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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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(Poetry Break)
It’s not that we don’t remember the pain.
It’s not that we’ve erased the legitimate good laughs.
It’s that you deny the pain from happening.
That you’re consistent with letting the joy outweigh the pain.
Any gift we give won’t be as strong as gifting ourselves with healing.
The kind we stopped hoping you’d discover and hold,
And claimed for our futures more than yours.
No gift you give will mean as much as a priceless one.
One where we believe your claims of love,
And not the ones masking our tears.
D.F. -
Ready for War
(Edited 11/28/2023)
Some of you already know who I am outside of this page. Mostly by choice, since I know these are people that understand why I have to keep things a secret. Some of this is bleeding into other sites I manage, and I have thought countless times what it’ll be like if I finally reveal it on a particular friends list.
Some are already in a field of mental health and wellness, either personally or professionally. They may agree and add their own experiences to posts, just as others have between here and on the IG sibling site.
Part of me still has that feeling of retaliation when an alert says someone replied. It used to depend on who it is, but the more more problematic ones are gone now.All that’s left now is facing the remnants of emotions they left behind and not carry them over to people that are truly helpful and supportive.
On the funny yet eye-rolling side, some will catch on to the media titles most of these will reference and say “[insert title] would be a better choice.”Right. Because I’m writing this for your approval, and not for the years of repeatedly bending to someone else’s comforts. But thanks for the future title to use! [Insert snappy insult]
Others may realize that I’m deeper than just sharing memes relative to what I’ve said on here. I’d never say that I’m “deep” to someone. For me it gives off the “I’m a nice [person]” vibe that’s already a flag in specific cases.
Then I think of the times I was fearful of exposure from the beginning, like me saying this to the wrong person or people and have it used against me. To some degree, I’m still afraid of that, since one of them has since become the inspiration to a few older posts. Chances are they won’t, so as the phrase goes, “bless their heart.”
Finally, the outright unpredictable reaction. One that I won’t see coming, and either can be a shot in the dark or a kiss. I prefer the latter.
Whatever comes of that day, should it happen, I know that the decision to show this to a wider audience will be from an informed place.
But now I’m thinking that the things I’ve already talked about on those platforms have been attractive and polarizing enough. Aside from familial references through this which one will definitely catch on to, it’ll be what it’ll be.
And as the classic saying goes, and I’m certain I’ve said here before:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
D.F.
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Changes
I used to be such a hopeful person when I would feel wronged by someone, hoping that they’d realize how they hurt me on their own and correcting that. This, coupled with fearing the backlash from me telling them what they did wrong, had me in situations often worse than the last ones.
Letting them go feels easier than playing the emotional guessing game each time you risk interacting with them, or even seeing them treat others differently.
Reframing it to remind yourself how much self-love you have and have gained is another way to face that pain. Loving yourself without crossing the line of narcissism is its own gift. One you’ve earned after all you’ve survived.
D.F. -
Prime Target
The frequent reminder that you’re only loved when you provide for someone is why I’ve had a long time trusting anyone’s “love” for me.
Things got better when I didn’t push that feeling onto anyone else, and only associated it with people that may never learn how destructive they are when that happens.
Currently, only one person has done this. Stopped for a while after publicly addressing this in a shorter and non-labeling form, but it’s come back recently. I’m tempted to say something to them about it, but the history of addressing their behavior is uncomfortable at best.
It’s times like this that I wonder what they’d do if or when they and others learn about this page, and know that much of the heavy topics are about them and the behaviors they refuse to change.
But I won’t be surprised if they get angry for doing this inner work after years of them believing they’re successful in suppressing me.
If I waited for any people like them to change, my healing would have suffered as much as it did before I started. Even more now that I’m older, forced to take the arguably smart road by no longer engaging them directly, and share more memes dedicated to better emotional maturity.
Along with that, I work to keep growing to a point where they can’t deny how different I am from them. Even when they prove themselves to be jealous of me doing the work, which one has more than others.
Part of me is sad about that for all of them. But I’ve wasted enough sadness on people refusing to change. And they’ll know that even more when I don’t have to co-exist with them any more than I currently do.
