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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Storm Rider
TW: s*icide
I know what I said in the last post. I’m laughing about that now.The first time I talked about this was in a different narrative than what’s become the norm for months now. But the recent entertainment news sparks a reason to talk about it again.
Plus it was in my spirit to talk about it now versus waiting.I imagine there are many people out there that have gone their entire lives without considering the choice to take their own. I envy them, at least the ones that can confidently state that the thought never crossed their minds.
Others, when asked, they may claim to have never thought about it, but choose to keep the truth to themselves. The reasons can vary, but a definite one can be the shame they may feel by exposing themselves to that level. That can come from a history of people they’ve trusted with that information, only to be dismissed and shamed for it. The same can be said for any topics of mental health, but “opting out” may be the absolute heaviest.There’s that overwhelming idea that life is not on your side. That despite your efforts to improve your standings, despite the support group that will unconditionally love you and want to hear your stories in confidence, ending it will solve it all. The idea of burdening people no longer weighs you down. You don’t have to worry about who will miss you, because you’re tired of fighting for and against yourself.
The pain is gone.
And yes, I have been there countless times. Even in moments where my emotional growth seemed to exceed those old ways of thinking, memories slip in. Sometimes they dare to stop being memories to become viable options based on my current events. I find myself frightened by them, and that fear comes from seeing what I would have missed out on if I had done it at the height of such an emotional infection.As great as those happier moments were and still are, the need to express these other feelings is vital to me. We’re talking about years of holding this back and not knowing who you can really speak to, even to this day. I know enough of what others are fighting in their own lives, and the chances of them helping to bring me back from the ledge when/if I need it felt, and feel variable.
And there are some that do it without even knowing it. Sharing a light story, a funny meme or video, and I may say something like “I needed that.” Off of that, they’ll know what I mean, especially if they needed it too before sharing. They may even need my reaction to it, just to acknowledge that their presence is cherished.
And it is.
There’s so many people I’ve started to know, others I like and love on an even plane, and a smaller few I love more than they’ll ever know. They’ve made an incredible impact on my life, in staying here, and I’ve had some say the same about me.
But too often, there is the fear of having these darker feelings return at a later age. I would hope that by then, I’m in a much better space to remain as vigilant, and maybe even too stubborn to let go of a life I’ve just started rebuilding almost four years ago.
Despite stressful current events in my own life, I am grateful for the time that I’ve been given to speak my mind this way. Mark it as another entry to look back on and smile because I’ve finally said what I’ve wanted to about a topic that’s dear to me. Not only because of my own battles, but for those I’ve known whom I have lost to it.
Checking in on your “strong” people is important. A simple “how are you” can go a longer way than you’ll ever know. It’s helped me to this point, and I’m sure it will continue to, just as much as I need to keep doing it with others.
And I’ll do my best to take that break, now. Take care until the next one. -
– – Extended Break – –
There’s plenty more to write about, but I’ll do what I mentioned in the last post and take a week off. It’s been earned to this point, and there’s other work to attend to, as well. To those that observe Thanksgiving, even to the point of needing a few days off your job (those who are working, anyway), enjoy it, and I’ll be back.
D.F.
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The Walk
I’ve been working on a new side project that’s based on the specific topic of narcissism. I’ve touched onto it a few times in here, but the refinement has a flow to it, that I’d like to share a piece of what’s written so far.
“In a world where everyone is the main character in their own story, they want to be the main character in yours. Is that fair? To them it is, more so when you live with one for any time frame. Even if they congratulate or celebrate any personal accomplishments, it’s only a matter of time before they use it as a weapon to make you feel small. As if that victory or step forward is an affront to their logic and malice.
A narcissist can’t be called out on this, or anything. The older they get, the wider their mental range of deflections and excuses becomes. Remorse, guilt, and shame are four-letter-words to them. Unless they want you to feel remorse for doing better than their scope, guilt for not considering their feelings, and shame for not believing that they are your hero. Note that self-proclaimed heroes are often equal to the self-proclaimed “nice person.”
These people will use your past against you despite any contradictions to their own. They’ll make you look like as much of a fool as they once did, regardless of their past situation having any effect on you or not. They will make you as small as they felt in times of their own weaknesses. If you bring those moments to light, they can snap or get loud. All that to say that it’s clear that they can be more than just a villain in your story. They are the monster in plain sight. The classic wolf in sheep’s clothing. And if you’re close by blood and they do it to you with no sign of stopping, trust that you’re not their only target. ”
This is still a work in progress, and I’m three pages in. Not sure how long this will be in the end, but it’s pretty clear that something calling me to start this. It worked out before, that’s why this blog is here.
