The Brighter the Picture

  • The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    (Edited 08/09/2024)

    Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.

    For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

    Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.

    Sometimes both.

    There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.

    No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.

    This is dedicated to the second half.  

    By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.

    The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.

    And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.

    Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.  

    So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.

    After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?

    No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:

    “If it hurts you, it’s about you.”

    -Kingston Priest

    P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.

    First: Animosity

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  • Respect the Game

    We’re in a world where communication is easier than ever. Especially for creatives of all types, it makes sense to hear praise not just publicly but privately. Circumstances may vary as to why people wait until they’re face-to-face with someone to show respect, but if in any way they value your comfort in line with their own, they don’t have to wait. It was already there by nature.

    D.F.

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  • Do Your Thing

    I’ve seen a few things lately about another way the “black sheep” of the family can be seen. But first, let me get into how they’ve appeared to me before now.

    They’ve always been someone rebellious, without focus, or even the “loser” of the family. Trapped in a parent’s basement/spare room, no drive to move forward in life unless they “grow up” into potential conformity and stagnation.

    Cinematically, you might see them “clean up their act” and end up taking on a steady job somewhere, often with a well-off family member. I doubt that’ll happen, as I’ve worked with one of my own before. How the last time it came to be is why I’ll never do it again.

    Other definitions I’ve seen label them as the outcast that refuses to share their feelings about anything or one. Likely a response to being shamed and punished for seeing others in a dimmer light than the false one the person of interest casts on themselves.

    But that’s where things get interesting in that last one. To me, this is where the “black sheep” can still hold that title while still improving on themselves. So well, that whatever they stay focused on can lead to a success life further away from the shaming and deflective friends and/or family that “love” them that way.

    How else can they cope with their own problems?

    Enough of us know the answer to that, but even that’s tied to a topic I’d love to get to soon.

    So if you’re wearing that label in any group, hopefully it’s in a way where you’re not sitting around hoping for a miracle to come. Instead, you’re doing what you can to make it find you. To have it reward you for breaking bonds that you knew were wrong, but couldn’t phrase the experiences comfortably.

    Well now you can. Let them hate you for it. It’s the closest they’ll get to making them openly hate themselves.

    D.F.

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  • Mind Playing Tricks On Me

    I do my best to not believe in the voices that claim that I should have done more than just create this blog over a year ago now. The ones that I am sure I addressed before that are based on the past and present people in my life who expect more out of you, at the high chance of them wanting your attention towards them more.

    And it gets exhausting up here. Wondering whether or not it’s me telling myself these things, or voices inspired by those people? Sometimes it feels like a blend of the two, often leaning towards the other side.

    But I have to remember that I have been following orders, demands, and on rare occasions threats for so long, quieting those inner thoughts is an exercise in itself. And I’m sure the longer I could have gone listening to them, the faster I would have ended up anywhere but writing as long as I have.

    And that’s why I need to keep doing it. To do more than to bend to voices of even the departed that, if they were here today, would have been cut off. Which honestly can be a topic on its own, but still has earned its place here.

    I just know that whatever is next for me as I continue this journey on here, and elsewhere, the last thing I need to do is rush towards it. Forcing myself towards the things I wanted the most hasn’t always worked out, but the steady pace always did, and I’m sure the same will apply here.

    All I have to do is keep going.

    D.F.

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  • A Better Tomorrow

    As I’ve learned how to open up about my endless supply of thoughts, I’ve become more receptive about others doing the same. Some people considered, it’d be foolish to think those I know who also read these were inspired by me, because we all have our own paths to opening up.

    To be in a place of safety and openness with someone means a lot. When you’ve spent a long time around people that would rather you bury the feelings in favor of their own, the opposite feels scary at first. Over time, things, and better people, improve beyond expectations.

    To be in that place with yourself means even more. Being honest with discoveries, and willing to sit in the discomforts that were once deflected, and choosing to use close connections as scapegoats and more to avoid shame. 

