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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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We Happy Few
As a lifetime student of love, I’ve been open to leaning and relearning what it means to share that with someone who is doing the same. Someone who, like me, never got to experience talking about what the other did to hurt them, and end in clarity that makes the mutual love even stronger.
Something happened one night with me and my person that had me in an overreactive state of pain. The kind that I eventually got to rationalize a few things to help calm me down, but the anger was still there.
It was days before I expressed my issues to them, and I feared that there would be a reaction similar to other times I spoke my peace on other’s hurtful actions. That I’d be met with deflection, disrespect, and dismissal.
It had happened with (extended) family, friends, and ex-lovers. Part of me felt that my partner, this personified new definition of love, would act the same way.
I was sadly ready for war because of my past of earning nothing but that.
Funny thing about loving someone in a new light that’s different, even brighter than how you used to define it, is that they know how to prove you wrong not by saying “you’re wrong.” They do it by how they act.
They acted with compassion, understanding, while reminding me of things that I even thought about before our talk, yet still felt the need to say something just to get it out of me.
Looking back, I’m glad it was in me. Without it, I’d have lost the chance to know that the hard talks can happen. Primarily with loved ones who have done the work, and are doing it for themselves at the same time that I am.
However long we last as how we are, I’ll remember that night as yet another time where love in any form will surprise me in great ways. It all comes down to who holds that upgraded sense of it, and ready to work through the hard talks as a team, as friends, and as more.
It’s the safe love I’ve always wanted. Through a small few, I always had it. I will maintain it, by any means.
D.F.
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Flashback
One thing I never fully talked about is how in my healing journey, sometimes my mind takes me back to old places where I wasn’t as protective of myself as I wished I was. It ties to many statements about forgiving yourself for who you were in those seasons.
I do in most. Others, not well enough.
But my mind takes it further.
“What if you were taken back to that time? How would your present self handle the old events?”
Some I would do my best to bite my tongue like I did the first time. Others I would speak up sooner. Or the times I did speak, replace the words that would be based on prior experience of that moment.
The results would be different. New lessons could erase the memories the ones I gained naturally. I could risk being a different person than before. Overall, this is simply the imagination running wild, seeking entertainment from the lessons.
Or maybe there’s more to learn from those unexpected deep dives. Which I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.
At least this time, I’m better equipped to not run from them like I used to.
D.F.
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Devotion
It’s an amazing time when you learn how much of a positive impact you’ve had on someone months, even years ago.
For me, it’s been great to continue getting these statements at random. My favorite one still has to be a friend who I reunited with last year, and claimed the “cloud” hanging over me when we last met in 2016 was no longer there.
More recently, and somewhat humorously, another friend revealed that if circumstances were different for themselves when we first met years ago, they may have attempted to have me as a partner. For many reasons back then, I’d have humbly declined, but still flattered.
What these moments remind me of is how well others see us is in a brighter light than we see ourselves. I remember how much I would even fish for compliments and praises, causing small bursts of joy that are more often replaced with my own confidence boosts.
Not saying I don’t appreciate them outside of me, I’m just not as reliant on them as I used to be. Sometimes it wants to resurface, but its stay is brief. Almost like a cameo appearance, without the joyful appeal.
It takes time to learn how to praise your own growth and believe in it. It’s also important to not sit in celebration so long, the one-person party blinds your progress towards what’s next for you.
Regardless of where that praise of progress comes from, treat them like checkpoints. There’s more worth cheering for as you move forward in what you wanted.
D.F.
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I Love You to “De@th”
Romantic love is a wonderful thing when fueled by communication and safety that you never experienced before.
That experience can be inspired by the emotional distance you’ve made from old beliefs of what you though love was. That’s often based on what you were raised to believe it is for other’s benefits against your own.
Your newer, healthier perspective of love is unshakable. Even in the times where it’s threatened by past heartbreaks, you believe in better outcomes. And when those great moments show up between you and your partner, the bond is tightened even further.
While all this can be true in other areas of love, the level of vulnerability is very different from platonic and familial ties.
A close friend even once told me in this topic, “It takes a lot to be ‘naked’ with someone.” I believe that a lot, because being fully clothed while still bearing your soul hits deeper than any trusted physical touch.
When/if physical touch is a thing between you two (or more, in other cases), knowing that you can share those thoughts and spirit can make that touch feel even better.
I say all of this and can still claim that I am not an expert in love. I will always cherish the fact that I made it this far in life to continue being a student. One who is clearly not shy about sharing notes in front of the teacher that is Life.
D.F.
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Control
This is inspired by some recent advice I got about an active event. Same could be said about most of my past posts, and even this one could be more of a remix to past ones. Which is okay, because it’s clearly still a thing.
There will be a point when people that you’ve removed from any type of connection will try and re-establish something with you. That FOMO feeling coupled with the hopes that you forgive and have forgotten why the cut off or restrictions happened in the first place.
There may be some cases where you will and are able to hold the line. I love those.Other times, you may have to make the reconnection exist, if only to stop it from causing more drama than what started the previous cut. Especially if you’ve chosen to be cordial in person, but never as close as you used to be.
If at all.
