The Brighter the Picture

  • The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    (Edited 08/09/2024)

    Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.

    For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

    Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.

    Sometimes both.

    There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.

    No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.

    This is dedicated to the second half.  

    By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.

    The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.

    And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.

    Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.  

    So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.

    After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?

    No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:

    “If it hurts you, it’s about you.”

    -Kingston Priest

    P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.

    First: Animosity

    ,
    , , , , , , ,

  • Pride

    (Updated 9/26/2023, 11/28/2023)

    For a long time, I’ve been supportive of everyone no matter who their hearts call to. Not long enough to say it’s been my whole life, because I’ve had my ignorant seasons. But long enough to know that there would be a point where I would sit and learn where I stand, or even what flag speaks to me.

    I’m still in the middle of researching ones that I’ve been suggested to by one friend, but so far I’m aware of the things I am not, and I had been before diving deeper into discovery.

    The research is important to me, because I wouldn’t claim something I’d risk changing the next day or misrepresent a choice. Not when there are people keeping theirs a secret to appease other’s egos against their own comfort.

    That’s something I can relate to heavily, outside of this topic.

    And it’s been beautiful to see people much older than me discover and even live their truths openly, regardless of what society believes, or what politics hypocritically demand too often.

    The journey will go beyond this month. This is something that means enough to me that I don’t want to treat it like a beacon of solidarity or wanting to be accepted somewhere. There are people that already love me for who I am now, what I’ve become, and how my renewed heart works.

    Surely, they will continue to love me, no matter who my heart calls for.

    D.F

    , , , , , , ,

  • Vantage Point

    (Edited 11/28/2023)

    So right after writing my last entry, something great occurred to me.

    In regards to the financial abuse side of it, I’ve been given an opportunity to have a series of things still happening for me to get away from this cycle.

    I’ll save the details, but what’s asked for is far removed from what it could have been had I been employed before recently. The other half of that can be put towards my own place again, regardless of it being a house or apartment.

    So long as no other questions regarding my history are asked, peace towards my goals are still intact. Surely they always were. All because I reminded myself that even with annoyances that deserve to be revealed, I’m still good.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if this discovery was based on venting in the last post. Pretty certain it is, not just because it’s worked in the past, but there had always been anxiety about exposure about my “financial transition period” (hereafter, FTP).

    And even if they did know, and I’m sure in time they will, what’s to lose? The victories during that have led to another one right here, and surely there are more to come. And I said before that I believe all I’ve lost will return to me.

    That’s the beauty of working through trauma and abuse. As hard as it can be, there’s that silver lining, or linings that can give you hope in what you need to maintain that new sense of love, respect, and peace that you not only desire, but will protect once it’s yours.

    For me, maybe this is the inner child/young adult me side celebrating this realization, and how it ties to others. Still worth popping bottles over.

    Not for you, “young me.” You’re getting apple juice :p

    D.F.

  • Strange Days

    (Note: This is technically a two-parter. Part two premiers this Wednesday.)


    Sometimes I catch myself in one heavy feeling. I hate that I’m the one that’s still here, not for lack of trying to get away from the triangulation that I had become adjusted to in previous seasons.

    Losing thousands of dollars to stay in a place wrapped in nearly every form of abuse that can be imagined, when it could have been set to be free from it all.

    Hearing complaints disguised as advice about assisting here and there, while secretly managing your own wellness to get to the life that I’ll eventually have.

    And knowing that when I’m gone from this place, so long as I’m in close range, they’ll always find a way to make me the scapegoat.

    The rage is valid. Its application though, must be controlled.

    And sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I finally lost it. Then I remind myself of what’s been built and what I’ve reclaimed. Those things that I wanted for years, but never had the time or courage to do it.

    Another reason that stops me, is not wanting fake victims to play off being real ones. They’ve won for so long, and I know they don’t deserve it anymore. Does this mean my own peaceful win will be huge enough to damage their streak?

    I hope so.

    All that I’ve learned and shared on here has done me well in a number of fields. Whatever it’s leading to in the long run must be the grandest victory I could ever have over these people I’ve shared too much with. People that don’t deserve my new definition of love, respect, and peace.

    And that’s why it hurts to still be here. Despite all my efforts to leave for good, and because I’m the only one that wants a break from the status quo, that is why.

    I shake at the idea of who I would have been if I didn’t start writing all of this out. Keeping it in and exploding it in a way that would shatter everything I’ve wanted, and most of it I have (again).

