The Brighter the Picture

  • The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    (Edited 08/09/2024)

    Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.

    For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

    Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.

    Sometimes both.

    There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.

    No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.

    This is dedicated to the second half.  

    By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.

    The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.

    And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.

    Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.  

    So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.

    After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?

    No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:

    “If it hurts you, it’s about you.”

    -Kingston Priest

    P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.

    First: Animosity

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  • Guess Who’s Back

    The following is for the new people that I’m already grateful for coming to my page.

    Hello! I go by D.F. for privacy and safety reasons, mostly related to many of the entries I’ve written throughout the past year. Things dealing with mental health, toxic behaviors, narcissism, all the stuff in life that gets more celebrated than reviled.

    In these entries, you’ll find me occasionally speak about my own past of being part of that crowd, and what I did to break away from it. Now I use that history and present life to show there’s life after clouded in your own mess. Even while living with and around anyone proud to wear that toxic jacket.

    As of tomorrow, there will be a year’s worth of content to look at, starting here. Some are joyous and inspirational, while others do get deep enough to have trigger warnings at the start.

    But there is something for everyone here. Especially if you get the pop culture nods in titles alone.

    Of which for August, will be dedicated to hip-hop. A small yet timely switch from the film and TV I’ve gone by through the year.

    I promised myself to make this short, so once again, welcome to my page. For the audience that’s been with me since the beginning and onward, thank you.

    Let’s get back to it.

    D.F.

  • “Take Five”

    I’ve been pretty non-stop lately, even with a lot of these entries being written weeks prior to their release. Because of that, it makes sense to have a week away from blogging to gather more thoughts that came up even while on a recent vacation.

    For example, I’m writing this almost 24 hours after making my way back to “normalcy,” and you’ll be seeing this a week and change after that. Even now, I need to not force what I’m feeling in my spirit to write.

    I did try, but like most entries that finally made it on the field, it’s in the drafts.

    So if the Fates see it fit, I’ll see you all in August. Keep taking care of yourselves in the meantime.

    D.F.

  • The Lighthouse

    (Edited 10/17/2023)

    To quote the last entry, “the narcissist’s “wins” are honored by inner fragile trophies waiting to be replaced. The healing/healed person’s wins are sturdy and illuminate. “

    This almost made the post branch off into a whole different topic, how your healing can be compared to a lighthouse. We all know their purpose when it comes to boats and such. In here, it takes other forms.

    I look back to where I would unknowingly attract genuine people that were around for, as the classic saying goes, “a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” A few stayed, even when my light flickered, dimmed, or just shut off.

    There were also ones that were attracted to my miseducation and naïve mind. Being innocent enough to not realize the people seeking safe harbor with me, were running me for my lightbulbs that were hard to come by as it was.

    I don’t think that pull-in of either types of people goes away. The awareness of how they comfort or alert your senses can determine how close you want to be with them, or how quickly you’ll avoid them.

    A better comparison would be towards computers, and the more tech savvy you are about them, the faster you can guess where that can go now. I’ll stick with this theme for the time being.

    It’s okay to still feel uncomfortable about letting the wrong people into your beliefs and such. You didn’t know what they would bring to you, but you know what not to accept if anyone like them decides to dock with you moving forward. Those are the “reason, season” people, after all.

    Keep that light on. You never know who can come in and be that lifetime surprise you’ve been loudly or quietly been waiting for.

    And yes, many great ones have come for, and stayed with me.

    D.F.

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  • Victory

    A psychologist I watch often once repeated a line about how with a narcissist, you can’t win with them. In a way, it’s true. They are artful in crafting a world that keeps the dependent under their thumb as long as they can.

    But I considered something else. Forgive me if I’ve repeated this before in a different way, but while that’s partly true, there’s a way to reframe that. One that favors the true victim over the fake one.

    A narcissist needs that sense of victory to fulfill a false image that they need to keep up, just to save themselves from themselves. Even when succeeding in guilt tripping and bully, they fail in positive self-motivation.

