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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Time
People are going to surprise you in the most beautiful, shocking, vibrant, horrifying, and magnificent ways. Surprising yourself is part of that. Whether it’s a onetime action or a consistent one, we choose to do what we feel is right, often without concern of the effects it will have on anyone.
I always think about the times people surprise me in those ways I mentioned, wondering if they do the same. If what they did in the right still feels good to them, or if they’re aware that they insulted another.And I try not to. When the brain’s not active on something in the present, it will risk rumination. It can still happen, more if it’s based on repetitive hurts from the same people. It’s happened in the middle of writing many of these entries.
The rumination is something I’ve learned how to quiet for a while when the moment calls for it, but the slips still get heavy. Surprising in its haunting ways. When those moments pass, it takes a bit to not beat myself up about it. Just to learn that the hurt that inspired it is worth managing a different way.
The way I’ve relearned how to manage those thoughts has been a mix of remembering the kinder times people surprised me with their love and support. Either in a few words, prayers, a positive or funny meme/video, anything.
Those memories matter just as much as the others that inspire boundaries. The type of boundaries based on those that act kind, until they don’t. Disrespecting your emotions, your intellect, with no sign of stopping even when they’re told what they did to hurt me.
Setting your own boundaries are a significant form of self-love. It’s almost aligned with the love that we can receive from genuine people, friends, and family. It’s a great way to continue surprising yourself, too.
D.F.
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Ma
CW: Domestic abuse
Mothers, in the biological sense, are the ones that brought many of us into this life. There’s no denying that. From there, they become an influence on how we interact with people throughout our lives.
Some of us are fortunate to have a mother that can recognize their own toxic patterns and actively do better for themselves and their family.
Some may even open up and tell you how they were treated, and hope they don’t repeat those patterns on to you.
But they are still human. With humanity comes the fallacy of being perfect and devoid of judgment. What they do with that realization can define all of their relationships. Especially if they have children of any age.
Pray for the child that will never hear an apology for any abuse the mother is guilty of. Even if they slowed down their history of being physical, their mental attacks can cut deeper. Often reminding you who they choose to be, while confirming what they are in the back of your mind and under your breath.
The mothers that have grown past their trauma, you are respected and loved to the highest form. As the most socially recognized protectors of your children, it is your duty to make sure their struggles and darkness is defended by you, and not coming from you.
All of this can apply to fathers as well. But one group at a time.
D.F. -
Down to Earth
The top reason I’ve created this blog is because tomorrow isn’t promised. Whatever happens to me in the future, I want something left behind of me that said that I believed in myself. That I believed in gaining something better than the toxic uncertainty of my current environments.
I want this to show that there’s progress to be had and made from confronting and being open about my perspective of the past and present. One that others refuse to acknowledge ever happening, even with proof.Being more open in these thoughts, as well as my self-respect in the last six months of this being made, has shown me who’s worth celebrating for sticking with me in these years of growth that led to this blog’s creation.
For the last couple of days, I’ve been thinking about what I may do beyond this month. Start a new format, maybe even talk more about the positives that are in life, because they truly do exist.
That, and because I can only write and remix some of the same thoughts repeatedly for so long. Even the remixes are often based on new thoughts that failed to come out in previous related entries.
Emotional growth, though, is a series of fluctuating, chaotic waves. The deeper it goes, the more memories can surface that you never considered being part of a decades-long problem. Problems you refuse to add to, or distribute elsewhere.
So with that, it’s best for me to not change the format. Worry for me if I stop sharing what I’ve worked hard to summon the courage to do in any form, on any site.
Some of you don’t even know my name, age, gender, sex, any of that. And you’re still here, for reasons I would love for you to share with me. It’ll help me know that I’m doing something more than just putting likable words together.
From the beginning, and in the end, I’m not doing this just for me. I’m doing this for anyone that was in the same place that I was for a good portion of my life until six months ago. To finally find, or even let that inner voice out, the one that wants to speak up on issues, at the chance of encouraging others to do the same, and even begin a conversation.
Some of my favorite talks with friends and occasionally strangers revolved around the topics presented here. I hope that never stops. Because even if I have to slow down posting because of a mix of both desired and unforeseen life changes, stopping won’t be an option.
But trust that when I need a break, I will do my best to announce that I need it. You, the people who’ve followed me for so long, deserve to know that.
As always, thank you for being here with me. It means more than I can even put into words.
D.F.
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Spawn
And now, for the children. Naturally, the ones that can navigate to this and take in what I’m saying.