D.F. -
It’s Kind of a Funny Story
Today was the day that started it all. The day that started with employment, and ended with being ready for the opposite and move quickly in the changes.
No one affected by the lay-off could have expected it, and most found something similar to what we were previously doing. I kept running into scams and legit positions that required things I couldn’t provide. The longer it went, the more uncomfortable things became.
There’s no way I could have predicted the start of this blog back then. Survival mode will do that to you. How long I had to stick to that mode makes today more appreciated for surviving it in every way imaginable.
Without it, I would not have reclaimed the time I lost in providing for others first. I wouldn’t approach or remove people based on the energy they gave in repeated moments. I wouldn’t have dug even deeper into what’s been right and wrong with me, and people around me.
Without it, I would not have found myself.
So whatever’s next for me in this new job and after it, I’ll do my best to remember what’s happened in the time in-between, and let it add to the continued growth that I wanted for myself for a long time.
D.F. -
The Pacifier
(Edited 11/28/2023)
Some of you can imagine a time where you shared a space with someone that demanded your emotions to remain hidden. Some of you may still share that space with them, like I do.
They may make comments about you laughing at something, anything citing joy. But silencing your rage is high on their hit list.
It’s as if the oppressor either doesn’t want that for you, or risk having it directed to them. When in reality, they’re making it easy for that judgment to sit on their name, despite their best toxic efforts.
This attempt of control can lead to damaging thoughts if they’re not cared for properly. And if they don’t want you to feel anger about anything, what good are words to them stating that what they’re doing is wrong?
Distance really is the best option for people like this.They will say anything they can to keep you on their leash, but even they have to know that once you’ve declared how fed up you are, there’s no stopping how you feel. Now you’re just redirecting the anger made from them never willing to change, and using it to change (their role in) your life.
If they can’t handle your feelings, if they’d rather you be a doll or a punching bag for their insecurities, then they have to prepare for the day you limit or deny them any access to you.
They can be as angry as they want to be about that future. It’s the only form of it they wish to exist, compared to yours. And chances are, it’s why they’ll earn the right to be alone in their pain.It may be the only way they’ll step up to making amends and hold themselves accountable for why you’re in a constant fury, especially when/if you’re around them.
Meanwhile, whatever makes you angry about them, acknowledge it. Your experiences are real, and they are yours to learn how to be better than them from each event.
One way or another, they’ll either regret hurting you this way and change, or regret quietly and move onto the next “punching bag.”
From there, the best way to hit them back is from a safe distance, and the success made while keeping it.
D.F.
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Barricade
(Edited 11/28/2023)
For a time, I honestly felt like starting this new job would affect keeping up with the blog. As far as the IG counterpart goes, it kinda did even before day one.
But so far, I’ve written two new entries between 2AM-4AM of a Sunday morning over a week from when this will be posted.
Part of it is because of an active day that led to a nap that lasted longer than expected. Not complaining, since the time is well spent on this, and other things without interruptions.
I’m also reminded of many times I wrote whenever I had the spirit for it, regardless of what time it was or how tired I felt. It’s led to either currently live posts, mini-notes for future posts, or drafts I’ve yet to review again.
And even if the inspiration to write comes during my shift, that’s what the phone notepad is for. Though I need to dig back into most of those, because there’s a lot to last more months.
So, this is my way of saying that I’ll have no excuse to write anything. Even if it’s only for myself. Given how long I’ve been at this, I’d have to have a great reason to stop while still being alive long enough to keep at it.
What are some things you feel you no longer have the time for, no matter how good they make or made you feel? Is it because your schedule prevents you from doing it as much as you did? Is it something deeper than that?Take your time in finding out what it is. What you love to do, and what loves you for tending to it, will always find a way back to each other.
D.F. -
Superstar
(Edited 11/28/2023)
Can’t help but start off sounding like a commercial:
“If you, or someone you know, have awareness and/or admiration for certain celebrities, their declaration of having mental health journeys may be right for you!”
Celebrities, often regarded by citizens as higher beings, range from those who keep to themselves and lean into that belief, and those who freely and honestly speak about their trials.