    If you’re not safe with yourself, how can you expect others to be safe around you? How can you expect to know that your emotions will be in check as new people give you a chance, and people who’ve known you for years have (unknowingly) given you multiple?

    This practice is not an overnight success. For as long as I’ve been at it, I know and feel there’s still things I need to face. From being a child, to teenager, and the various adult stages. But I love what I’ve done to walk towards them because of what I’ve already walked through.

    And no natter how many more people that remain to celebrate who I’m becoming in this journey, I know it’s important to celebrate myself for the same. I suggest doing the same for yourself as well, when it’s time to.

    D.F.

    P.S: Still sticking with the hip-hop title nods, but this one sharing the name of a movie was too good to pass up 🙂

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  • It’s Been A Long Time

    So I’ve had to sit and wonder, “have I learned anything in all of this?”

    I’d like to think I have, while still open to the fact that there’s still plenty to learn.

    I’ve been able to communicate a lot better while in-person when it comes to talking about past and present emotions. It’s led to great talks with people that can relate to doing that for themselves.

    I’m able to spot and keep distance from people that reflect the things I didn’t speak up about back when they were fresh. I try not to kick myself for that, alone, because that would devalue what I’ve accomplished.

    I’m seeing the sociopathic and narcissistic traits in real time rather than in hindsight. Whatever isn’t caught, is often recorded. Even if not, it’s always remembered. And what’s remembered deserves to be spoken.

    I’ve relearned not to rush my heart towards people that I don’t know in full. Platonic connections deserve even more care towards how you see them, and express your admiration, if not attraction that may or may not lead to more.

    I’ve also relearned how to not get hard on me for not doing things on a routine schedule. Some days you don’t have the energy to maintain progress, but the history of that progress is enough to keep going when I’m ready.

    This is a small list of things I could speak on, but what are some things you’ve learned about yourself in the past year? Are you journaling privately or publicly, if at all?

    And as a close friend once asked me recently, do you feel that they’ll benefit you for the rest of your life?

    My answer to the last one is yes.

    I hope the same for you.

    D.F.

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  • The Beautiful Struggle

    I look back at last May to remember the stress and inner conflict that I faced with employment and finances. I had no idea that it would lead me into the necessary free time to tackle the biggest project I could ever work on: my self.

    The evolutions during the year are ones that I cherish the most out of the nearly five years of being opened to the chance. Even then, I could have easily favored bending to toxic norms, blind to the better path I gladly chose.

    From leaning who is, isn’t, and never will be on your side, to letting go of the emotional attachments that can alter so much about me and others, it’s good to know that as I work on the remnants of old thoughts, healthier ones win.

    Sometimes.

    But that’s what this healing journey is all about. Celebrating what changes stuck, while giving yourself grace as the others make their way to modification, or complete removal. The deeper they’re woven in you, the harder it’ll be to achieve, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

    If I’m meant to continue this for another year, I feel that the things I cannot stand, and the people associated with them, won’t be a problem as much as they can be at random. I’m sure even they’re aware that I’m not one for their natures, as they’re not fans of mine for not accepting theirs anymore.

    Time will tell, as always. Every day, I’m glad I spent the time to get my thoughts out while I can. And there’s more to share coming.

    Thank you again for staying with me throughout this journey.

    D.F.

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  • Guess Who’s Back

    The following is for the new people that I’m already grateful for coming to my page.

    Hello! I go by D.F. for privacy and safety reasons, mostly related to many of the entries I’ve written throughout the past year. Things dealing with mental health, toxic behaviors, narcissism, all the stuff in life that gets more celebrated than reviled.

    In these entries, you’ll find me occasionally speak about my own past of being part of that crowd, and what I did to break away from it. Now I use that history and present life to show there’s life after clouded in your own mess. Even while living with and around anyone proud to wear that toxic jacket.

