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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Barricade
(Edited 11/28/2023)
For a time, I honestly felt like starting this new job would affect keeping up with the blog. As far as the IG counterpart goes, it kinda did even before day one.
But so far, I’ve written two new entries between 2AM-4AM of a Sunday morning over a week from when this will be posted.
Part of it is because of an active day that led to a nap that lasted longer than expected. Not complaining, since the time is well spent on this, and other things without interruptions.
I’m also reminded of many times I wrote whenever I had the spirit for it, regardless of what time it was or how tired I felt. It’s led to either currently live posts, mini-notes for future posts, or drafts I’ve yet to review again.
And even if the inspiration to write comes during my shift, that’s what the phone notepad is for. Though I need to dig back into most of those, because there’s a lot to last more months.
So, this is my way of saying that I’ll have no excuse to write anything. Even if it’s only for myself. Given how long I’ve been at this, I’d have to have a great reason to stop while still being alive long enough to keep at it.
What are some things you feel you no longer have the time for, no matter how good they make or made you feel? Is it because your schedule prevents you from doing it as much as you did? Is it something deeper than that?Take your time in finding out what it is. What you love to do, and what loves you for tending to it, will always find a way back to each other.
D.F. -
Superstar
(Edited 11/28/2023)
Can’t help but start off sounding like a commercial:
“If you, or someone you know, have awareness and/or admiration for certain celebrities, their declaration of having mental health journeys may be right for you!”
Celebrities, often regarded by citizens as higher beings, range from those who keep to themselves and lean into that belief, and those who freely and honestly speak about their trials.
They might even talk about who they’ve pretended to be just to get and stay away from any pain they’ve faced and facing. As far as actors may go, as if they’re playing a role just to keep getting ones.
To many of us that are private citizens, especially with work and definitely family, that can be relatable.
It’s even down to seeing more people older than you talking about what steps they’ve taken to start their healing. Celebrity or not, the message hits differently from anyone from that generation speaking their truths about mental health. Mostly because of being affected by others in their demographic acting in the opposite.
Overall, I like that more celebrities are coming out to declare how okay it is to breathe, take the 5-4-3-2-1 Method, seek help, and ultimately greet the part of you that’s on the other side the consideration, or even fear of healing. That way, even if you’re not aiming to be on the Walk of Fame, you’ll still be your own star.
D.F.
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Breaking Point
(Updated 11/28/2023)
It takes being in a recurring amount of pain with someone to realize why it hurts as bad as it can get. Specifically when they have close access to you and whatever free time you have, and they take that knowledge to have you serve them.
Sure you have your moments of sickness that make you unavailable to even yourself. They may honor that. But any other time that doesn’t involve physical health even to the point of hospitalization, you’re the one on-call.
But if you have a request for them that’s priceless, simple words that could benefit any emotional growth that can happen in them and for those close to them, it will remain in their “to do” pile, never to be touched.
They might even wait for a time to shame you for your beliefs towards people outside of the statement. More proof that their ego means more that your stability. Their need to keep the status quo towers your demands for change.
After any amount of time that you deal with this, you have the right to be done with them.
You don’t deserve to be near anyone that refuses to change their behavior when it’s (knowingly) hurting you consistently.
You don’t need to keep your phone on DND to primarily spite them.
You don’t have to waste words on them any longer that they choose to use against you, because they’re above being stood up against.
Do all that you can to create and hold your boundaries. Make them as subtle or as loud as your situation(s) can grant you. The things you want in your own life are on the other side of the invasive thoughts that those people inspire. You deserve better, even if they do not want to see that truth.
D.F.
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Drive-Thru
(Edited 11/28/2023)
How long have you heard about food being a tie to your emotions? Stuff about better quality meaning better moods. Sadly it can’t always be done without a stable income, or having access to places that meet it.
Even with budgeting for healthier food, that “comfort food” feeling comes up to avoid meal prepping, choosing what’s under a heat lamp instead. Though the potential wait time in any fast food line can equal what could be made.
It’s been hard to hold the healthy line for the last few months, given the lower budget I had to deal with until recently. Still praising all the free and local resources, and hopefully remain there for people that are still struggling.
Not saying that I’m “well off.” Far from it. But better than how things were before.
And with all the job matters, multiple caretaking duties, and time management with my therapist since last year, my overall health had its ups and downs. Ones that sometimes affected what I wanted to do, what I wanted to say, and how I needed to say them.
It didn’t matter if I was hungry, thirsty while confusing it as hunger, or overate any quick fixes. I found myself revisiting an old relationship with food that was based on new means of functionality and survival.
There were even times that I’m in the line thinking “you shouldn’t be here, but…”
I don’t want to come off as someone who shames anyone for reaching out to your favorite snacks and more. You’re fine to have anything in moderation, and that’s what I was lacking control of. Treats became every (other) day, regardless if I was picking up meds or caretaking. It was a love/hate relationship.
And I remember the time that I did much better, though in hindsight I was starving myself by relying on special shakes and more. These were similar words by a dietician, too. At least now whenever I go back to the way of the shake, it’ll be with experience on what not to do to myself again.
So I’ll be, or by the time you read this, have been doing better regulating the cravings for certain burgers and nuggets. Money towards them already has a history of paying for a supply versus a portion. At least that way there’s methods to soften the blow the outside food industry is proud to be guilty of.
