The Brighter the Picture

(Edited 11/28/2023)

For the first time since starting the blog, I wrote an entry simply for myself.

It’s a more unfiltered venting about things that have been on my mind, and have shared to some level throughout many posts. It’s like what happened with a previous entry weeks ago, only not caring for grammar regulation.

Sometimes that’s what’s needed. That need to get stuff out of you that doesn’t need to be dressed up formally for anyone. Even that private entry is a reminder of how I can’t go most days without cussing about something or someone.

But you need those times where you have to release things at the rawest level, or close enough to it without taking it out on your device of choice.

It’s as freeing as the other public entries were and are, even though I’ll admit they’re watered down from what else I could say. But I know where the inspiration of those kinds of voices comes from.

I’ve done my best not to mimic them again already. Soon enough, the personal inspirations will know how and why.

One other thing I did like about it is that I can return to it and pick parts out for more separate entries. I even mention that in there, towards the cooldown point of my wall of ranting.

Whenever the next one happens, I’ll have this first one to thank for reminding me how I’m not without the choice of private outlets that tie into the public ones.

Until then, let the water be drank, workouts be done, and meds taken.

And clocking into work. Yeah, that’s important, too 🙂

D.F.

(Edited 11/28/2023)

Some of you already know who I am outside of this page. Mostly by choice, since I know these are people that understand why I have to keep things a secret. Some of this is bleeding into other sites I manage, and I have thought countless times what it’ll be like if I finally reveal it on a particular friends list.

Some are already in a field of mental health and wellness, either personally or professionally. They may agree and add their own experiences to posts, just as others have between here and on the IG sibling site.

Part of me still has that feeling of retaliation when an alert says someone replied. It used to depend on who it is, but the more more problematic ones are gone now.

All that’s left now is facing the remnants of emotions they left behind and not carry them over to people that are truly helpful and supportive.

On the funny yet eye-rolling side, some will catch on to the media titles most of these will reference and say “[insert title] would be a better choice.”

Right. Because I’m writing this for your approval, and not for the years of repeatedly bending to someone else’s comforts. But thanks for the future title to use! [Insert snappy insult]

Others may realize that I’m deeper than just sharing memes relative to what I’ve said on here. I’d never say that I’m “deep” to someone. For me it gives off the “I’m a nice [person]” vibe that’s already a flag in specific cases.

Then I think of the times I was fearful of exposure from the beginning, like me saying this to the wrong person or people and have it used against me. To some degree, I’m still afraid of that, since one of them has since become the inspiration to a few older posts. Chances are they won’t, so as the phrase goes, “bless their heart.”

Finally, the outright unpredictable reaction. One that I won’t see coming, and either can be a shot in the dark or a kiss. I prefer the latter.

Whatever comes of that day, should it happen, I know that the decision to show this to a wider audience will be from an informed place.

But now I’m thinking that the things I’ve already talked about on those platforms have been attractive and polarizing enough. Aside from familial references through this which one will definitely catch on to, it’ll be what it’ll be.

And as the classic saying goes, and I’m certain I’ve said here before:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”

D.F.

Today was the day that started it all. The day that started with employment, and ended with being ready for the opposite and move quickly in the changes.

No one affected by the lay-off could have expected it, and most found something similar to what we were previously doing. I kept running into scams and legit positions that required things I couldn’t provide. The longer it went, the more uncomfortable things became.

There’s no way I could have predicted the start of this blog back then. Survival mode will do that to you. How long I had to stick to that mode makes today more appreciated for surviving it in every way imaginable.

Without it, I would not have reclaimed the time I lost in providing for others first. I wouldn’t approach or remove people based on the energy they gave in repeated moments. I wouldn’t have dug even deeper into what’s been right and wrong with me, and people around me.

Without it, I would not have found myself.

So whatever’s next for me in this new job and after it, I’ll do my best to remember what’s happened in the time in-between, and let it add to the continued growth that I wanted for myself for a long time.

D.F.