
And that’s what was missing from past interests; me not knowing what I wanted in and for myself, and instead driving towards what I felt was needed for us to thrive. I made choices like that in my last official relationship, and off of that alone I eventually learned to be better.
Besides, having a relationship with yourself is what’s needed for any kind of partnership to thrive. You may not need to feel complete, and you may be chosen while you’re restructuring yourself. But you can still know enough to know what is best for you, and the both of you.
Even if what’s best means not being together as more than friends, or even as that.
Wherever my next destination is, it will be in a conscious mind that’s not based on trauma bonded actions like they used to be. And if my person and I are meant to be together in shorter traveling distance, surely there will be celebration.
Nothing would mean more than to celebrate choosing myself first, and let life do what it does best: keep on surprising me the way my person did 🙂
D.F.
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Stay Home
(Edited 10/26/2023)
For a long time I have been hearing and being told to appreciate what I have now against being frustrated over what I don’t have yet.
Maybe there is angst about that because there’s always been sense of selfishness and control that’s desired from people that want me around for their needs. The same people that are quick to remind me of them after I tell them what I want for myself.
That’s what makes it hard to look at any spin on the “be grateful for what you have” line. I could easily tell myself that the benefit of being here has been to be fueled by inconsistency, trauma, and many secrets to finally speak about it in a style that would be common in this MH space, but unprecedented within many of my family ties.
And for the many reasons I am grateful that I’m not in another space to call my own that’s removed from these environments, sometimes I have wondered if I would have been in a space to have written any of what I had?
I don’t think so.
I would have been in any given location* operating under even remnants of the systems that I grew up with, and believed I was fond of. I would have done more harm to myself than good if I stayed in that place while maintaining a new one.
So without being where I am now physically, the one thing that I can remain grateful for is the chance to fulfill this mission that I may as well have been built for, or even called to begin. I want to believe that others throughout personal generations started it in their own ways.
Who would I be if I wasn’t accepting the call to continue what they began?
D.F.
*This will branch to another topic this Friday.
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Quick Words
If you want to show true love for someone, believe in the changes they want and need for themselves. Not in the changes and beliefs that benefit you.
It figures that after writing so much about this even last week or more, I would find a way to short-hand it 😌
Pardon the shortness of today’s post. I’ll be back to form later this week.
D.F
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Time Crisis
No matter what age you are, society will always have something telling you that it’s too late to get a certain thing started. School, better spending and eating habits, romance, so many other things.
Then you have the stories of people getting those degrees in the forties, starting a world famous podcast in their fifties, writing that book in their 60s, and so on.
Some of those stories are circumstantial as to why it happened that way, one common theme I’ve always seen is that some people paused or stopped chasing their dreams because they got in their own way.
Doing that can often be in the form of voices of doubters and critics who catch wind of so much as what you want to do for yourself, and even for others outside of them. It’s not far off from the type of people I discussed in my last entry.
Whether it’s because of distance by logistics, or the more grim reason of mortality, we owe it to ourselves to not let those stinging words do that much longer. It takes time to reprogram yourself from those habits, and when you do, it’s okay to grieve the time lost giving into them.
But however you can, let whatever energy remains get you ready to make up for that lost time.
Don’t rush it. Don’t Force it. The people truly on your side won’t do either of those on you.
Reclaim your time. Your future self will thank you.
D.F.
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Safeguard
Taking “no” for an answer is something I’ve become more passionate about since the last time I ever wrote about it. It’ll take time to find it, but once I do I’ll hyperlink it right here.
To not take someone’s “no” and risk guilting, bullying, or threatening them into a “yes” shows a great amount of disrespect towards you. Being questioned until their desired answer is gained is just as bad or worse.
If you’re like me, who ends up doing a thing and only then be told “I love you” afterwards, your definition of love is heavily redefined. One that does not mimic their habits onto others we would genuinely care for.
Also one that doesn’t respect their beliefs, if not them as a whole. No matter who they are.
These people also have a habit of getting revenge on you for defying their cries. Either directly, or with help from their loyalists. People who may even have their own reasons to be reluctant allies. That’s not your fight, though.
Stand your ground against all of them. Continue the cutoffs however you can. By all means, do not give into the words from others that openly take their side. They see you just as disrespectfully as the people they support always do.
Your respect for yourself matters more than any way they view you. Whether it’s felt in silence, distance, or both, never stop choosing yourself over anyone.
D.F.
Image Source: https://www.littleshaman.org/cbc15 -
Remember Me
The thing about having friends for a very long time is that you get to see each other in different phases.
There are those that grow together through life events, and those that grow apart, sometimes for the same reasons. And with both sides, they the chances that either completely sever ties, or downgrade the friendships to being acquaintances. That way there’s less expectations on how you show up for each other.
I have noticed these things even before starting my mental health journey. While never putting it into words, it was always there. One that I know was due to social and political differences that bled into personal matters. Another had to stay gone because they were just a shifty person.
And as I have started this personal inner growth journey, the ones that have quietly downgraded to an acquaintance surely have seen me doing this with no chance of stopping. Often in the form of photos and videos, often ones I make, that are tied to these topics.
