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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Waves
Romantic emotions aren’t for everyone, and that’s okay. There are times when we have to remind ourselves of the other forms of love that exist and are expressed in a platonic form.
If you’ve of a certain audience of the internet, you’ve likely seen the list of love languages. if not, give this a look.
I’ve experienced them all in different ways, as a giver and receiver. Many lessons were learned in those times, like how not to confuse any of those languages as romantic or especially sexual attraction. The latter one can get you hurt worse, but let me not dive too deep in there.
For me, I enjoy that I’m in a place where I know what love can and should be, versus how others will weaponize it for their own means. That can make, and has made many believe that love should be conditional.
Without breaking that habit, you risk attaching to people that will continuously warp your reality. Breaking it isn’t meant for everyone, but for those that do it, they may experience emotional rollercoasters.
It’s plural because not all of them are built the same. Just like us.
But the people, or special person, that you meet during the rides are ones you want to stay attached to when they’re back to the platform.
People you’ve shared an amazing amount of laughs with.
Ones you’ll chill or cuddle with, as cross your fingers hoping they like your film choice.
Or even count a work-related event as a romantic date.
They’re worth all the rocky surfaces, rickety tracks, and rough waters that lead to reform your definition of love.
D.F. -
One on One
A close friend and I were talking recently, and I asked them if they’d like to see my newest resume. She stated in her own way that it could be sent, but wasn’t in the right mindset to look at it today. Not only did I state that I wished more people could accept answers like that, but she replied that she wished more people felt comfortable enough to say so.
“We both preaching [right now],” I replied.
It’s true though. Too many want to make requests and suggestions without any pushback. As if they’re only wired to hear “yes” in any form, and any version of “no” must be challenged or questioned.
And whey they ask why you feel a certain way, it’s done as if giving them a detailed, even passionate reason to consider your point will sit with them. Only to have them bring it back up months later to spite you, especially in front of their friends to put you on display.
This is part of a long line of reasons many of us are speaking out on toxicity and its amazing friends to anyone that can relate, or add to it. It’s tiring to expect the toxic ones to change, even when they’re presented with your case(s) against them.
But as I’ve relearned a few weeks ago as of this posting, when their issues are presented, you are resented.
A “how dare you tell the truth about me” kind of mentality.
If you’re someone that feels as if your voice only means something to the healed and healing, you’re not alone. Cliché as that statement is, it’s one of the reason those of us are still doing this, regardless if it’s for profit or not (at least for now).
It’s better than feeling alone in the presence of people that you wish you could trust with your secrets, your pain, your overall life.
People that will take advantage of your worries to favor their ego over your feelings.
People that claim to love you when they do that, instead.
No matter who they are to you, love the people that give you what the others lack in.
Make sure you love yourself at the same time.
D.F. -
Power
I’ve seen it said multiple ways that any circumstances that are undesirable to you are not your final destination. It rings true to what I mentioned last week. Even truer when you’ve begun or have already been setting yourself on a journey most others would neglect worth going on.
Or even confirm it’s one that even exists.
Many will try to keep you weak, often speak weakness into you. The ones that have years of success at it always will. There’s no convincing them otherwise. And if there is, they’ll find a way around it.
They’d rather strengthen themselves over you.
That behavior’s been in me, too. Talking down people that are enjoying themselves in unharmful behavior. Interrogating them about their positive announcements, thankfully not going as far as others have.
Even now, I’m still making sure that I’m not echoing those old ways that were pushed, and sometimes still pushed on me. As if I should quit and follow the generational curse as ordered.
Not anymore. And not for a long time, to my memory.
If anything, I’ve become stronger in how to remain the opposite. It’s been beneficial to my years of connecting and reconnecting with people that deserve praise for anything they’re doing.
That pure type of praise that’s not followed by any social and familial toxins.
It’s a great life when you’re giving others the strength that you wished you had in times you were emotionally fatigued. It’s even better when you’ve giving others that strength based on the one your found in yourself, in spite of your surroundings.
Never stop doing it. You’re needed here.
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A Little Bit Strange
Not everything in the family structure has been terrible.
No, seriously.
Some of the things I’ve picked up from youth onward was a passion for media that’s outside of our intended demographic, either subtly or forced.
No matter what the media was, I paid attention to what made me feel good. It’s become common ground with all of us. Depending on who I’m talking to, some areas hold more interest than others.
