The Brighter the Picture

  • The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro

    (Edited 08/09/2024)

    Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.

    For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

    Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.

    Sometimes both.

    There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.

    No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.

    This is dedicated to the second half.  

    By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.

    The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.

    And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.

    Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.  

    So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.

    After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?

    No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:

    “If it hurts you, it’s about you.”

    -Kingston Priest

    P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.

    First: Animosity

    ,
    , , , , , , ,

  • A Home of Our Own

    I’ve written so much about what things were and what they are, yet not as much about how things could be in a healed space.

    That space is one that’s a safe harbor for anyone that’s in a healed mind and heart. A place where the misunderstood and unheard can lower their guard and keep it down.

    This place will have gentler noises that soothe one’s senses. Doors can stay open, all rooms are free of harsh uncertainty, and no one that knocks is a threat to your boundaries.

    No matter how close a drive it may be, it will be a place far from what’s tainted all of your senses. They will know by your actions how strongly your demands for changes will be.

    In general, that space will be somewhere that you can call truly call home.

    Never stop believing that it’s close to your possession.

    D.F.

    , , , , , , , ,

  • Pixels

    The smallest changes can tie to bigger ones in interesting ways, even more when the changed you want to make have been thought about for a long time.

    In this case, it’s about a phone app.

    I have a lot of media to sort through on my phone, but nothing compares to the space that apps and system data will use up. Not that they all aren’t important, but one needed to go so the WordPress app could take its place.

    It was a gaming one, loaded with microtransactions that I’ll admit I gave in to, but the main thing lied in what type of control it had over me.

    Sometimes it left me open for unrelated emotional triggers while playing. Even with knowing that, I’d still go into the game and enjoyed both the gaming aspect and somehow tolerated the false comfort within the anxiety.

    Not even console games had/have me like this. And it has nothing to do with the game’s theme, either. It was an otherwise cute yet challenging puzzler for all ages, and I thought it would be anything but what it became to my MH.

    As of this posting, it’s been a few weeks since I deleted it. When I wrote this though, it hasn’t been a week yet, but already I have little to no sign of going back. And I had that app for what may have been more than a year, if that.

    I can’t help but think of why I remained so comforted in that thing. It’s not like I’m comfortable with the general emotional issues, and I don’t need any kind of game to remind me of them.

    If there’s anything to take from the experience, it’s that there’s still arguably smaller things to chip off which I now see caused me to feel the way I did before starting my MH journey. Things that remind me of the warped idea of safer spaces, even while historically living in places that are anything but.

    Given how long it took to get rid of this app in favor of a better one, the phrase “old habits die hard” applies very well.

    But hey. At least this one’s dead.

    D.F.

    ,

  • Change of Heart

    So I made a post about what I wanted to do for this coming August. In short, something that could mirror how I started it last year, with different targets in mind. Two are already in early draft, while others haven’t started yet.

    And honestly, I’m not seeing any reason to do so. At least not in the way I had planned, or with the energy I had planned to write it in.

    So much of this blog has put time and effort towards me venting about different people that exist(ed) in my life, and the lessons I’ve learned and learning about them. To encapsulate it a year later in the intended format almost feels like repeating an old habit.

    The primary ones I could write about may give me reason to make a whole new entry regarding them, between the time this posts, and August. Others may feel like a public rumination of who they were to me.

    But as I’ve written this, a new way to approach the August theme came to mind.

    “Why not write ‘thank you’ letters?”

    Think about it. None of this would have been possible without their unintentional support, combined with my unique experiences with them, and other ways my brain works that I’m trying not to mislabel.

    They do deserve thanks for what they’ve done and who they are, even more who they’ve chosen to be. I’ve made my choices too while developing this blog, and they’ve helped me further detach from their ideas of me.

    So I’ll go ahead with the mini-series under a new mindset. One that reflects more of who I’ve become in the time I’ve written so much, and still have plenty more to go.

    D.F.

    , , , , , , , ,

  • Love Again

    Love is beautiful when it’s pure. In every way that it can exist, nothing can beat it.

    The deeper your connection with someone, the more the two of you can choose where your affections can and will meet. You can even decide who is allowed into your circle of friendship and/or romance.

    It’s great when love is unbound to the traumatic definitions that many will abide by to their graves. When that’s done, none of them can tell you how your heart should be managed, not when they’re struggling with their own.

    Pure love doesn’t judge you for who you were in the past, not when it has known you as a better person than the one you may feel doesn’t deserve it. It’s even less judgmental when it knew you in that time, and stayed because you chose to be better.