    You on the other hand, aren’t, or shouldn’t be reliant on other’s misery, pain, and weakness to keep you moving towards your goals. How you move in life can be attractive, motivational, and self-empowering in the long run.

    So to me, the narcissist’s “wins” are honored by inner fragile trophies waiting to be replaced. The healing/healed person’s wins are sturdy and illuminate. Even if the narc tries to shame you for them, their existence remains strong.

    And the right people outside of the exchange can always tell whose trophies were won with sincerity over selfishness. Whether they choose, and whoever they choose to be consoling or convictive towards is their fight.

    So even if you’re in a place where narcissism and any levels of abuse continue to reign, know this. What you do, and what you’ve done to this point to break from it is proof that they their wins are nothing compared to yours. Chances are they are aware of that difference, even if in different words that coddle their ego.

    Keep those trophies and awards coming. Keep them polished. For your sake, and for those that truly love you.

    D.F.

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  • A Home of Our Own

    I’ve written so much about what things were and what they are, yet not as much about how things could be in a healed space.

    That space is one that’s a safe harbor for anyone that’s in a healed mind and heart. A place where the misunderstood and unheard can lower their guard and keep it down.

    This place will have gentler noises that soothe one’s senses. Doors can stay open, all rooms are free of harsh uncertainty, and no one that knocks is a threat to your boundaries.

    No matter how close a drive it may be, it will be a place far from what’s tainted all of your senses. They will know by your actions how strongly your demands for changes will be.

    In general, that space will be somewhere that you can call truly call home.

    Never stop believing that it’s close to your possession.

    D.F.

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  • Pixels

    The smallest changes can tie to bigger ones in interesting ways, even more when the changed you want to make have been thought about for a long time.

    In this case, it’s about a phone app.

    I have a lot of media to sort through on my phone, but nothing compares to the space that apps and system data will use up. Not that they all aren’t important, but one needed to go so the WordPress app could take its place.

    It was a gaming one, loaded with microtransactions that I’ll admit I gave in to, but the main thing lied in what type of control it had over me.

    Sometimes it left me open for unrelated emotional triggers while playing. Even with knowing that, I’d still go into the game and enjoyed both the gaming aspect and somehow tolerated the false comfort within the anxiety.

    Not even console games had/have me like this. And it has nothing to do with the game’s theme, either. It was an otherwise cute yet challenging puzzler for all ages, and I thought it would be anything but what it became to my MH.

    As of this posting, it’s been a few weeks since I deleted it. When I wrote this though, it hasn’t been a week yet, but already I have little to no sign of going back. And I had that app for what may have been more than a year, if that.

    I can’t help but think of why I remained so comforted in that thing. It’s not like I’m comfortable with the general emotional issues, and I don’t need any kind of game to remind me of them.

    If there’s anything to take from the experience, it’s that there’s still arguably smaller things to chip off which I now see caused me to feel the way I did before starting my MH journey. Things that remind me of the warped idea of safer spaces, even while historically living in places that are anything but.

    Given how long it took to get rid of this app in favor of a better one, the phrase “old habits die hard” applies very well.

    But hey. At least this one’s dead.

    D.F.

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  • Change of Heart

    So I made a post about what I wanted to do for this coming August. In short, something that could mirror how I started it last year, with different targets in mind. Two are already in early draft, while others haven’t started yet.

    And honestly, I’m not seeing any reason to do so. At least not in the way I had planned, or with the energy I had planned to write it in.

    So much of this blog has put time and effort towards me venting about different people that exist(ed) in my life, and the lessons I’ve learned and learning about them. To encapsulate it a year later in the intended format almost feels like repeating an old habit.

    The primary ones I could write about may give me reason to make a whole new entry regarding them, between the time this posts, and August. Others may feel like a public rumination of who they were to me.

    But as I’ve written this, a new way to approach the August theme came to mind.

    “Why not write ‘thank you’ letters?”

    Think about it. None of this would have been possible without their unintentional support, combined with my unique experiences with them, and other ways my brain works that I’m trying not to mislabel.

