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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Control
This is inspired by some recent advice I got about an active event. Same could be said about most of my past posts, and even this one could be more of a remix to past ones. Which is okay, because it’s clearly still a thing.
There will be a point when people that you’ve removed from any type of connection will try and re-establish something with you. That FOMO feeling coupled with the hopes that you forgive and have forgotten why the cut off or restrictions happened in the first place.
There may be some cases where you will and are able to hold the line. I love those.Other times, you may have to make the reconnection exist, if only to stop it from causing more drama than what started the previous cut. Especially if you’ve chosen to be cordial in person, but never as close as you used to be.
If at all.
It’s not like they would do anything stupid again to earn your wrath for the last time, right?Well, if they surprised you with their frequent disrespect before, and you both know that they did it, you may as well be ready for it, as they should be ready for more of your undeniable receipts.
Whichever side you lean to, don’t lose sight on the things that you have grown towards, and who you have grown with in their absence.The others may express some jealousy coupled with guilt tripping, but they got what they earned.
But it’s nothing compared to what you earned without them.D.F.
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I Am Alive
(Title theme of the month: Games/freestyle)
I’ve been doing a lot more inner work and thinking in the last few weeks from my break from here.
I thought a lot about revealing my page to a larger audience through my social media account(s), at the risk of it getting back to people close to me that won’t like what they see. Not just because most of it reflects on them.
I took time to dig deeper into moments that I mentally ran away from. Times that I never fully or partially thought of during my times writing this blog. Ones that I wonder if it’s too late to apologize for old habits. Or even current ones I didn’t mean to repeat.
I made sure that the new set of entries try not to repeat what’s been said before, unless it’s for the sake of offering new perspectives on revisited topics. Especially in the realm of narcissism, toxicity, and DV.
I can’t promise that, but I do promise to check myself as best as I can on it, and more. Just like how I had to check myself on writing something just to meet some self-made quota to kick off my return. Something like that doesn’t deserve to be rushed or forced, the latter even more.
The first post back had to be as honest and revealing as I eased myself into being for over a year. It’s been one of the best commitments that I’ve made with myself in a long time. Not as much as ones involving the choice of not “skipping to the end.”
There is a purpose in returning to share my thoughts this way. I don’t have to see it right away to not believe in its arrival. Even with ways that I do plan to make soft reveals of this blog connected to my other “lives,” I’ve done enough to let people know that there’s more to me than being entertaining and geeky.
And I had to remind myself, as my therapist also reminded me, that this began as a means to help myself most of all. The longer its lasted, the more I’ve seen it become a blessing for me and others, either in text, or in person.
Wherever life goes from here on in this continued journey, I’ll never forget how it started, just as much as those will remember who I became because I did.
D.F.
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“In case you missed it…”
It’s been a long couple of weeks since posting. Long enough that my first post back was accidentally posted tonight, not next week as originally planned.
Oops, haha.I fixed it now.
But let’s consider this proof of life. I’ll make my slow return to form starting next week, maybe with some changes in upload dates to make things easier on me. I’ll announce that once I know for sure.
Until then, I hope you’ve all been well. For the most part, I have been, too. 🙂
D.F.
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“Rest Mode”
To say that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking should go without saying when it comes to this blog. But the one thing I’ve been thinking about through August is that there’s a whole lot more that I need to do with this for better accessibility throughout the entire run of this page.
Not just that, but I know my work is far from done here, and it deserves to go beyond this page. There is at least one attempt at it through the power of IG, but I’m thinking of going even further than that.
In order to gather my thoughts about all of that, I will be taking an extended break from posting. It might be a month, certainly could be less than that because there’s plenty more to write on. But if I’ve proven anything to myself, it’s that there is a new life, even career to build off of everything I have shared and yet to share. Most of all, how I’ve shared it.
This will also give me some time to be more active on the IG page under the same name. Spending the time I have with that became more limited because of work, which I wouldn’t trade for anything. But on this end, there is enough content to dive back to that deserves exposure on there as well.
So, as some of the much older folk would say, “if the Lord see fit,” I’ll be back sooner than you think. Or even sooner than I think, because that’s happened enough times 😅
Until then, do all that you can to remain helping with yourselves on all levels. You’re needed here.
D.F.
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Something Like That
Recently, I came up with a sentence that could be an oversimplification of describing a narcissist:
“Always the cop, never the suspect.”
Speaking mostly from experience, they’ve always been the ones to question you about the smallest things, often leading to them demanding your attention.
They value control, and love having authority over the presumably “weak.”
But the moment they’re under the lamp, when you have a question or make a judging statement, they turn it on you so you’re too blind to continue. They’re masters at it, even when the evidence against them is undeniable.
And whether it’s by law, public views, or both, they’re always ready to fight back. Deflection is the body armor, denial is the sidearm, and projection is a full clip.
Guilt tripping can be the night stick, but some would rather shoot first.