    As of tomorrow, there will be a year’s worth of content to look at, starting here. Some are joyous and inspirational, while others do get deep enough to have trigger warnings at the start.

    But there is something for everyone here. Especially if you get the pop culture nods in titles alone.

    Of which for August, will be dedicated to hip-hop. A small yet timely switch from the film and TV I’ve gone by through the year.

    I promised myself to make this short, so once again, welcome to my page. For the audience that’s been with me since the beginning and onward, thank you.

    Let’s get back to it.

    D.F.

  • “Take Five”

    I’ve been pretty non-stop lately, even with a lot of these entries being written weeks prior to their release. Because of that, it makes sense to have a week away from blogging to gather more thoughts that came up even while on a recent vacation.

    For example, I’m writing this almost 24 hours after making my way back to “normalcy,” and you’ll be seeing this a week and change after that. Even now, I need to not force what I’m feeling in my spirit to write.

    I did try, but like most entries that finally made it on the field, it’s in the drafts.

    So if the Fates see it fit, I’ll see you all in August. Keep taking care of yourselves in the meantime.

    D.F.

  • The Lighthouse

    (Edited 10/17/2023)

    To quote the last entry, “the narcissist’s “wins” are honored by inner fragile trophies waiting to be replaced. The healing/healed person’s wins are sturdy and illuminate. “

    This almost made the post branch off into a whole different topic, how your healing can be compared to a lighthouse. We all know their purpose when it comes to boats and such. In here, it takes other forms.

    I look back to where I would unknowingly attract genuine people that were around for, as the classic saying goes, “a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” A few stayed, even when my light flickered, dimmed, or just shut off.

    There were also ones that were attracted to my miseducation and naïve mind. Being innocent enough to not realize the people seeking safe harbor with me, were running me for my lightbulbs that were hard to come by as it was.

    I don’t think that pull-in of either types of people goes away. The awareness of how they comfort or alert your senses can determine how close you want to be with them, or how quickly you’ll avoid them.

    A better comparison would be towards computers, and the more tech savvy you are about them, the faster you can guess where that can go now. I’ll stick with this theme for the time being.

    It’s okay to still feel uncomfortable about letting the wrong people into your beliefs and such. You didn’t know what they would bring to you, but you know what not to accept if anyone like them decides to dock with you moving forward. Those are the “reason, season” people, after all.

    Keep that light on. You never know who can come in and be that lifetime surprise you’ve been loudly or quietly been waiting for.

    And yes, many great ones have come for, and stayed with me.

    D.F.

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  • Victory

    A psychologist I watch often once repeated a line about how with a narcissist, you can’t win with them. In a way, it’s true. They are artful in crafting a world that keeps the dependent under their thumb as long as they can.

    But I considered something else. Forgive me if I’ve repeated this before in a different way, but while that’s partly true, there’s a way to reframe that. One that favors the true victim over the fake one.

    A narcissist needs that sense of victory to fulfill a false image that they need to keep up, just to save themselves from themselves. Even when succeeding in guilt tripping and bully, they fail in positive self-motivation.

    You on the other hand, aren’t, or shouldn’t be reliant on other’s misery, pain, and weakness to keep you moving towards your goals. How you move in life can be attractive, motivational, and self-empowering in the long run.

    So to me, the narcissist’s “wins” are honored by inner fragile trophies waiting to be replaced. The healing/healed person’s wins are sturdy and illuminate. Even if the narc tries to shame you for them, their existence remains strong.

    And the right people outside of the exchange can always tell whose trophies were won with sincerity over selfishness. Whether they choose, and whoever they choose to be consoling or convictive towards is their fight.

    So even if you’re in a place where narcissism and any levels of abuse continue to reign, know this. What you do, and what you’ve done to this point to break from it is proof that they their wins are nothing compared to yours. Chances are they are aware of that difference, even if in different words that coddle their ego.

    Keep those trophies and awards coming. Keep them polished. For your sake, and for those that truly love you.

    D.F.

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