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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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The Accountant
In the healing process, expect to be reminded of all the things you wish you said at times people hurt you. They can be the mental receipts your mind and body will react to in any moment outside of that event.
You might even think of what you could have done in response. Responses that could result in having a record. If/when you’re caught in a hypothetical sense, that is.
The cynical side of me says that only a few people deserved, or still deserve that. The other side says that you don’t deserve the consequences.
“You’re too pretty for jail,” is one of many mantras of mine.
They may wonder why you stay away. Why you unfollow, unfriend, block their account or phone number. Even if you don’t do any of that, a simple “hello” is best given to people that don’t do the things that have them end up on a particular list.
And if they feel any remorse for what they’ve done, they’ll feel your distance. More so if there was a time where you couldn’t go days or weeks without talking extensively about one thing, or nothing. You’ve found new people to do that with. People that won’t trigger what they’ve done, and possibly still do.
The sting of your absence can even have them sit with the stuff you don’t know that they did, and at that point there’s no need for you to know. You’ve enough evidence to move forward and close the account.
Just make sure you’re also in a place to recognize if or when it’s done to you.
Sometimes you may never know what you did to earn it. If you do know, much like them, you’ll find it hard to speak to them without apologizing for the distant or recent past.
And it can work both ways where, to paraphrase a meme, the offense is forgiven, but access is now denied.So long as you know that you’re capable of harm that’s worth the cutoff(s), and do your best to not be that person anymore, you’ll do fine.
As my last entry stressed, you’ve been around people like that long enough.
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Don’t Say a Word
Sometimes I believe that the more you talk about the healing and even imply what you’re healing from, the audience you have can shape who wants to engage with you beyond “likes” and “comments.” That’s assuming you’re connected to them on social platforms.
I have a good amount of those on multiple. It’s hard to tell who’s paying attention and appreciative, versus who’s waiting for an opening to talk about something outside of mental health topics.
And I admit to doing that with a small amount of others in the past, and likely the present unintentionally. But they’re often the ones that know I’m doing my best to be removed from that behavior.
Double respect for those that have given me a chance to speak, long before I had a voice to comfortably project and protect.
Being around the others that refuse to hear even one word of criticism can alter your voice, too. From that, you risk becoming the embodiment of their hurt. You learn how to kill someone’s spirit before their body fades.
But you can’t do it to the sources, no matter who they are. Your silence means more to them than your progress. Especially when that progress is to ultimately stay away from them.
If they cared about who you are, what you’re fighting, who you fought, and why, they’ll pay attention and listen without malice. And it takes time to learn who’s speaking from, and listening with compassion, or who’s speaking to seek, or regain control over you.
But if you stay quiet around the right people, you’ll know who are the best ones to keep around.
D.F
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Black Sheep
There was a time where the New Year was a chance to mentally cleanse yourself of the things and people you gained or want distance from. When some of those are family related, it gets harder to navigate around.
You can love your sibling but are disgusted by their partner for how they’ve talked to you.
Your parent(s) can continue to associate with people they’ve complained to you about, and you’re “forced” to be cordial with in specific settings.
Some of your extended family can even vary between distrust and uncertainty.
The time you’ve taken to heal and recount the trauma and stress from all of it can have your boundaries, and wavering filters make you look like a villain in their eyes.
And when they’ve repeatedly proven that they’re beyond accountability, or when they delete offensive comments made directly about you, they wonder why you’ve limited or denied them access.
Most may even wonder why they don’t hear “I love you” back in the same strength as them. Not when their version of the phrase is set to excuse them of any judgment, and yours is said to keep an uncomfortable peace.
The New Year always deserves a better introduction. One that helps you celebrate what you’ve done to recognize the painful patterns, and why to continue refusing its adoption.
Even if you’re like me, and once served as a continuation of those pains, know that while they can’t be returned to sender, they can be recycled.
Why else would I be five consecutive months into this blog?
D.F. -
We’re Back!