I’ll also do my best to take a break all of next week. I’ll have one more post this coming Friday, but we’ll see if that sticks after that.
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Jumper
It’s one thing to come up with something to write about. Even more when I’m not trying to repeat yourself and redress it a different way, something I’ve brought up before. It’s another to nail a topic and not feel like I’m deviating from what I first started writing about.
It extends to how I am outside of writing in here. Perhaps it falls in line with being neurodivergent. I’ve claimed the title based on examples of it, but I doubt there’s a need for testing that like they do with PTSD and ADHD. I’ve tested and now confirmed for both, and learning how to manage life with them has been educational.
I felt like I was jumping from one topic to another pretty heavily on one entry from last week. It was one that was drafted a while ago, but got back to and made edits that stuck with its original theme. Long as the post became, I took a few paragraphs out to avoid it being much longer, mostly because it can have the potential to be its own post.
Taking focus on the things you want to do and say are important in life. Whether you’re better at writing, being verbal, or visual, you deserve to be heard and seen by anyone that feels what you’re going through. Even if you go on tangents or need to break down your story into the subplots to make your main point stronger, you’ll feel better getting it all out either in pieces or in a whole. Just choose your audience wisely, and they’ll come however they please, and stay for whatever their reasons.
Thanks for coming and staying. If you’re new here, hello 🙂
D.F.
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42
This number means a lot today. It will, when I reach that age, as well. It’s not far off, but it’s something to look forward to given the progress made in the last five months that led to this entire blog.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Sometimes more than what’s considered healthy.
Often those thoughts come with the idea of specific opponents tying to reroute me the way they always had, just so they can save face and remain in some idea of control over me.
But the more I think and thought of them, the less I think of what’s being built to be far off from thinking these “what if” scenarios.
Some can say that it can bar the unseen progress from coming your way. But if you’re like me, you may think about how the progress being unseen is too hard to wait for, and if anything you’re doing is worth the effort you’ve put so much of your soul, joy, rage, and often your real tears into.
That’s why these thoughts can be so tricky and volatile. Especially when you’ve lived with them for so long, the brain may knock you back into that cell of anxiety. You know the type, where you have blissful moments of what you want your life to look like, and in comes the TI* generated voice that puts you at risk of backsliding on your goals.
This blog has been a huge goal. One that’s been in the making in the mix of giving into guilt trips, passive aggression, and fake tears of broken people. People who may feel that their time is up, so mine should be, too.
“Keep them miserable so I feel better” is a constant mood of theirs, for sure. It’s just taken a long time to believe and act on no longer making that my belief as well.
But better a long time, than never taking that time at all.
- D.F.
P.S – *TI, short for “Trauma Intelligence,” my play on Artificial Intelligence.
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Disturbing Behavior
Society is heavy on curiosity. It’s what moves the creation of life changing, and life saving products, while also mastering the art of planned obsolescence.
It also helps people learn who they want to be, despite others telling you who you should be, often based on a narrow scope of life.
My appearance has been rooted in questions or statements about sports, or being someone’s bodyguard when they’re famous. To the first point, when asked what team did I play for, I’ve answered “the Frequently Stereotyped.”
So far it hasn’t caused problems.
But even when I wrote this, there were triggering ideas of what could happen in that case, often blended with times and locations where people needed to be talked to more bluntly.
I also think of others that may face similar eye-rolling moments about their appearance alone. I know of one woman who was like me, who got a nickname that was offensive in it defining them by their anatomy.
Why people grow up acting like that’s universally “cool” should be beyond me, but I have a guess. It’s because of someone being raised where they’re not told that not everyone acts like that, or worse. Otherwise I wouldn’t be speaking on it negatively like I have since I started the whole blog.
Because of that, the guess is relatable.
There were a lot of behaviors I had to unlearn on my own, which come from a series of missteps that I didn’t want to repeat on other people. Which sadly includes calling them outside their name, like the last example did to my friend. As well as others that I’ve made light of before.
I get it though. Some people are built to riff or label others as a sign of respect. But respect can come from calling them by the name they were given, or gave themselves. Or not coming up to them saying “wow you’re _____” like the others have in the past and present.
If you tell them to stop that and they continue, move on from them. If you’re one that does it and refuses to stop after telling you to, good luck with that. Or as some would say in another clean sense, “bless your heart.”
Life is full of enough triggering actions, and we could do better not adding ones like that onto each other.
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Redemption
“Changed behavior is an apology.”