But then comes the outside world. What a trip that can be to find like-minded fans of your favorite things. On one hand, you’re planning to watch niche shows and movies together, yelling at each other during video games, and more.
But it can also lead to culture clashes, gossiping, ridicule, offensive labels and statements like “that’s for (insert race),” and the like.
Sad part is that this goes well into adulthood. Taking someone out of grade school, but not the “grade school” out of the person-type of deal.
But the vetting process is more than worth it.
Even when some people sharing your fandoms aren’t the greatest ones outside of that common ground, the ones that stick behind can be long-lasting. They might even become closer than your own family.
Some may even become more than friends. Short or long-term, that’s bound to happen.
No matter what, embrace your individuality. Don’t rush into it if you’re not comfortable with that speed.
Let it build for yourself.
Just be ready for it to be a beacon to those that feel alone in their feelings, the ones seeking genuine acceptance before they form their own.
You and they won’t feel so much like a negative framing of a “weirdo” anymore. The longer you stay in touch, continue getting along outside of mutual interest, the more you will have gained your tribe. Your “found family.”
And if your heart is set that way, your person, and more.
D.F. -
True Colors
Love, whether it’s romantic or platonic, can surpass boundaries that society will remain apprehensive about. When a heart has gone through enough development, it will gravitate to whomever it can resonate with, and not fear the prejudices of the outside world coming from that person.
But it’s easy to get caught in the visual presentations that say certain groups will be happier with each other. It’s an elaborate scheme that plants that idea and lets its audience do the rest of the work. Even when the ridiculed couplings happen, they show them lasting a shorter time than others that society will otherwise cheer for.
Of course, there are those that are miserable enough to curse any display of love, for reasons that run deep in their own history. It can be an individual or mob mentality thing. Either way, it’s important to remember that their idea of truth isn’t yours to adopt. Much like I said previously on another topic.
Plus, how long has it been since realizing that they can be easily swayed based on said personal trauma? That can branch into a different topic altogether.
That’s why it’s best to go for who and what you love the most. That highly includes yourself.
Living a life by hiding your truth and your heart is far from living a comfortable one.
D.F.
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Waiting to Exhale
There’s a special place, person/people, pet, even a thing that we do our best to think of when times get tough.
The lighthouses in the inner storm.
The sanctuary in an environment ravaged by fear.
The anchors that stop you from drifting away.
Every time you’re physically or virtually in their presence, many, if not all, of your senses are at ease. You never want them to leave your side, but we’re all bound to a schedule we try to honor.
Yet here we are, talking from evening to the depths of morning, knowing we have work, or an appointment to get to.
Fine. Write me up. Reschedule. It was time well spent. Well needed.
Even if it will take time before you experience the pleasant connections this applies to, knowing that they serve you well at a distance is a reason to keep going in your goals.
If they cease for any reason, give them the space needed for both of you before you can reunite. In the much deeper cases, give yourself time to grieve.
Just know that you’re not without people that respect what you’ve done with the time given to you. The circumstances you’re doing your best to break free from.
You deserve peace.
You deserve safety.
You deserve to breathe again.
D.F
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Surviving the Game
(Updated 5/25/2023)
Some people, especially families, have ways to remind you that the more you change and break from them, the more they’ll stay the same.
It gets tiring to run around them in circles, run through them, or sneak around waiting to have the freedom you’ve fought for.
The depths of how venomous they can be without trying may wear you down. Hiding your issues that you know they’ll take advantage of, even lying to protect your peace.
And no matter how close or far they are, you’re targeted. No matter how much they prop you up privately or socially, you always will be. All because you’re not complying with things tied to trauma, selfishness, and ignorance.
And the more it piles on, the more you risk going out of your new or growing character. You may want to fight someone. Break something, or things. Scream somewhere.
“Opt-out” sooner.
That last one is the scariest. You risk them telling how much you were loved, and wished they knew what was wrong. When in reality, they did, and chances are they hated you for knowing it.
Either in exposure or how you walked differently in life, they hated knowing that someone, or a few people in a group structure, refused to feed into uncomfortable behavior, and not be the toxic source to others.
And if you’re like me, writing these out in every way you can, you want it to stop.