I will do my best to make this short, because there’s still plenty of topics to (re)visit as time goes on. This is just a way to let you know I’m still here, and not stopping unless I have to. Even if I have to alter the schedule for any reason.
For now, if you’re still given the time to rest before getting back to your own set schedule, please do. Every aspect of your health depends on it.
Take care, and Happy New Year to you all.
D.F. -
The Good Place
No matter what you celebrate, if anything, this is always the season to look back at any time you’ve had to prioritize your emotional health. Utilize that knowledge every way you can, and become firm in your boundaries.
The time I’ve been granted time to do this is one that I can’t praise enough. Stresses outside of producing this considered, writing my thoughts out when speaking it often betrays me was a long time coming. Even if the time to continue doing it becomes limited as the weeks go by, the steps I took to get this far are ones I look back on and thank myself for.
That heavily includes the “Letter to My Younger Self” arc, which got this whole thing started.
Even when I think I’ve run out of things to say, something always comes up to spark inspiration. Or even a reminder things I wanted to speak about, or extend thoughts on previous topics, at risk of repetition.
And even with it being a week away towards my fifth month of this page, I know there’s more to talk about that can switch between here, and another project I started that’s inspired by previous posts. And everything said has helped communicate with people better than ever. In text or in person. Good or bad.
I’d say on the phone, but not many do that anymore.
As I’ve said time and again, thank you for showing up and engaging with me, whether it’s on here or elsewhere. I have other posts lined up for February, so you can expect me to show up even next month, too.
No matter what you celebrate, or not, I wish you peace in the last days of the year.
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Peacemaker
Knowing when to walk away from a debate or a full-on fight is important. Whether it’s in-person or online, sometimes your peace means more than stating your opinion to someone, or even a group.
This can get deeper when you’re in favor of the rights and liberties of all people, regardless if you’re a member of communities discussed in any debate.
Sometimes, the air can be cleared when all parties can speak to each other that doesn’t trigger ideas of passive aggression, deflection, and undermining one’s views.
For the others, nothing means more to them than having the final say in something you’re at odds about.
Don’t fall for it.
Let your silence be the answer they deserve.
And don’t give them the courtesy of saying they’re right just to end the fight, at the cost of burying your feelings. They love that.
Don’t fall for the traps of “manning up,” “stop being a….,” “don’t you have something to say,” or other fine instigations, especially the ones in your head. Those are the voices of people that need to win. If they’re on the outside looking into your matter, they’re the ones that thrive on chaotic behavior.
If they corner you in any form, do what you must to get away and stay there, because in that case, the best person to keep the peace with is yourself.
D.F.
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Crossfire
I found myself in a debate recently that brings back the phrase “love the art, hate the artist.” I won’t say who this was in regards to, and honestly there’s centuries worth of examples, but I think about the divides this has brought on in modern years.
We have those that will throw everything about a person’s legacy away, over revelations often backed with proof that said artists may double down on.
Others who will do exactly as the quote implies, often backed by professionals who’ve had a stake in one’s specific art.
And the third group, those who dismiss an artist’s hurtful behaviors because “they’re funny,” “they (still) make good (product),” or “their (media) is/are my childhood.” *
It’s telling when you see what people will dare to defend. More so when they feel an artist can’t be judged for beliefs and actions that have ties to horrible crimes and self-harm/”opting-out.” It would be one thing if the artist(s) made it a point to be better than their beliefs, and be sincere about change.
If they don’t, naturally they won’t be short of supporters. Those of them we may call friends, family, lovers, etc., they can risk earning the same, or greater level of judgment.
Choose your side wisely. Who and what you lose in that choice may not be worth it.
D.F.
*Forgive me if there’s a fourth I’m not considering, outside of anyone that are apathetic about celebrity news as a whole.
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The Prisoner
(Edited 12/26/2022)
I saw a person once say that anger is based on a place where you expected love and did not receive it. I can relate to that, all the way to how deep it can keep you locked into a place you’ve outgrown.
Dark thoughts have a way to keep us captive for a long time. Even when you find a way to quell them, they manifest into something else. Some outrageous possible event that’s a mix of what has happened and what could happen.
