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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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The Purge
Have you noticed how stressed the toxic sociopaths have been lately? They see that there’s more people waking up and speaking out about their experiences of passive aggression, gaslighting, and everything related to their group.
They will do their best to maintain the narrative that they are the “real victims” and “true heroes.” They’ll lean in on like-minded people to support or even buy into their views, Even get new ideas on how to keep them in control and divided, so they can sleep right while the rest of us falsely blame each other.
It’s almost similar to what we’re doing for each other, in the name of healing from their behavior. Only they are louder, make those living off of ratings and clickbait even happier, leaving us to do the same while holding onto our integrity.
It’s just like a narcissist to use one’s means to heal to keep the wounds fresh. Mastering the art of being quiet until they strike without warning and celebrate another victory over you. Eyes of a toxic storm.
How long can someone like that go in life without feeling the need to change? Politics and entertainment can confirm that there’s no age limit, and the strength of the consequences can vary, if they come at all. But as history has shown their means of preservation, the rest of us who choose to heal and inspire have shown progression right next to them.
As it goes though, they believe their fatigue is more important than ours.
What about ours?
What lengths will they go to so they can make sure the song “Eat the Rich” isn’t taken literally? Not that all of them are swimming in money, but a target is on them all the same.
On the other side, what lengths will you travel to keep your momentum in being better than them? No matter the art form or platform you choose, keep going and praise who’s coming with you.
It’s all the more reason to stay educated, organized, and ready to pass on our knowledge and assurance of safety. Especially in a world where we’re shamed and denied that all too often. -
The Contender
Healing is something that many people are walking towards these days. Those who are tired of the repetition and drama their patterns started. People who aren’t afraid of doing the shadow work, the bare knuckled combat with the demons they submitted to for decades.
Sometimes they win a round. They feel that in another defeat, you’ll let them rule over you again.
Until you spit in your bucket, adjust your gloves, get up, and whisper “no.”
Whether they run or square back up, keep swinging. Keep defending.
When they’re down, shout who you’re representing. Add a cuss word or phrase afterwards, to let them know you’re serious.
Okay, you don’t have to do that, but hopefully the suggestion made you laugh a bit.
Enjoy your day!
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The Gate
It’s hard not knowing how to describe your sexual preferences in a world that operates as if only two exist, and one is “respected.”
A child can grow up believing to be something based on what their family and peers go by on sight. Whether it’s a subtle suggestion, passive aggressive, or sadly, physically threatening action, one can feel that they’ll never truly embrace who they are until a breakthrough happens. That can be through like-minded peers, trained counselors, support groups. Anything better than the insecure critics of one’s lifestyle choices.
National Coming Out Day was recently, and a close friend of mine privately told me about their orientation. It’s not the first time I’ve experienced this, but it’s made me think a lot more about my own choices. Especially my past regarding this.
Being reminded of when I was a kid wanting a t-shirt for a band that was not geared to my demographic, and one parent or another stating that as the reason I couldn’t have it.
Having older kids (possibly middle schoolers to my grade school time) riffing on me wanting to know somebody, versus “catching a body.”
Rolling my eyes nearly every time someone would say “no h—o” when expressing platonic love for the same sex. Not after possibly living a life of saying that just to blend in with social toxins.
The more you break away from those people, the more of yourself you become. Even if you are relatively close to ones that act(ed) like this, you have every right to continue exploring and embracing your truth with others on a global scale.
People, even in my generation, did not have that luxury or awareness to reveal themselves outside of an immediate circle. Now we have options.For many, it’s a matter of choice to ask the questions that relate to who your heart belongs to. Even if it’s only towards yourself, while others receive the platonic and/or familial love that is returned unconditionally.
For others, it’s a calling to something deeper that they’ve felt since childhood. Something louder than the voices outside of you saying your true feelings are wrong.And for those that choose to remain silent, and even minimally expressive of your true feelings, you are seen, as well. We’ve been where you are, and know that these things take time to announce to even a select few. This is true for all emotional topics, so please take your time.