    What does love mean to you? Have you felt it in a way that’s removed from those that abuse it for their selfish needs? Were you ever someone like that, and learned how to break the cycle?

    As far as the second question goes, I have. In hindsight to the third, I was, without realizing it until I made enough distance and committed to healing from that former self.

    So now, any declaration of love towards me needs to match how I see it. Not to the letter, especially since this is only talking about the short list, but just enough to provide a mutual safe space with anyone I share it with.

    If you’re still in your discovery period, or what some circles would consider your “training arc,” don’t stop. You’ll know more than anyone how your heart works, and who you want around you that respects it in full.

    The path towards this is worth it. More than you know now, and perhaps even when you receive and feel it.

    All you have to do is not stop growing towards it.

    D.F.

    , , , , , ,

  • The Crush

    (Updated 9/26/2023)

    You’re never too old to have a crush on someone. Trust that. How you handle them will show off your maturity, or lack thereof.

    For me, there’s a series of them that I have or had which fit under one key factor. Outside of spoken interests and levels of communication, there’s a lot I don’t know about them as a person. And vice versa.

    It’s often their aesthetics, their presentations and styles that draw me in. Yes, at times physical features play a part, but separating the idea of someone from any manufactured fantasy/hopeless romanticism makes a world of difference.

    With any level of attraction, things deserve to grow at a steady pace. Acting like someone’s heart is a prize to win is a fast way to get your heart kicked. It can also leave you trying to change who you are to pull in someone you’re still trying to know. If you’re trying at all.

    If you like each other enough to go further, go for it. The natural growth to a lasting friendship and/or romance will always be worth the patience preceding it.

    Just do your best to not go extra in saying “DAMN, YOU FINE!”

    Unless they tell you they like that, then you two have fun!

    D.F.

    , , , , ,

  • The Ex

    (Edited 9/19, 9/26/2023)

    I spoke with a friend of mine a while back, and they shared how and why they are still virtually connected to an ex that was a mess of a person.

    My friend doesn’t always go out of their way to antagonize the ex that they have children with, except for specific parental holidays, which are fueled by a point where the ex claimed that they wouldn’t make it in life.

    My friend proved them wrong in wonderful ways that I wish I could share.

    While I enjoyed and even related to the acts that fit a mantra/lyric “success is the best revenge,” added to their path of self-healing and MH advocacy in a similar season to my own, I had to advise them on something.

    There will be that point where they won’t need to make that level of contact with their ex anymore. They agreed that the day will come. It’s a natural feeling that can’t be forced, and I made sure to say that I’d never force that.

    People that choose to heal properly do so at a rate based on multiple factors. Giving them grace while they do so is a chance to understand your own path in it, and have both of you meeting in the middle without fearing or attempting a power struggle.

    That’s what’s missing in the world. People slowing down their thoughts and quieting the ego long enough to be taught how to treat others where they’re at, and where they’re going.

    And if you love someone as deeply as my friend and I do for each other, you’ll do that without hesitation.

    D.F.

    ,
    , , , , , , , ,

  • Pride

    (Updated 9/26/2023, 11/28/2023)

    For a long time, I’ve been supportive of everyone no matter who their hearts call to. Not long enough to say it’s been my whole life, because I’ve had my ignorant seasons. But long enough to know that there would be a point where I would sit and learn where I stand, or even what flag speaks to me.

    I’m still in the middle of researching ones that I’ve been suggested to by one friend, but so far I’m aware of the things I am not, and I had been before diving deeper into discovery.

    The research is important to me, because I wouldn’t claim something I’d risk changing the next day or misrepresent a choice. Not when there are people keeping theirs a secret to appease other’s egos against their own comfort.

    That’s something I can relate to heavily, outside of this topic.

    And it’s been beautiful to see people much older than me discover and even live their truths openly, regardless of what society believes, or what politics hypocritically demand too often.

    The journey will go beyond this month. This is something that means enough to me that I don’t want to treat it like a beacon of solidarity or wanting to be accepted somewhere. There are people that already love me for who I am now, what I’ve become, and how my renewed heart works.

    Surely, they will continue to love me, no matter who my heart calls for.

    D.F

    , , , , , , ,

  • Vantage Point

    (Edited 11/28/2023)

    So right after writing my last entry, something great occurred to me.

    In regards to the financial abuse side of it, I’ve been given an opportunity to have a series of things still happening for me to get away from this cycle.