    They do deserve thanks for what they’ve done and who they are, even more who they’ve chosen to be. I’ve made my choices too while developing this blog, and they’ve helped me further detach from their ideas of me.

    So I’ll go ahead with the mini-series under a new mindset. One that reflects more of who I’ve become in the time I’ve written so much, and still have plenty more to go.

    D.F.

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  • Love Again

    Love is beautiful when it’s pure. In every way that it can exist, nothing can beat it.

    The deeper your connection with someone, the more the two of you can choose where your affections can and will meet. You can even decide who is allowed into your circle of friendship and/or romance.

    It’s great when love is unbound to the traumatic definitions that many will abide by to their graves. When that’s done, none of them can tell you how your heart should be managed, not when they’re struggling with their own.

    Pure love doesn’t judge you for who you were in the past, not when it has known you as a better person than the one you may feel doesn’t deserve it. It’s even less judgmental when it knew you in that time, and stayed because you chose to be better.

    What does love mean to you? Have you felt it in a way that’s removed from those that abuse it for their selfish needs? Were you ever someone like that, and learned how to break the cycle?

    As far as the second question goes, I have. In hindsight to the third, I was, without realizing it until I made enough distance and committed to healing from that former self.

    So now, any declaration of love towards me needs to match how I see it. Not to the letter, especially since this is only talking about the short list, but just enough to provide a mutual safe space with anyone I share it with.

    If you’re still in your discovery period, or what some circles would consider your “training arc,” don’t stop. You’ll know more than anyone how your heart works, and who you want around you that respects it in full.

    The path towards this is worth it. More than you know now, and perhaps even when you receive and feel it.

    All you have to do is not stop growing towards it.

    D.F.

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  • The Crush

    (Updated 9/26/2023)

    You’re never too old to have a crush on someone. Trust that. How you handle them will show off your maturity, or lack thereof.

    For me, there’s a series of them that I have or had which fit under one key factor. Outside of spoken interests and levels of communication, there’s a lot I don’t know about them as a person. And vice versa.

    It’s often their aesthetics, their presentations and styles that draw me in. Yes, at times physical features play a part, but separating the idea of someone from any manufactured fantasy/hopeless romanticism makes a world of difference.

    With any level of attraction, things deserve to grow at a steady pace. Acting like someone’s heart is a prize to win is a fast way to get your heart kicked. It can also leave you trying to change who you are to pull in someone you’re still trying to know. If you’re trying at all.

    If you like each other enough to go further, go for it. The natural growth to a lasting friendship and/or romance will always be worth the patience preceding it.

    Just do your best to not go extra in saying “DAMN, YOU FINE!”

    Unless they tell you they like that, then you two have fun!

    D.F.

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  • The Ex

    (Edited 9/19, 9/26/2023)

    I spoke with a friend of mine a while back, and they shared how and why they are still virtually connected to an ex that was a mess of a person.

    My friend doesn’t always go out of their way to antagonize the ex that they have children with, except for specific parental holidays, which are fueled by a point where the ex claimed that they wouldn’t make it in life.

    My friend proved them wrong in wonderful ways that I wish I could share.

    While I enjoyed and even related to the acts that fit a mantra/lyric “success is the best revenge,” added to their path of self-healing and MH advocacy in a similar season to my own, I had to advise them on something.

    There will be that point where they won’t need to make that level of contact with their ex anymore. They agreed that the day will come. It’s a natural feeling that can’t be forced, and I made sure to say that I’d never force that.

    People that choose to heal properly do so at a rate based on multiple factors. Giving them grace while they do so is a chance to understand your own path in it, and have both of you meeting in the middle without fearing or attempting a power struggle.

    That’s what’s missing in the world. People slowing down their thoughts and quieting the ego long enough to be taught how to treat others where they’re at, and where they’re going.

    And if you love someone as deeply as my friend and I do for each other, you’ll do that without hesitation.

    D.F.

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