Some of them I know are going through it themselves, making similar discoveries as I have about the inspirations of their old behaviors, and that’s great. At times a few of us have actually had conversations about our discoveries, often finding deep parallels.
That’s why I find myself continuing the journey. Some of us may have limited access to people that they can talk to outside of professionals, through shared experiences or what reminds them how they’ve never been alone. How I’ve never been alone either.
Even if we’ve grown apart or become closer throughout this time, I do my best to let them know that they are not only important to themselves, onut they’re important to me, too.
No matter how little or frequent our interactions are, know that I am rooting for any form of healing you’re going through. Don’t forget to cheer for yourself, above anyone else.
D.F
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We Happy Few
As a lifetime student of love, I’ve been open to leaning and relearning what it means to share that with someone who is doing the same. Someone who, like me, never got to experience talking about what the other did to hurt them, and end in clarity that makes the mutual love even stronger.
Something happened one night with me and my person that had me in an overreactive state of pain. The kind that I eventually got to rationalize a few things to help calm me down, but the anger was still there.
It was days before I expressed my issues to them, and I feared that there would be a reaction similar to other times I spoke my peace on other’s hurtful actions. That I’d be met with deflection, disrespect, and dismissal.
It had happened with (extended) family, friends, and ex-lovers. Part of me felt that my partner, this personified new definition of love, would act the same way.
I was sadly ready for war because of my past of earning nothing but that.
Funny thing about loving someone in a new light that’s different, even brighter than how you used to define it, is that they know how to prove you wrong not by saying “you’re wrong.” They do it by how they act.
They acted with compassion, understanding, while reminding me of things that I even thought about before our talk, yet still felt the need to say something just to get it out of me.
Looking back, I’m glad it was in me. Without it, I’d have lost the chance to know that the hard talks can happen. Primarily with loved ones who have done the work, and are doing it for themselves at the same time that I am.
However long we last as how we are, I’ll remember that night as yet another time where love in any form will surprise me in great ways. It all comes down to who holds that upgraded sense of it, and ready to work through the hard talks as a team, as friends, and as more.
It’s the safe love I’ve always wanted. Through a small few, I always had it. I will maintain it, by any means.
D.F.
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Flashback
One thing I never fully talked about is how in my healing journey, sometimes my mind takes me back to old places where I wasn’t as protective of myself as I wished I was. It ties to many statements about forgiving yourself for who you were in those seasons.
I do in most. Others, not well enough.
But my mind takes it further.
“What if you were taken back to that time? How would your present self handle the old events?”
Some I would do my best to bite my tongue like I did the first time. Others I would speak up sooner. Or the times I did speak, replace the words that would be based on prior experience of that moment.
The results would be different. New lessons could erase the memories the ones I gained naturally. I could risk being a different person than before. Overall, this is simply the imagination running wild, seeking entertainment from the lessons.
Or maybe there’s more to learn from those unexpected deep dives. Which I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.
At least this time, I’m better equipped to not run from them like I used to.
D.F.
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Devotion
It’s an amazing time when you learn how much of a positive impact you’ve had on someone months, even years ago.
For me, it’s been great to continue getting these statements at random. My favorite one still has to be a friend who I reunited with last year, and claimed the “cloud” hanging over me when we last met in 2016 was no longer there.
More recently, and somewhat humorously, another friend revealed that if circumstances were different for themselves when we first met years ago, they may have attempted to have me as a partner. For many reasons back then, I’d have humbly declined, but still flattered.
What these moments remind me of is how well others see us is in a brighter light than we see ourselves. I remember how much I would even fish for compliments and praises, causing small bursts of joy that are more often replaced with my own confidence boosts.
Not saying I don’t appreciate them outside of me, I’m just not as reliant on them as I used to be. Sometimes it wants to resurface, but its stay is brief. Almost like a cameo appearance, without the joyful appeal.
It takes time to learn how to praise your own growth and believe in it. It’s also important to not sit in celebration so long, the one-person party blinds your progress towards what’s next for you.
Regardless of where that praise of progress comes from, treat them like checkpoints. There’s more worth cheering for as you move forward in what you wanted.
D.F.
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I Love You to “De@th”
Romantic love is a wonderful thing when fueled by communication and safety that you never experienced before.
That experience can be inspired by the emotional distance you’ve made from old beliefs of what you though love was. That’s often based on what you were raised to believe it is for other’s benefits against your own.
Your newer, healthier perspective of love is unshakable. Even in the times where it’s threatened by past heartbreaks, you believe in better outcomes. And when those great moments show up between you and your partner, the bond is tightened even further.
While all this can be true in other areas of love, the level of vulnerability is very different from platonic and familial ties.
A close friend even once told me in this topic, “It takes a lot to be ‘naked’ with someone.” I believe that a lot, because being fully clothed while still bearing your soul hits deeper than any trusted physical touch.
When/if physical touch is a thing between you two (or more, in other cases), knowing that you can share those thoughts and spirit can make that touch feel even better.
I say all of this and can still claim that I am not an expert in love. I will always cherish the fact that I made it this far in life to continue being a student. One who is clearly not shy about sharing notes in front of the teacher that is Life.
D.F.
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