    I’ll save the details, but what’s asked for is far removed from what it could have been had I been employed before recently. The other half of that can be put towards my own place again, regardless of it being a house or apartment.

    So long as no other questions regarding my history are asked, peace towards my goals are still intact. Surely they always were. All because I reminded myself that even with annoyances that deserve to be revealed, I’m still good.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if this discovery was based on venting in the last post. Pretty certain it is, not just because it’s worked in the past, but there had always been anxiety about exposure about my “financial transition period” (hereafter, FTP).

    And even if they did know, and I’m sure in time they will, what’s to lose? The victories during that have led to another one right here, and surely there are more to come. And I said before that I believe all I’ve lost will return to me.

    That’s the beauty of working through trauma and abuse. As hard as it can be, there’s that silver lining, or linings that can give you hope in what you need to maintain that new sense of love, respect, and peace that you not only desire, but will protect once it’s yours.

    For me, maybe this is the inner child/young adult me side celebrating this realization, and how it ties to others. Still worth popping bottles over.

    Not for you, “young me.” You’re getting apple juice :p

    D.F.

  • Strange Days

    (Note: This is technically a two-parter. Part two premiers this Wednesday.)


    Sometimes I catch myself in one heavy feeling. I hate that I’m the one that’s still here, not for lack of trying to get away from the triangulation that I had become adjusted to in previous seasons.

    Losing thousands of dollars to stay in a place wrapped in nearly every form of abuse that can be imagined, when it could have been set to be free from it all.

    Hearing complaints disguised as advice about assisting here and there, while secretly managing your own wellness to get to the life that I’ll eventually have.

    And knowing that when I’m gone from this place, so long as I’m in close range, they’ll always find a way to make me the scapegoat.

    The rage is valid. Its application though, must be controlled.

    And sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I finally lost it. Then I remind myself of what’s been built and what I’ve reclaimed. Those things that I wanted for years, but never had the time or courage to do it.

    Another reason that stops me, is not wanting fake victims to play off being real ones. They’ve won for so long, and I know they don’t deserve it anymore. Does this mean my own peaceful win will be huge enough to damage their streak?

    I hope so.

    All that I’ve learned and shared on here has done me well in a number of fields. Whatever it’s leading to in the long run must be the grandest victory I could ever have over these people I’ve shared too much with. People that don’t deserve my new definition of love, respect, and peace.

    And that’s why it hurts to still be here. Despite all my efforts to leave for good, and because I’m the only one that wants a break from the status quo, that is why.

    I shake at the idea of who I would have been if I didn’t start writing all of this out. Keeping it in and exploding it in a way that would shatter everything I’ve wanted, and most of it I have (again).

    And some days, it’s easy to chill that fire.

    Some.

    Again, the rage is valid. It’s the application that determines my future.

    D.F.

    , , , , , , , , ,

  • The Conqueror

    (Edited 11/28/2023)

    So that meeting I talked about last time? I said there were multiple points that paralleled with my MH journey, and while I led with one that impacted me the most, that doesn’t deflate the other one I’ll cover here.

    This also happened later in the meeting with so much info shared about homeownership. I mentioned how scary the entire thing was to get into, and my friend the rep said to not think of it as scary, but unknown.

    It’s true in both realms. I’ve imagined having an apartment for so long that I saw homeownership as a far-off, even impossible feat to manage because of realistic, and anxiety-inspired circumstances.

    On the MH side, I often had myself to lean on in the darkest times, unaware of what I’d experience, or even had the courage to feel in this new view of my world, and anyone still in it.

    I see both sides as being connected to each other in unique ways. It took years of MH education and healing to get me to believe that it was worth exploring the homebuying opportunity. I also had to believe that it was worth the time to educate myself on what options are out there for me.

    This can apply to other areas of life that are unknown to us, yet tied to what we want for ourselves for our future.

    It even reminds of me of a moment from a game, where a son is telling his father that he’ll be leaving on his own. The father asks if he was scared. The son nodded, and the father assured him that’s why he must pursue his goal.

    It all ties into how the unknown isn’t meant to be feared if you view it more as a time to educate and apply what you’ve learned into action. There are plenty of things that are unknown to me, along with things that I need refreshers on.

    But even if I forget this rephrasing of the emotion in any moment, fears are meant to be conquered. The unknown asks only to be understood in order to make informed decisions on what is right for you.

    D.F.

    , , , , , ,