Your present and future self matter, in this case, and overall. You deserve to heal the parts of you that felt restricted by other’s lack of understanding. You deserve to see the other side of the place they want to keep you.
Most of all, you deserve to create and live in a world where none of your living truth is threatened.
PS (edited 11/9/22): I will move entries to no later than 10 AM on the regular days. Including this entry, I learned how there was a lot more editing to do for recent ones, including this entry the most.
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Us
Sometimes, we catch ourselves questioning our past choices.
Mostly the bad ones that left us attached to people and places for longer than our comforts preferred.
For every time we do that, we have to remind ourselves that life is a series of choices that are based on the intellect we had in those moments. What we do with that awareness will determine the course of our lives.
Whether we fold into the false world of peace, or move towards a better definition of it.
If we let the past stop us, or propel us.
How we use our experiences to advise, and how to prevent yourself from stopping.
What smiles and tears you choose to share and motivate others to do the same.
When we choose ourselves, over choosing other’s needs.
Why we heal the child and (young) adult within, despite other’s wishes to keep those spirits sedated.
Who we save a seat for, and who to leave behind.
This is a life filled with opportunities and support for those of us that have walked the hard paths, and kept walking no matter what hurts. As we do it for ourselves, we thank others that wish to follow and cheer us on.
We cheer them on as well for doing the same, and making a life around it.
And we honor those that lost their way, or gone before they could continue, but never lost our love for the time we shared in this world.
None of us are alone. All of us are loved.Never forget that.
I’ll make sure I won’t, either.
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Watcher
TW: Stalking, Assault
Over ten years ago, there was an educational year about privacy.
One situation involved a person we’ll call Rei. It began over unrequited feelings that I expressed. This led to an intricate display of nonsense that you’d expect from high-schoolers, when nearly everyone involved, including myself, was in their mid to late twenties. Not that it excuses much, since there’s people older than me now acting even worse.Meanwhile, another became more serious. Indirectly involving me and my mother, all over a woman my father dated post-separation that stalked the both of us, on top of nearly taking his life as well. He did little to nothing to take our claims or his assault seriously. We’ll call this one Debbie.
I’m reminded of these two events often. The Debbie one more than the Rei one, seeing as she was a potential physical threat to my entire family. Both have generated their feelings of mistrust towards anyone that felt similar to all parties involved on both sides.
On the flip side, it’s also made me upset at those that declared me paranoid over things unrelated, but triggering the memories.
No one asks for PTSD over anything or anyone. Discrediting their feelings can almost be as bad, or even worse, than the sources of said trauma. It’s why when someone shares anything heavy about their past, hear them out. If there’s a reason to disbelieve them, look deep into yourself about why, and sometimes it may not have to do with any lack of trust built from others you’ve been around.
When it’s come to disbelief at my claims, I’ve let others do that to me for too long. Their access is now limited, or denied indefinitely.
To this day, there are key moments of Debbie’s malic that resurface in other’s actions. Ones that are best left to discuss with my therapist again, given more recent reminders dragged out through him.
Speaking of, Debbie is still out there. The connection depth between her and dad is unknown, but word is they still run into each other at random places, and carry on as if she almost didn’t do something worse.
Too often, I wonder what it’d have been like if she taught him all the way. Given the hints a friend of his has given, someone might.
At least with the Rei matter, I ended that with my then-sense of willpower. There were a lot of steps I had to take before then, which can lead to another entry.
For now, all I’ll say is to be careful out there. Social media alone has made it easier to hunt people down, regardless if they know each other. I don’t know if I can end on a lighter note this time, but thank you for reading. -
Mimic
(Edited 1/24/2023)
You can learn a lot about yourself when you’ve lived with a narcissist or toxic person long enough. Their traits become yours, directly or coincidentally.
If at all, it even takes a long time for some to realize that they’ve been victim to their own ills, the ones they openly say they hate in others. After all, they say “you hate the thing you are.”
When you do that inner work, you must sit and think of the pain you gave people. Not because of the influences you absorbed and reflected, but because of your own lack of morals and respect at those times.