It’s a quote that I got reminded of last week as I talked with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. I recalled periods where I knew for a fact that I wasn’t the greatest person to them, and may have come off a certain way when we last met before they moved away. I apologized for the times, and they were chill about it, stating that it was long ago and past it all.It made me think about the others that I felt the need to apologize to for who I was. Even though the moments I can think of range from a few years ago or more, I can think of how the guilt from them helped shape the decisions I made to be better.
Now I’m reminded of a character quote: “Don’t be sorry. Be better.”
That happens a lot. It’s to be expected, since this page is named after one.
I’m glad I had the moment with that friend. I probably won’t have that with everyone I can think of, and some of us are better off as distant memories. So long as what’s happened between me and them are “lessons instead of anchors,”* I assure my future will be charged in comfort.
*Quoting myself, for a change 🙂
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Knowing
Before I start, take a few minutes to listen to this. In-video captions are mostly correct.
This audio served as one of a series of inspirations for starting this blog. I can’t remember the exact year it was when I first heard it, but it was well over fifteen years ago.
Even as I write this, I feel a bit of sadness again for the person I was back then. Having the mind to relate to it, yet having one excuse after another, in not developing the courage to speak my truth.
But in so much as writing the notes that catalyzed the first nine posts, I was finally learning how to tell that hurt child it was not all in vain. Though no one, including ourselves, deserved any form of DV, we, specifically my present and past selves, were now in a place to make something of those experiences.
To cut out the residual and blatant reminders of the war within us, and at any give house that we’re often forced to call “home.”
To remain accountable for each time we’ve hurt the ones we claimed to like and/or love. Both emotions inspired by the false idols of our upbringing.
To set boundaries and keep them strong, no matter the pressure.
And none of it is easy. Nothing worth it is.
And it’s safe to say that over three months of writing has helped me get over another important thing. That the people who project a positive image, yet will do all they can to silence the people that know who they are behind closed doors and inactive recording devices, deserve to be discussed.
More on that can be written later, but sticking with this topic, it’s helped me cope with many past events. Smile at and with the people meant to be in my life in place of those that, as the audio mentioned, made me feel alone. People that made me “feel so strange and ill at ease inside yourself.”
Much as I can say that many of us are too old for that, some elders stay there. People in our age ranged stay there.
When you learn how to leave them behind, you’ll breathe again, if not for the first time.
And if they try to resurface, it’s because they still think they know you.
Remind them in your rejection that they don’t, and never will again. All because you now know yourself.
You protect yourself better.
Most of all, you love yourself better.
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Warm Bodies
The dating environment has thankfully transformed over the years. Not just in how to do it, but in what’s no longer tolerated by individuals, and even more in society. While there are still opponents who celebrate the “old ways” of being a one nighter or a rebound, they are quick to put a target on their backs for those that support and practice respectable actions.
To a certain point, there is a one-stop method for dating someone, but each one that I can name can vary based on the quality of person you’re looking for. It really comes down to whether you’re looking for “fast food” satisfaction, or a gourmet meal for the body and soul.
Then you have the people that are eager to hook someone up. This can be inspired by many things, like the would-be matchmaker seeing a potential connection between the two. Works great if they’re not being weird or pushy about it.
Others may do it to live vicariously through someone else’s bliss, which could be harmless, but can also risk that matchmaker to ignore other means to put joy (back) into themselves, versus feeding off others.
My favorite type of connection has been the one you don’t see coming. The kind where you’re friendly with someone and feel a respectable platonic bond. Until a series of events leads you two to kiss the night away, and many more afterwards.
During those times, you grow closer in mind and spirt, making physical intimacy feel stronger than anything you’ve ever had before. When both parties are growing in similar ways in their separate lives, that natural connection is unbeatable, regardless of various factors like age, status, race, and more.
You also have to be careful with who you crush on. Make sure those feelings aren’t from some trauma bond-based desire for someone unavailable, no matter how many ways you two click. No two hearts work the same way, and you can’t or shouldn’t claim you love someone if you don’t respect their romantic rejection, which will not beat their love of you being “found family.” Doing the opposite of that can leave you lonelier than one’s ego will admit to, and the last things us healing folk want to do it mimic the root sources of our pain.
For a bit of bluntness, if someone isn’t willing to do the inner work and assume that someone’s life would be better with a romantic partner, check them if they do that in your face. I’ve brought this type of thing up in a slightly different way, but still rings well in broader senses.
The heart, in all of its ways, is constantly being tested through all of our past and present connections. With dating, it should be approached with care and respect, while honoring what others feel about it in their own lives.
Never settle for what is less than you’ve grown to desire, no matter who or how many dare to shame you for it. Because the one that is right for you, especially yourself, would never do that to you.
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The Brighter the Picture 