It’s not like they would do anything stupid again to earn your wrath for the last time, right?Well, if they surprised you with their frequent disrespect before, and you both know that they did it, you may as well be ready for it, as they should be ready for more of your undeniable receipts.
Whichever side you lean to, don’t lose sight on the things that you have grown towards, and who you have grown with in their absence.The others may express some jealousy coupled with guilt tripping, but they got what they earned.
But it’s nothing compared to what you earned without them.D.F.
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I Am Alive
(Title theme of the month: Games/freestyle)
I’ve been doing a lot more inner work and thinking in the last few weeks from my break from here.
I thought a lot about revealing my page to a larger audience through my social media account(s), at the risk of it getting back to people close to me that won’t like what they see. Not just because most of it reflects on them.
I took time to dig deeper into moments that I mentally ran away from. Times that I never fully or partially thought of during my times writing this blog. Ones that I wonder if it’s too late to apologize for old habits. Or even current ones I didn’t mean to repeat.
I made sure that the new set of entries try not to repeat what’s been said before, unless it’s for the sake of offering new perspectives on revisited topics. Especially in the realm of narcissism, toxicity, and DV.
I can’t promise that, but I do promise to check myself as best as I can on it, and more. Just like how I had to check myself on writing something just to meet some self-made quota to kick off my return. Something like that doesn’t deserve to be rushed or forced, the latter even more.
The first post back had to be as honest and revealing as I eased myself into being for over a year. It’s been one of the best commitments that I’ve made with myself in a long time. Not as much as ones involving the choice of not “skipping to the end.”
There is a purpose in returning to share my thoughts this way. I don’t have to see it right away to not believe in its arrival. Even with ways that I do plan to make soft reveals of this blog connected to my other “lives,” I’ve done enough to let people know that there’s more to me than being entertaining and geeky.
And I had to remind myself, as my therapist also reminded me, that this began as a means to help myself most of all. The longer its lasted, the more I’ve seen it become a blessing for me and others, either in text, or in person.
Wherever life goes from here on in this continued journey, I’ll never forget how it started, just as much as those will remember who I became because I did.
D.F.
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“In case you missed it…”
It’s been a long couple of weeks since posting. Long enough that my first post back was accidentally posted tonight, not next week as originally planned.
Oops, haha.I fixed it now.
But let’s consider this proof of life. I’ll make my slow return to form starting next week, maybe with some changes in upload dates to make things easier on me. I’ll announce that once I know for sure.
Until then, I hope you’ve all been well. For the most part, I have been, too. 🙂
D.F.
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“Rest Mode”
To say that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking should go without saying when it comes to this blog. But the one thing I’ve been thinking about through August is that there’s a whole lot more that I need to do with this for better accessibility throughout the entire run of this page.
Not just that, but I know my work is far from done here, and it deserves to go beyond this page. There is at least one attempt at it through the power of IG, but I’m thinking of going even further than that.
In order to gather my thoughts about all of that, I will be taking an extended break from posting. It might be a month, certainly could be less than that because there’s plenty more to write on. But if I’ve proven anything to myself, it’s that there is a new life, even career to build off of everything I have shared and yet to share. Most of all, how I’ve shared it.
This will also give me some time to be more active on the IG page under the same name. Spending the time I have with that became more limited because of work, which I wouldn’t trade for anything. But on this end, there is enough content to dive back to that deserves exposure on there as well.
So, as some of the much older folk would say, “if the Lord see fit,” I’ll be back sooner than you think. Or even sooner than I think, because that’s happened enough times 😅
Until then, do all that you can to remain helping with yourselves on all levels. You’re needed here.
D.F.
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Something Like That
Recently, I came up with a sentence that could be an oversimplification of describing a narcissist:
“Always the cop, never the suspect.”
Speaking mostly from experience, they’ve always been the ones to question you about the smallest things, often leading to them demanding your attention.
They value control, and love having authority over the presumably “weak.”
But the moment they’re under the lamp, when you have a question or make a judging statement, they turn it on you so you’re too blind to continue. They’re masters at it, even when the evidence against them is undeniable.
And whether it’s by law, public views, or both, they’re always ready to fight back. Deflection is the body armor, denial is the sidearm, and projection is a full clip.
Guilt tripping can be the night stick, but some would rather shoot first.
D.F
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It’s All Good
Reunions with old friends can be tricky. Depending on how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other in person, mixed with any level of usage with social media, surprises are inevitable.
If you’ve recognized that you were once in a place where inner work wasn’t done, and that you’ve since committed to doing it, people will feel it from you and choose whether you’re a teacher, an ally, or a threat.
The longer and/or more intimately someone’s known you, the better their chances of feeling that. It’s better than you making some vain effort to shout “I’M HEALING!” Your character will say that louder than your lungs.
And if the absence in-between you and them is due to things that could have been managed around life in general ([post-]pandemic considered), ask yourself if the reunion provided grounds for the link(s) to revive, or stay as they are.
That can be as simple as to come when asked for if you can/want to, while not calling them when you think their company is needed for the things you built without them. They were building in your absence as well. Working towards destined paths can be like that.
Honor the new life and character that you’ve made for yourself before, during, and after any reunion. The ones meant to be there as it continues to grow won’t fight themselves to cheer you on. They’ll show up as naturally as you’ve begun, and continue to show up for yourself.
D.F
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