-
The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
-
New Day (Final)
For the first time in over 5 years, I finally feel free of that line of thinking. Freer, anyway. Like cutting a tether to emotions that I outgrew, but a few strands remained.
Maybe because I wanted them to. Because I thought that was the way to emotionally win a battle that I already have victory from. That was the wrong way, and deep inside I knew that.
All that was needed was a key action towards it.
As for how I managed to not fulfill the water works plan, I told myself that I had grown so much since that time, that I was able to take that younger self into my arms, and tell him that you made it. You survived. That you will survive what is next, including the things that are of now to us of this year, and even this month.
Perhaps there will be other events I can do this with from the past, but this one may be the most impactful. Maybe because without it, I would not have gone on to the mental health journey that would inspire this very blog, and other related things outside of it.
And if I did not know things would be better for me because of it back then, I would have now.
D.F.
-
New Day (Part 2 of 3)
Now I could do this about a lot of events, but this one in particular was one that I never truly sat down to really feel through. I had thought about doing it, stopping myself thinking that I would be a teary mess if I thought too deeply about the event.
But I didn’t. Tears were shed, but not the flood I imagined or thought I needed. That’s more than what I allowed myself back when the event was fresh.
I get it. I was in survival mode. From work, certain coworkers, (former) friends, and especially family. I still had to regulate my feelings about all of that while still in my feelings over the event.
Even with the laughter and tears about other matters, this one thing was always haunting me. Because I allowed it. I grew comfortable with it. Just like I did the many forms of abuse that I encountered up to that point.
That night, while doing some yoga and meditation, something came over me to finally embrace my younger self from that time. The part of me that inspired the once-infinite rumination of what it would be like to reunite with the person this event is tied to.
Would it have been a mature and offered a new sense of closure, or would old parts resurface and turn the conversation south?
To be concluded…
-
New Day (Part 1 of 3)
There are many of us that go through life with so many unreleased feelings of grief, that we don’t know how to properly address it. It risks coming out in hostile forms that could be harmful to the self and others. Too often, it’s people close to you.
And even when you live your life beyond the grief, when you have formed better relationships of all kinds as a result of that traumatic event, the pain behind it is still there.
Cutting right to it, maybe it’s because a part of you may be scared of diving back into that old place of pain. That you didn’t have, or give yourself the opportunity to finally sit, or even cry about it.
That’s what happened to me on the 9th.
To be continued…
-
Miracle
The first week of August had some serious revelations come to me about something I had known, but never fully processed until I was forced to. All thanks to a possible misunderstanding on my end regarding money, a topic that will always spark the worst in certain people.
I’ll spare the details, but it was a situation that I can claim responsibility for. What still upsets me the most about it is that this is another reminder of one-sided accountability. The type that will and could eat me alive if I let it.
A few things did come to mind to help ease those thoughts and others linked to it. Like scapegoating, being the insecurity/trauma dump, and more.
First is that these people will never change. No matter who they hurt, and how close those hurt people are, their comfort lies in seeing success in who they chose to be. Expecting change even on a minimal level is best left towards what we’re doing for ourselves.
Second is that trying to understand why they are like this is still not out business. Even if there are clues and stories tied to the answers, our fight to not repeat their mistakes and our own, and that means more than they’ll ever understand.The biggest one is something that I’ll first say that this can apply to anyone regardless of your religious beliefs, if any.
Rev. T.D. Jakes put it best that “the greater the attack, the greater the blessing.” That hit well for the disclosed moment, the feelings that it stirred, and will continue to hit deeper as I look back at other times this could apply.
I’ll always praise the people that are physically far, yet emotionally closer than too many people because of that last point alone. It’s exhausting, sad, yet promotes a form of compassion that can only come from believing I deserve better, and can give better than what I have before.
And I’ll do everything I can to celebrate that openly, while motivating others to find that in themselves. Anything but dwelling in the misery the others often project.
D.F. -
Respect the Game
We’re in a world where communication is easier than ever. Especially for creatives of all types, it makes sense to hear praise not just publicly but privately. Circumstances may vary as to why people wait until they’re face-to-face with someone to show respect, but if in any way they value your comfort in line with their own, they don’t have to wait. It was already there by nature.
D.F.
-
Do Your Thing
I’ve seen a few things lately about another way the “black sheep” of the family can be seen. But first, let me get into how they’ve appeared to me before now.
They’ve always been someone rebellious, without focus, or even the “loser” of the family. Trapped in a parent’s basement/spare room, no drive to move forward in life unless they “grow up” into potential conformity and stagnation.
Cinematically, you might see them “clean up their act” and end up taking on a steady job somewhere, often with a well-off family member. I doubt that’ll happen, as I’ve worked with one of my own before. How the last time it came to be is why I’ll never do it again.
Other definitions I’ve seen label them as the outcast that refuses to share their feelings about anything or one. Likely a response to being shamed and punished for seeing others in a dimmer light than the false one the person of interest casts on themselves.But that’s where things get interesting in that last one. To me, this is where the “black sheep” can still hold that title while still improving on themselves. So well, that whatever they stay focused on can lead to a success life further away from the shaming and deflective friends and/or family that “love” them that way.
How else can they cope with their own problems?
Enough of us know the answer to that, but even that’s tied to a topic I’d love to get to soon.