Your feelings are valid. The pains and joys you’ve chosen to share with safer people are allowed. Anyone that forces you to treat them that way is behind you, or will be when that time comes.
Some of you have even heard things like “s/he’s your (insert family label)” your entire lives, or the blanket statement of “we’re family.” It’s often from people that grew into that life so deeply, anything countering it gets treated as heresy.
If you can’t avoid it, let them speak. It’s hard enough to “grey rock” or firewall direct toxic statements from parents, family friends, and/or older relatives. But if you feel the need to speak out in the moment, do so with the same level of safety that you may have to with the others I mentioned.
You have every right to feel emotionally exhausted from defending your healing, whether you’re new or a veteran like me. The opponents won’t understand you. They may even hate you for being this way.
Let them.
You are growing into everything they could have been for you. Deep inside, they know it, and they’ll know that you know they know it, all because of how you walk around them. And if you haven’t already, how you’ll walk away from them.
D.F.
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The Parent Hood
I have a varied list of readers that appear on here and on IG. Some that I personally know in different ways, others I do not.
But this entry will be dedicated to anyone that is a parent, whether it’s by biology, by law, and other means.
I hope that you’re the type of parents that loves your children unconditionally. If they can’t give you anything you ask for, never shame them for it, or hold it against them at some later date. This is an effective way for them to learn how to love others because of your example, and never grow to redefine it in spite of you.
If there’s a reason they are uncomfortable around you, own up to it. Find it within yourselves to correct it and stay in that correction. Your children will keep receipts of your (mis)deeds more accurately than anyone outside the family. And that kind of ink never dries.
Listen to them when they want and need to be seen and heard. Too many shut themselves in around their parents because others want them to speak their mind safely. If you are not a safe space for them, pray they find one that doesn’t lead them to arms bearing more thorns than yours.
If you wish to share your troubles, do so with sincerity. No ulterior motives, no guilt trips, just a pure declaration that you’re willing to understand what you’re going through. They are your children, solely meant to be anything but your emotional punching bags. Pray they don’t learn how to hit back without lifting a finger.
Surely there’s more to say, but it’s enough to let those already doing the healthy thing to agree or add on to. Anyone on the opposite end is in their right to feel differently, just as it’s their children’s right to act accordingly to their feelings towards them.
D.F.
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Solo
It’s been a long time since I have dated someone exclusively. There were a surprising amount of dates, more than I even could have expected as I entered my healing saga.
But even as some stand on varied levels of friendship, and another I completely dismissed, I knew something. As uncomfortable being by myself is on a romantic level, this is also the time I needed to get other things in order.For a long time, even with signs of attraction from others and more, I convinced myself that nothing solid would come my way during that developmental period.
Someone pleasantly proved me wrong, but I’ll leave it at that.
There’s always that time many go through where they are alone in the romantic realm. Not all of us can reframe it as one to develop and let the surprises come naturally. It’s harder when there are those of mutual interest who are states, or even time zones away from each other. But love always makes things work at the right time.
D.F.
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Wanted
I’ve meant to add pictures to my posts for a long time now. Some of what I’ve written is based on some, mixed with personal stories they remind me of.
This picture came up in a group I’m in. It took some time to gather the right words together, but here was my answer:
“I always find a way to blend humor into dramatic talks, taking the latter seriously when needed to. Not being shy about creativity….Respecting boundaries and holding accountability on both sides, and comfortably being the student and teacher in anything regarding mental health.”It’s a reasonable guess mixed with being told things by others on a platonic and romantic end. Even if it may have been more than what they asked for.
It almost reads like a dating profile intro. I’m many years removed from that way of life.
Anyway, let’s break it all down with details.
I do my best to add some humor to my posts on here, but I can’t be blamed for leaning into what I’m feeling when they’re written. Everywhere else, the humor is needed for myself and others to digest the opposite better.
The creativity part has been apparent with each post up to now, given the title spins on obscure and blatant media nods. Sometimes I have to break a theme I’m making, but as long as the message is out, I’m good.
Boundaries and accountability are important. With one, you protect your peace in ways that will make the stiffest narcissistic and toxic people spin their heads, Regan MacNeil style. Same with accountability, but both can be treated as an attack by those threated by either.
And you can’t go through life believing that you know everything. If you do, you’re more of a problem than the person you demean for lacking your intellect. Sadly, some people either are okay with that, or refuse to be told that about themselves.