If you’re in the same lane of wanting to feel and eat better, do it based on your circumstances. Be honest with where you are, what you know you can do, and to not be discouraged by wherever you feel like you backslid.
It’s no different from the mindset of the mental health journey. Just consider the food aspect of it a side order.
D.F.
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The Good Book
(Edited 11/28/2023)
First day on the new clock offered an experience I did not see coming.
I’m always one to take notes when I can, and if I feel like it. I knew I’d need to. So I reached for the best book I could think of to take them in, and in a few turns of its pages, I couldn’t help but stop myself from crying.
For months, this book held notes for much of the job searching that I dealt with. Each day it was used, was another round of uncertainty. Not knowing when it would end, and how. It was a book that held a lot of fear and anger.
But that day, it became something new. Better things were going into it now. Doesn’t matter for how long it may be this way. The weight I put into it was lifted. And I’m glad I was on mute during that orientation when it happened.
Sometimes you get that moment where you can reframe an uncomfortable time into a good one. It may be through a physical or emotional connection, even both. It’s important to not dread how long the good feeling will last, too.
Life will be full of them when you give it the time and grace to surprise you with healthier reframes. If you take the time to think back in your own life, they may certainly exist.From there lies the promise that more are coming.
D.F. -
Something to Talk About
Talking with the right people about your viewpoints on mental health and DV is educational. It can show you who’s comfortable enough with that discussion based on their own journey, and can trade notes with each other on how to label certain behaviors.
Talking with the wrong people is its own line of education, too. They remind most of who they were and what not to be again, while teaching others what not to be, period.
The more you share and leave things open for conversation, the better your own growth becomes so that you can find safe and well-minded connections. You’ll always be surprised who wants in, and who wishes you weren’t into it, but your peace of mind and protection matters the most.
D.F.
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Going Back
(Edited 11/28/2023)
For some of us, the mind wanders back to people that are long removed from our lives. People we cut off, or they cut us off, both with little or no chance of reconnection.
We might think about how things could be in this new season of your own growth away from them. Quicker with jokes, deeper in topics that keep the connections exciting for the long run, anything to cause some serotonin to briefly forget the reality with the old ties.
For some of us, we risk or succeed in backsliding. I know that I’ve come dangerously close to doing that with some. Others are a hard “NO,” and I feel like they are the inspirations to keep that same energy with the lesser ones.
I want to believe that these thoughts of alternate histories are a recollection of what I enjoyed about the past with those people, but can and have been found with current, new, and safer ones.
The new connections can add so much more than the past ones could ever have hoped to, while also reflecting the person we’ve grown to be. Especially in contrast to people that dismissed or even ghosted us long ago for who we were.
But as far as the ones we may, or do think of, maintain the place they’ve earned in your heart. Even if they’ve changed for the better, we’re not in a place to bring them back and be proven wrong (again).
This can go the other way around, and that on its own can help us stay better for those we unconditionally love, and for ourselves.
D.F.
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Free Guy
Anxiety often inspires writing these posts.
Like it draws out something that I may have talked about before, and then gives more that I forgot about. I even feel like I brought that up in a previous entry. The memory between repurposed drafts and same-day writings blend together.
But having this page left behind in case of any life changes is still a great feeling, even if sometimes I write stuff down in hopes of getting to a point, like I am now.
Or maybe this is a good time to freestyle instead.
At least this way, I’m not feeling like I’m forcing myself to be on topic every time.
Sometimes I have to air out things that are formless but still impactful, and the impactful things hurt enough to wonder when and how will they end?
Much as I wish I was an overnight success at everything I’ve built towards, the very things I have made for myself leading up to orientation* still speak well towards something I can’t see yet, but months from now I will love that I started when, how, and why I did.
And trust that there’s plenty of topics based on the multiple affects worth writing about.
For now, I’m letting the mind be free.
D.F.
*this was written days before the orientation for the new job, which by the time of this posting will have been a week or more.
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Deep Impact
Sometimes, when you’re on a healing regimen that fits your needs, you get reminded of people close to you that need to know that you’re there for them. Genuinely there, not out of any form of selfishness.
I had that deep reminder recently. Even with my (old) troubles, no excuse can erase what time I could have spent to check in on specific people. But the opportunity to be better is what I will adopt as best as I can.
The ego, however, wants to be loud in asking, “did they check in on you?” I know where that ego comes from, and who I settled on it.
Unlearning it has been quite a feat even prior to this, and sometimes it doesn’t completely go away. You just learn how to silence it in favor of who you truly want to be. Who you want others to remember you being.Even the answer to that question can be a question itself:
“Did you give them a reason to be the type of person to reach out to?”
For them, I didn’t. It didn’t have to be said, but I look back and know why I felt it. Their recent words confirmed that, and as the saying goes, “changed behavior is an apology.”As long as I can silence that part of me that feels it’s too late, or that I should feel guilty for not being better for others that deserve my heart, I know I can change the role I’ve unintentionally played.
And if for some reason I slip, I’ll be in a place to be called out for it, and not get defensive.D.F.
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The Outsiders
You can’ expect someone to show up for you even after you’ve done that for them repeatedly. If you mattered that much, they would match your energy in movement, instead of being comfortable in dismissing you.
You’ll find more happiness not expecting them in the places that matter to you the most.
Even if they surprise you by showing up later on, keep moving in your greatness as if they were never there. You showing up for you means more than anything they could ever match.
D. F.
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