You want everything that you express to mean something to them, most of all. To want them to change, to hold themselves accountable for once, because you, and others in agreement, are tired of doing it.
But you see how deep the pain is accepted and celebrated. You see how well most others may come together to face you. How their collective knowledge about you will shape a defense of their issues, while offending you with yours.
Whether or not the idea of their unity is driven by anxiety and/or facts of the past, you feel moments of snapping coming up. As if it’s the only way to let them know that they did wrong. Because words haven’t, and with some, never will work.
But the “victim card” will be stronger to play towards anyone outside of the circle, and the last thing they deserve is another victory at the expense of your sanity.
It’s your turn to win now. How you choose to must be chosen wisely.
D.F.
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A Low Down Dirty Shame
(Title themes until the end of February: Black-led films and shows/freestyle.)
It’s one thing to mourn the loss of someone passing away. But have you ever mourned the loss of respect you had for someone?
Yes, they’re still alive, but any positive feelings you may have received about them are gone.
It could be because of views that they hold which are tied to the harm of others, even yourself. Or the repeated way they treat you when no one is looking. Picking fights with you about where you’re lacking as a lover, or a son.
Even dismissing your experiences with traumatic people in your life, stating you should “grow up and move on.”
And other heartless behaviors that could have, or did hurt you or people you care for.
It doesn’t matter how you are or were connected.
You’re done.
And it’s expressed either quietly, or to their face.
They may even dare to say something to rile you up if you’re associated in a group setting, but do your best not to fall for it.
“Don’t feed the trolls,” as the internet-friendly phrase goes.
If they dare to come back to you as if nothing happened, remind them and send them away. If they return with a genuine apology, it’s fine to accept it, but keep the barrier up at your comfort.
They must remember what they’ve created, revived, or updated to prevent them, or anyone like them, to come back so easily.
On second thought, there is a positive feeling that comes from them.
They helped you recognize where the relationship has been, and needs to be, in order to reset your boundaries. While the experiences leading to it aren’t ever asked for, how else are we meant to process and protect the person we truly value most?
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Count Your Blessings
CW: Religion themed link
How I’ve managed the past and present trauma, and how I’ve used it to communicate with people, is something I don’t always sit and give myself respect for.
I feel like I fall into the patterns of working on so many real world situations that I can and will change, ones removed from the trauma work. But then comes the reminders during those periods that show how I used to handle matters, versus how I do now.
It can scare the people that are comfortable with my complacency and submissions. It can have them attack me in ways I’ll never see coming. They know that the emotional leash over me has been loosening, and they’ve grown to love the grip.
But I keep going. Every way I can, I’m going.
I do it with the thought of the ones closest to me who manage their own experiences in similar or different ways. I do my best to not compare my current status to theirs, even if and when the facts are weaponized against me.
Even if there’s a part of me that wants to believe that I deserved the attack, I remind myself where that idea comes from, and how my desire to never repeat it strengthens by the day, and more by any current experiences.
And as a pastor once said, “the facts aren’t final.”These are the blessings that I have to remember to count when taking in emotional inventory.
If you relate to any of it, please do the same.
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Fire Fight
No matter how young or old they are, narcissists will always have something ready to say about you. But they’d rather keep it in the chamber ready to fire, should someone test their armor by bringing up their own hurtful behavior.
I’ve recently been reminded how deep of a problem this is. Young or old, or they’re blood by either biology, bond or law, they’ll fire back when prompted.
When they are hit with their behavior, they’ll do anything to reflect the pain right back. Their words hit different when you’ve known them for a certain time, hearing more praises than critiques. The latter are more like pellets being tossed, versus the hollow points they stockpile.
So when the shots are given, dodge what you can, but take the time to heal from the pain of anything that hits. Even if nothing does, the assault itself causes more damage than they’ll ever admit to.
If anything, they’ll be proud of doing it. If there’s any remorse from it, you’ll never see it. If you do, by that point their existence may mean nothing to you.
No matter how close they are, limit their vantage points.
Dismantle their camps.
By all means, do not rally a defense against them.
Let that come naturally, if at all.
As easy as that last one it, it’s a bad look. If I did or do that, I’d be no better than the inspiration of another post. One which I now see as a convenient reminder not to get on that level again.
If you do, and if I do, we’ll fall harder than the hurt and even cynical parts of us wishes the other party may deserve to.
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