So if you’re wearing that label in any group, hopefully it’s in a way where you’re not sitting around hoping for a miracle to come. Instead, you’re doing what you can to make it find you. To have it reward you for breaking bonds that you knew were wrong, but couldn’t phrase the experiences comfortably.Well now you can. Let them hate you for it. It’s the closest they’ll get to making them openly hate themselves.
D.F.
-
Mind Playing Tricks On Me
I do my best to not believe in the voices that claim that I should have done more than just create this blog over a year ago now. The ones that I am sure I addressed before that are based on the past and present people in my life who expect more out of you, at the high chance of them wanting your attention towards them more.
And it gets exhausting up here. Wondering whether or not it’s me telling myself these things, or voices inspired by those people? Sometimes it feels like a blend of the two, often leaning towards the other side.
But I have to remember that I have been following orders, demands, and on rare occasions threats for so long, quieting those inner thoughts is an exercise in itself. And I’m sure the longer I could have gone listening to them, the faster I would have ended up anywhere but writing as long as I have.
And that’s why I need to keep doing it. To do more than to bend to voices of even the departed that, if they were here today, would have been cut off. Which honestly can be a topic on its own, but still has earned its place here.
I just know that whatever is next for me as I continue this journey on here, and elsewhere, the last thing I need to do is rush towards it. Forcing myself towards the things I wanted the most hasn’t always worked out, but the steady pace always did, and I’m sure the same will apply here.
All I have to do is keep going.
D.F. -
A Better Tomorrow
As I’ve learned how to open up about my endless supply of thoughts, I’ve become more receptive about others doing the same. Some people considered, it’d be foolish to think those I know who also read these were inspired by me, because we all have our own paths to opening up.
To be in a place of safety and openness with someone means a lot. When you’ve spent a long time around people that would rather you bury the feelings in favor of their own, the opposite feels scary at first. Over time, things, and better people, improve beyond expectations.
To be in that place with yourself means even more. Being honest with discoveries, and willing to sit in the discomforts that were once deflected, and choosing to use close connections as scapegoats and more to avoid shame.
If you’re not safe with yourself, how can you expect others to be safe around you? How can you expect to know that your emotions will be in check as new people give you a chance, and people who’ve known you for years have (unknowingly) given you multiple?
This practice is not an overnight success. For as long as I’ve been at it, I know and feel there’s still things I need to face. From being a child, to teenager, and the various adult stages. But I love what I’ve done to walk towards them because of what I’ve already walked through.
And no natter how many more people that remain to celebrate who I’m becoming in this journey, I know it’s important to celebrate myself for the same. I suggest doing the same for yourself as well, when it’s time to.
D.F.
P.S: Still sticking with the hip-hop title nods, but this one sharing the name of a movie was too good to pass up 🙂
-
It’s Been A Long Time
So I’ve had to sit and wonder, “have I learned anything in all of this?”
I’d like to think I have, while still open to the fact that there’s still plenty to learn.
I’ve been able to communicate a lot better while in-person when it comes to talking about past and present emotions. It’s led to great talks with people that can relate to doing that for themselves.
I’m able to spot and keep distance from people that reflect the things I didn’t speak up about back when they were fresh. I try not to kick myself for that, alone, because that would devalue what I’ve accomplished.
I’m seeing the sociopathic and narcissistic traits in real time rather than in hindsight. Whatever isn’t caught, is often recorded. Even if not, it’s always remembered. And what’s remembered deserves to be spoken.
I’ve relearned not to rush my heart towards people that I don’t know in full. Platonic connections deserve even more care towards how you see them, and express your admiration, if not attraction that may or may not lead to more.
I’ve also relearned how to not get hard on me for not doing things on a routine schedule. Some days you don’t have the energy to maintain progress, but the history of that progress is enough to keep going when I’m ready.
This is a small list of things I could speak on, but what are some things you’ve learned about yourself in the past year? Are you journaling privately or publicly, if at all?
And as a close friend once asked me recently, do you feel that they’ll benefit you for the rest of your life?
My answer to the last one is yes.
I hope the same for you.
D.F.
-
The Beautiful Struggle
I look back at last May to remember the stress and inner conflict that I faced with employment and finances. I had no idea that it would lead me into the necessary free time to tackle the biggest project I could ever work on: my self.
The evolutions during the year are ones that I cherish the most out of the nearly five years of being opened to the chance. Even then, I could have easily favored bending to toxic norms, blind to the better path I gladly chose.
From leaning who is, isn’t, and never will be on your side, to letting go of the emotional attachments that can alter so much about me and others, it’s good to know that as I work on the remnants of old thoughts, healthier ones win.
Sometimes.
But that’s what this healing journey is all about. Celebrating what changes stuck, while giving yourself grace as the others make their way to modification, or complete removal. The deeper they’re woven in you, the harder it’ll be to achieve, but it’ll be worth it in the end.
If I’m meant to continue this for another year, I feel that the things I cannot stand, and the people associated with them, won’t be a problem as much as they can be at random. I’m sure even they’re aware that I’m not one for their natures, as they’re not fans of mine for not accepting theirs anymore.
Time will tell, as always. Every day, I’m glad I spent the time to get my thoughts out while I can. And there’s more to share coming.
Thank you again for staying with me throughout this journey.
D.F.
-
Subscribe
Subscribed
Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
The Brighter the Picture 