I’m certain there are other reason, but I’ll leave that up to the ones that know me outside of this page. Hopefully, you’re taken time to think of an answer for yourself.
D.F.
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In the House
Something I learned recently that had me go back to a previous entry. It’s one about learning how the patterns you wish to break reflect ones of narcissists and toxic people. But there’s something extra to add to that.
First, imagine having a collection of items on your desk or nightstand, ranging from things of sentimental value to ones that need special disposal, like dead batteries. Then you see a similar mess on your partner, or even parent’s furniture, like a TV stand.
This isn’t far from the truth about what happened to me recently. I started believing that I was no better than them, so other toxic traits may as well be true, too. Some have been.
Taking a more active motion in changing that has been important for a long time. It comes in pieces, but the more they glue together, the closer you get to being far removed from people that you’ve unknowingly modeled yourself after.
So what if even a part of your room or house is a mess? Take your time in changing that, just as it’s important to do that with your mind and body. Do it in a way that announces your rise into everything you know you are. Ignore the others that influenced your old self, but take their actions as lessons, not barricades.
Maybe then, you’ll see even the little similarities as healthier character traits, and not gateways to being the old you. Or in a more uncomfortable sense, the current them.
D.F. -
Family Matters
The first ideas of love in every way comes from family. There’s no escaping it, but that’s not the end, either.
Depending on one’s circumstances, you will have the elders teach you what love can be under open-minded beliefs. You’ll have an early idea of whom to call a legitimate friend. You’ll know when to defend yourself from people that want to force friendship, or project hatred onto you.
You’ll specifically have parents that acknowledge their mistakes and switch their actions to match their words. They won’t deflect any shame onto their children, or use them as a punchline to their own friends. And they won’t hide their toxicity from new people after the old ways stop working on blood ties.
Through them, you’ll create healthy boundaries that they’ll support, especially when other authority figures come against you.
Don’t expect that luxury if you were undeniably wrong in a matter. If they’ve been stern teachers and students of accountability, they’ll tell you what you need to hear.
And going back to boundary lessons, depending on your offense, they’ll let you feel the loss of their respect and trust by any means. You’ll have the right to be sad, but hopefully you’ll understand.
Healthy family structures will also support how your heart feels in the romantic realm. They won’t ask when you’ll get a partner, of that you “need” one. Wherever you feel it is best, you’ll find no judgement, only warmth from those that love you for your choices, and will defend you even when you’re not looking.
Not everyone grows up with this progressive and safe family dynamic. Some can do it with a twist that is built on ignorance towards emotional health and growth. Or the more extremes of prejudice, bigotry, and every “-ism” or phobia you can imagine.
It’s often why many will find that “family” isn’t, and shouldn’t be limited to genetic ties. It can be a mix of that and the friends that care for you in ways others you’re born with lacked and still lack.
And if you’re one that wants a family of your own, you’ll either raise yours as a continuation of healing that you’ve had, or as a counterpoint to what you received.
In the end, family is what you choose to make of it. Choose wisely, your present and future will depend on it.
D.F.
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Cloud Atlas
Not everyone believes in the idea of a past life, where your current one is another layer of infinite ones gathering an ultimate lesson to be learned.
That’s a bit more involved than the simple, more emotionally charged thought of meeting people you feel you’ve had a past with.
Doesn’t matter how you met. You get a glance at each other and know that something is there, or something deep was there before. Or you meet because of a group of fiends and/or family that breeds constant interaction. Possibilities are vast.
Whether those connections are further explored now or in the future is determined by powers that I admit I’m not smart enough to fully explain, but still believe in.
Circumstances bring people together for as long as it’s needed to remind them of what feelings to hold on to, what to protect within you, and why repeating bad habits leaves you hurting for a long time.
Those events help you control certain thoughts and actions, release others, and may even carry the lessons to those willing to put them into their own journeys.
The rewards for shaving the gunk and rust of your experiences are worth it. From the tight hugs from long distance friends, to the deepest conversations with some of them who didn’t know that side of you, or the other way around.
It can even lead to a surprise kiss you either give or receive at any occasion. One that makes you believe that the love built from that kiss and more has the weight of lifetimes behind it.
I’ve expressed too many times on here that life is full of long lasting and surprising disappointments. But they have a way of leading you to the great times, too.
No matter how long they last, believe that they’ll return during this life either as a blessing or a lesson. Or even a reward for learning the lesson.
If not, and if you believe in past lives, you’ll have another shot at it next time around.
D.F.
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