    And some days, it’s easy to chill that fire.

    Some.

    Again, the rage is valid. It’s the application that determines my future.

    D.F.

    , , , , , , , , ,

  • The Conqueror

    (Edited 11/28/2023)

    So that meeting I talked about last time? I said there were multiple points that paralleled with my MH journey, and while I led with one that impacted me the most, that doesn’t deflate the other one I’ll cover here.

    This also happened later in the meeting with so much info shared about homeownership. I mentioned how scary the entire thing was to get into, and my friend the rep said to not think of it as scary, but unknown.

    It’s true in both realms. I’ve imagined having an apartment for so long that I saw homeownership as a far-off, even impossible feat to manage because of realistic, and anxiety-inspired circumstances.

    On the MH side, I often had myself to lean on in the darkest times, unaware of what I’d experience, or even had the courage to feel in this new view of my world, and anyone still in it.

    I see both sides as being connected to each other in unique ways. It took years of MH education and healing to get me to believe that it was worth exploring the homebuying opportunity. I also had to believe that it was worth the time to educate myself on what options are out there for me.

    This can apply to other areas of life that are unknown to us, yet tied to what we want for ourselves for our future.

    It even reminds of me of a moment from a game, where a son is telling his father that he’ll be leaving on his own. The father asks if he was scared. The son nodded, and the father assured him that’s why he must pursue his goal.

    It all ties into how the unknown isn’t meant to be feared if you view it more as a time to educate and apply what you’ve learned into action. There are plenty of things that are unknown to me, along with things that I need refreshers on.

    But even if I forget this rephrasing of the emotion in any moment, fears are meant to be conquered. The unknown asks only to be understood in order to make informed decisions on what is right for you.

    D.F.

    , , , , , ,

  • Live and Become

    CW: Violence, DV, s*icide

    “Multiverse” has become a mainstream word in recent years. Lifelong nerds, geeks, and the like such as myself have known of it longer, some even writing and publishing stories based on what they would be like under creative circumstances.

    Sometimes my mind goes to that place because it’s interesting how one simple change could cause events to spin a different direction. Events that I’ve caused, could have caused, or ones where I was the legitimate victim.

    Moments where I felt insulted and didn’t resort to violence, both on my door step and in social gatherings. Or where I should have walked away instead of staying and risk taking more.

    Others where adults could have been more responsible and not risk my health in the long term. Or where one specific punishment came in the form of being hit in the head with something that could have damaged me, or worse.

    Moments where I could have released my anger on anyone that repeatedly hurt me without remorse, finishing what others started. Or not waste my time and put it towards myself, even going all the way to stop feeling the pain.

    And others where I was not the greatest friend, family member, love interest, or lover.

    Regardless of being a child or even young adult at most times, there’s a lot to look back on. Much of it I wondered what I could have done to prevent some of them from happening, while others are lessons on how you treat others when health and even lives are on the line.

    Some stories are worth sharing or implying as part of sharing what was learned, while others deserve to be taken to the grave.

    That’s a daily thought pattern, even in examples I didn’t give. All that matters now is that in this reality, I continue to prove to myself that any old mistakes will not be repeated. Any societal and domestic abuse will not be passed on or tolerated. And any (self-)destructive ideas can still be channeled into creative energy.

    Maybe that’s the other reason I started this blog and didn’t fully channel it until now.

    D.F.

    , , , , , , , ,

  • The Flip Side

    Imagine being the kind of person that leaves a toxic relationship, only to mimic the toxic traits that were set on you.

    You would do and say anything and everything to make sure others close to you bend to your will and never question you, even indirectly.

    Hearing about one’s needs for themselves, or for you to change your bad habits, only to turn on fake tears with a quiver in your voice, coming as fast as putting the middle finger into their face.

    If you have kids together, and one or more of them aren’t there for you under any circumstances, you may contact the ex to pull said child(ren) back to your direction. And you’ll win, because you might even have dirt on the ex’s name.

    The list can go on, but if you so much as twitched at any of these, then you’re on the right path to keep away from them, and not becoming like them. Putting the effort into changing yourself because they won’t change.

    As one quote that I saw goes, “you can’t make peace with someone who has war in their heart.”

    No matter how they mock or shame you for breaking their norm, hold the line. They may pull some unbelievable methods to justify payback, but they’ll burnout sooner than you. Because your defense is fortified by progression.