D.F
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It’s All Good
Reunions with old friends can be tricky. Depending on how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other in person, mixed with any level of usage with social media, surprises are inevitable.
If you’ve recognized that you were once in a place where inner work wasn’t done, and that you’ve since committed to doing it, people will feel it from you and choose whether you’re a teacher, an ally, or a threat.
The longer and/or more intimately someone’s known you, the better their chances of feeling that. It’s better than you making some vain effort to shout “I’M HEALING!” Your character will say that louder than your lungs.
And if the absence in-between you and them is due to things that could have been managed around life in general ([post-]pandemic considered), ask yourself if the reunion provided grounds for the link(s) to revive, or stay as they are.
That can be as simple as to come when asked for if you can/want to, while not calling them when you think their company is needed for the things you built without them. They were building in your absence as well. Working towards destined paths can be like that.
Honor the new life and character that you’ve made for yourself before, during, and after any reunion. The ones meant to be there as it continues to grow won’t fight themselves to cheer you on. They’ll show up as naturally as you’ve begun, and continue to show up for yourself.
D.F
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New Day (Final)
For the first time in over 5 years, I finally feel free of that line of thinking. Freer, anyway. Like cutting a tether to emotions that I outgrew, but a few strands remained.
Maybe because I wanted them to. Because I thought that was the way to emotionally win a battle that I already have victory from. That was the wrong way, and deep inside I knew that.
All that was needed was a key action towards it.
As for how I managed to not fulfill the water works plan, I told myself that I had grown so much since that time, that I was able to take that younger self into my arms, and tell him that you made it. You survived. That you will survive what is next, including the things that are of now to us of this year, and even this month.
Perhaps there will be other events I can do this with from the past, but this one may be the most impactful. Maybe because without it, I would not have gone on to the mental health journey that would inspire this very blog, and other related things outside of it.
And if I did not know things would be better for me because of it back then, I would have now.
D.F.
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New Day (Part 2 of 3)
Now I could do this about a lot of events, but this one in particular was one that I never truly sat down to really feel through. I had thought about doing it, stopping myself thinking that I would be a teary mess if I thought too deeply about the event.
But I didn’t. Tears were shed, but not the flood I imagined or thought I needed. That’s more than what I allowed myself back when the event was fresh.
I get it. I was in survival mode. From work, certain coworkers, (former) friends, and especially family. I still had to regulate my feelings about all of that while still in my feelings over the event.
Even with the laughter and tears about other matters, this one thing was always haunting me. Because I allowed it. I grew comfortable with it. Just like I did the many forms of abuse that I encountered up to that point.
That night, while doing some yoga and meditation, something came over me to finally embrace my younger self from that time. The part of me that inspired the once-infinite rumination of what it would be like to reunite with the person this event is tied to.
Would it have been a mature and offered a new sense of closure, or would old parts resurface and turn the conversation south?
To be concluded…
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New Day (Part 1 of 3)
There are many of us that go through life with so many unreleased feelings of grief, that we don’t know how to properly address it. It risks coming out in hostile forms that could be harmful to the self and others. Too often, it’s people close to you.
And even when you live your life beyond the grief, when you have formed better relationships of all kinds as a result of that traumatic event, the pain behind it is still there.
Cutting right to it, maybe it’s because a part of you may be scared of diving back into that old place of pain. That you didn’t have, or give yourself the opportunity to finally sit, or even cry about it.
That’s what happened to me on the 9th.
To be continued…
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Miracle
The first week of August had some serious revelations come to me about something I had known, but never fully processed until I was forced to. All thanks to a possible misunderstanding on my end regarding money, a topic that will always spark the worst in certain people.
I’ll spare the details, but it was a situation that I can claim responsibility for. What still upsets me the most about it is that this is another reminder of one-sided accountability. The type that will and could eat me alive if I let it.
A few things did come to mind to help ease those thoughts and others linked to it. Like scapegoating, being the insecurity/trauma dump, and more.
First is that these people will never change. No matter who they hurt, and how close those hurt people are, their comfort lies in seeing success in who they chose to be. Expecting change even on a minimal level is best left towards what we’re doing for ourselves.
Second is that trying to understand why they are like this is still not out business. Even if there are clues and stories tied to the answers, our fight to not repeat their mistakes and our own, and that means more than they’ll ever understand.The biggest one is something that I’ll first say that this can apply to anyone regardless of your religious beliefs, if any.
Rev. T.D. Jakes put it best that “the greater the attack, the greater the blessing.” That hit well for the disclosed moment, the feelings that it stirred, and will continue to hit deeper as I look back at other times this could apply.
I’ll always praise the people that are physically far, yet emotionally closer than too many people because of that last point alone. It’s exhausting, sad, yet promotes a form of compassion that can only come from believing I deserve better, and can give better than what I have before.
And I’ll do everything I can to celebrate that openly, while motivating others to find that in themselves. Anything but dwelling in the misery the others often project.
D.F.
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