Your mind will make you think of millions of scenarios, sometimes with new ways to do the things you wish you said or did. Specifically in moments where a lack of safety and mistrust existed, combined with similar instances with the same people.
Anxiety and depression are the wardens that can feel hard to escape from, but they can be beaten.
Growing to the point of escaping the sources of those feelings can be helpful. Even while you’re in the environments that cause them, any positive tethers you may have are vital to keeping you set on your goals.
It doesn’t matter who the sources are. Family by blood or in spirit will have their influences. The same with past and present lovers. But your work to break free from them, combined with the boundaries you’ll set against them, will make the tears and screaming all worth it.
You’ll breathe again. Just stay on the path those darker feelings, and the people that project them, want to blind you from. Because nothing hurts their pride more than you walking into your purpose.
D.F
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In Search Of…
Sometimes you find something after you rest or quit looking for it. It’s as true for life-changing positive moments as it can be for an everyday object.
When you find it, it always happens at the right time. Like looking for something important before leaving for a meeting early.
You find it and leave later than expected, only to learn that the route you normally take was blocked because of construction, or a major accident.*
They also have a habit of finding you. Not just because you were bent on finding it, but because you took time to breathe. There were other things to grow on before that one thing popped up in sight. One thing being your overall health, not just the mental side.
For me, there have been many financial issues in the past few months, more than I’d like to remember. But pursuing better employment, among other things, required times to rest from searching for it. It wasn’t easy to sift through scams or read more rejections than proposals, but you push onward until you need to relax.
Then, you start up again. But not without looking back at all the growth gained in those down times.
It’s okay to scream, cry, and even safely hit something to air out your frustrations. As a close friend told me, “nothing is wrong with you.” We’re all working to evolve within a system designed to reward conformity, and scrutinize individuality.
You’re doing perfectly fine in your resting states, as you are in your hunts for comfort and stability.
Whether it’s an email about a job opportunity, an approval on your new home, or a good word from a beloved connection, it takes more than hard work to receive it. It takes time to appreciate the things you have and were given during the free time you give yourself, as well as what was unexpectedly given to you.
It’s kind of like the “watched pot never boils” line. Just make sure you’re in the room when it whistles for you to come and get it.
D.F.
*This has happened to me many times. Happened again the day before this entry, which partly inspired it.
(edited 12/15/2022)
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G vs. E
Some people will make you believe that there’s only two sides of things, a dark and a light. Nothing in-between, no moderation allowed. Us against “them,” whoever they are, or whoever one side wants you to believe is the “villain.”
They’ll make you believe that being “gray” is foolish and indecisive. They don’t care if it’s a place to make sense of the madness that both sides are putting on each other and themselves.
The gray ones are often outnumbered, but are rarely unmoved in their stance. It’s because they can see the rights and wrongs of both sides more clearly, and hope that they can see the same thing.
But those extreme sides are hard to change. They’ve been their ways for so long, doing anything different will shake them. One side must always rule. They feel that if you disagree, you’re no better than their enemy.
I’ve seen similar cases with the emotionally healed and unhealed.
The healed ones can either be relaxed about their knowledge and journey, or the others that will boast about their inner work. The latter can risk sounding no better than the unhealed ones that are confronted with any of their wrongs, down to using remixed gaslighting and deflection techniques.
The calm ones that are doing the spiritual work, they may not bother having both parties see their errors. They can see who’s authentic about their journey and trials, and instead choose to vibe with them.
They have the right to choose peace, because they’ve survived enough wars within themselves to not care about external reminders and influences.
The calmer healers will still have their moments of backsliding, though. It’s human to forget sometimes who we are, and who we want to be that’s far removed from the unhealed days. They’re far from bad for it, but even they need a reminder of why they started the healing.
Take the time to recognize what side you’re on in the mental health realm. It’s not too late to change your mind to be a safe space for others, just like it’s not an infarction to wave your flag of progress in other’s faces accidentally.
Stay vigilant, and others will come along with you.
D.F.
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