    And it’s best to leave them knowing that what you’ve become is what they’ve rejected to be.

    D.F.

    , , , , , ,

  • The Client

    Over a month ago, the idea of homeownership came to me from a bank rep. This caused some interest in asking the right people for advice and resources to make this possible, even for me still fresh into a new job.

    One of these times involved a friend I made years ago during volunteer work. They now work in the industry and has made significant life changes that had them glowing in a relatable way.

    There were multiple points they made that I couldn’t help but feel paralleled to my mental health (MH) journey. I’ll cover the biggest one first.

    Late into the meeting, I stated how I had been asking people, including them, that could be trusted with about my homeowner education. They agreed, and said to “let their hindsight be your foresight.”

    I connected to that very well when it came to the hours of videos, podcasts, and reading articles of people’s personal stories on overcoming trauma and learn what healing methods were right for me.

    They loved the parallel, as well.

    Housing and even apartment potential included, I have loved how things seemed to come along at the right time in my life that are tied to what I’ve discovered, even rediscovered in the MH space.

    I may still feel that I’m “late” in the game towards so many things others have worked for in their lives, but there is still such a thing as being “right on time” for those meant to be there as the cheerleaders, classmates, teachers, and lessons.

    D.F.

    , , , ,

  • Chill Factor

    The last couple of years of learning the different examples of narcissism are almost mind numbing. Every time I think I’ve experienced them all, I see something new come up that updates the strategy guide and their lore.

    It’s easy to say that what I’ve experienced lines up with what I’ve learned about, but sometimes it gets exhausting to keep up with it all. Almost as exhausting as existing with people that inspired my education.

    Keeping up with narcissists and the like is unhealthy. Sleep patterns and eating habits get affected, the need for social interaction may decrease or increase to troubling levels, and other damaging side effects.

    So when those days come where the body is telling you to rest, don’t challenge it. That can also be because of a combination of any physical exercises that you’re willingly managing to better your health. It all counts to the necessary rest.

    Part of you may hope that the “narcs” around you will understand that you need(ed) your own time, but you’ve given them enough thought. Often by them forcing it on you.

    That’s why the rest is needed.

    And if they’re not willing to give it you, you’re all in your right to take it.

    D.F.




    , , , , , , , ,

  • Nothing but Trouble

    (Edited 11/28/2023)

    It’s hard to look back at the times you’ve felt like you were a “trauma dump” to people you cared for, and may have cared for you.

    It’s harder when you see who left you because most of your time with them involved the seemingly endless venting, often about the same topics.

    Not everyone is built for those talks, even on a small level. That’s why even when you want to reach out concerning good news, their inner alarms may go off. That “oh no, are they gonna’ go on about [insert topic] again” feeling.

    Even when you’ve built a reputation for it, you’re allowed to have them with people, too. It takes a certain level of awareness to even know that why you’re avoiding them is why others avoid you.

    It’s okay to feel sad if they’ve chosen to (quietly) cut ties. You may have had some great moments that had nothing to do with sharing pains, to the point of repetition. And arguably worse, not acknowledging their own trials.

    For the ones that remain close to you, check in on them about their lives. Actively listen to them the way you want them to listen to you. That way, the moments of not sharing emotional scars will be drowned by mutual laughter.

    And other joyous things if you’re that close. 😉

    D.F.

    ,
    , , , , , ,

  • “Coming Soon”

    (Edit: 6/19/2023 – Having a change of plans with this idea. More will be said in an upcoming post that I will hyperlink here when it’s time.)

    When this blog began, it started as a series of letters to my younger self. Much has been said since those nine entries ended, and between the time I wrote this post in May, and when this will be posted, more will be written.

    For the one year anniversary in August, I’ve decided to flip things around.

    Letters dedicated to the people that are, or were in my life that got me here. The good, bad, everything I can manage to write about.

    It’s inspired by something I used to do but lost track of, where you write physical letters to someone that will never be sent to them. Mostly because you’re supposed to destroy them, and I’m not sure if I ever did.

    And I have a LOT of notebooks.

    That aside, I don’t know yet how many entries I’ll have for it. But I like the idea enough to make it as limited as the first “arc” was. Whether it’ll be as freeing as that one was is yet to be seen, but I’ll be glad to have done it no matter what.

    To be continued…. 🙂