They might even talk about who they’ve pretended to be just to get and stay away from any pain they’ve faced and facing. As far as actors may go, as if they’re playing a role just to keep getting ones.
To many of us that are private citizens, especially with work and definitely family, that can be relatable.
It’s even down to seeing more people older than you talking about what steps they’ve taken to start their healing. Celebrity or not, the message hits differently from anyone from that generation speaking their truths about mental health. Mostly because of being affected by others in their demographic acting in the opposite.
Overall, I like that more celebrities are coming out to declare how okay it is to breathe, take the 5-4-3-2-1 Method, seek help, and ultimately greet the part of you that’s on the other side the consideration, or even fear of healing. That way, even if you’re not aiming to be on the Walk of Fame, you’ll still be your own star.
D.F.
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Breaking Point
(Updated 11/28/2023)
It takes being in a recurring amount of pain with someone to realize why it hurts as bad as it can get. Specifically when they have close access to you and whatever free time you have, and they take that knowledge to have you serve them.
Sure you have your moments of sickness that make you unavailable to even yourself. They may honor that. But any other time that doesn’t involve physical health even to the point of hospitalization, you’re the one on-call.
But if you have a request for them that’s priceless, simple words that could benefit any emotional growth that can happen in them and for those close to them, it will remain in their “to do” pile, never to be touched.
They might even wait for a time to shame you for your beliefs towards people outside of the statement. More proof that their ego means more that your stability. Their need to keep the status quo towers your demands for change.
After any amount of time that you deal with this, you have the right to be done with them.
You don’t deserve to be near anyone that refuses to change their behavior when it’s (knowingly) hurting you consistently.
You don’t need to keep your phone on DND to primarily spite them.
You don’t have to waste words on them any longer that they choose to use against you, because they’re above being stood up against.
Do all that you can to create and hold your boundaries. Make them as subtle or as loud as your situation(s) can grant you. The things you want in your own life are on the other side of the invasive thoughts that those people inspire. You deserve better, even if they do not want to see that truth.
D.F.
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Drive-Thru
(Edited 11/28/2023)
How long have you heard about food being a tie to your emotions? Stuff about better quality meaning better moods. Sadly it can’t always be done without a stable income, or having access to places that meet it.
Even with budgeting for healthier food, that “comfort food” feeling comes up to avoid meal prepping, choosing what’s under a heat lamp instead. Though the potential wait time in any fast food line can equal what could be made.
It’s been hard to hold the healthy line for the last few months, given the lower budget I had to deal with until recently. Still praising all the free and local resources, and hopefully remain there for people that are still struggling.
Not saying that I’m “well off.” Far from it. But better than how things were before.
And with all the job matters, multiple caretaking duties, and time management with my therapist since last year, my overall health had its ups and downs. Ones that sometimes affected what I wanted to do, what I wanted to say, and how I needed to say them.
It didn’t matter if I was hungry, thirsty while confusing it as hunger, or overate any quick fixes. I found myself revisiting an old relationship with food that was based on new means of functionality and survival.
There were even times that I’m in the line thinking “you shouldn’t be here, but…”
I don’t want to come off as someone who shames anyone for reaching out to your favorite snacks and more. You’re fine to have anything in moderation, and that’s what I was lacking control of. Treats became every (other) day, regardless if I was picking up meds or caretaking. It was a love/hate relationship.
And I remember the time that I did much better, though in hindsight I was starving myself by relying on special shakes and more. These were similar words by a dietician, too. At least now whenever I go back to the way of the shake, it’ll be with experience on what not to do to myself again.
So I’ll be, or by the time you read this, have been doing better regulating the cravings for certain burgers and nuggets. Money towards them already has a history of paying for a supply versus a portion. At least that way there’s methods to soften the blow the outside food industry is proud to be guilty of.
If you’re in the same lane of wanting to feel and eat better, do it based on your circumstances. Be honest with where you are, what you know you can do, and to not be discouraged by wherever you feel like you backslid.
It’s no different from the mindset of the mental health journey. Just consider the food aspect of it a side order.
D.F.
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