Sometimes the fear kicks in about “what if they found about this part of my past, despite my changes?” It’s a valid question, as in recent years, more people on a private and public sector are quickly, and often permanently shamed for their pasts.
That fits better for those that feel no remorse for their actions, and continue living their lives because of their twisted adaptability.
The rest of us? Part of us may feel we deserve it. We may even think, “if they’re being that critical about me, what are they hiding about themselves?” If you fear that, then consider it a good sign of change. It’s one of many great ways of remaining the opposite of who you almost became.
Besides, not all of us may get, or culturally/racially afford, that luxury to come at them the same way. Just do your best to walk in your current truth, instead of living in the past truth the way the critics, or even hypocrites, want to.
I also know how easy it is, and can be to slip into familiar toxic habits and people, especially when they provided false safety in a world like ours.
That’s not you anymore. Not if you’re like me and smiling over getting this far to either read or share experiences to help others.
D.F.
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Dawn of the Dead
One thing sometimes overlooked about the healing journey is that you find people you cut off trying to reconnect with you. The scenarios prior to that decision can come flooding in, and you may wonder “what’s going on in their life that they thought coming back was suddenly okay?”
The old ways, which to some extent are still here, involved reuniting in person, either by chance, or by something hosted by a mutual friend. They may say something that they’ll hope will ping your interest in reconnecting, and for some of us, it works. Only to be reminded of the reasons you ended the connection, with bonus features exclusive to the trauma.
Then you have the social media way, often combined with the in-person one. A friend request or page following, which thankfully can be countered with a block or restriction. And for me, the question remains “why?” Especially when I was clear on the reason(s) the split had to happen. And it took a lot to do that much on multiple occasions, especially one face-to-face at an old job.
If you were unclear on the reason you wanted to split because of your own strength of communication, or even because you know presenting evidence won’t solve anything, that’s fine. Some of us aren’t built to express how they were hurt by another’s actions, which led to the choice.
And sometimes, silence is all they deserve.
Let’s flip things around. What do you do when you’re the one cut off?
Are you someone that just takes the loss as a chance for someone new to fill their void? Even if someone does, do you still wonder why that former connection did it, assuming they didn’t give you a reason? If so, I’d say it’s because you may fear losing the new people over the same thing or things you may have done.
But if they gave you one, and you’re in a place of accountability, then it’s a chance to change your ways for the good. Because there are others that hear what they did and know how to hide their mess, so the new people never leave them. And if you’ve lived with and around people like that the way I have, you’ll know better than to repeat that trend.
Take it from someone that’s been like that, and often fear they still could be.
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The Parent Trap
How many times have you been teased by family members about having a partner and then having a child with them?
Is it often that it comes from family members who have their own relationship issues, which can be byproducts of emotional damage?
How much of a fight are they willing to resist having with you once you give them a response and they’re not ready to hear?That last one can melt into other topics, but in this one, it can surely hit a soft spot.
With the last relationship I was in, we talked about it, along with external suggestions that a baby should be on the way. For reasons, I’m glad that it never happened.
Only speaking for myself this time, I was nowhere near an emotional state to take care of a child, whether it was by birth or by adoption. That’s because for too long, I was soaking in the trauma bonds that would have made that child grow up a world very similar to the one I was in. And they would not have deserved that anymore than I didn’t.If you’re the parent or relative of a child who is in a place to have children, and you’ve pushed that idea towards them, ask yourself a few things.
Have you given them the emotional stability needed to bring one in the world? Can you respect their wishes to either not have one, or refuse to let you see them once they are born? Because that’s a possibility that you may have earned, because of your treatment of them.
If you’re a child of a parent who wants you to bring a life here, or have relatives and friends saying the same, stay true to your own choices. Sometimes when they say they want what’s best for you, is only what’s best for them. And there’s a chance that you have lived through enough situations unrelated to childbirth where your needs are a distant second to theirs.
The world is full of enough disheartened and hurting people that are comfortable in their mindsets, or learning how to navigate the world for removed from the old thought patterns. The former may not care, but the latter will not want to pass that on to another grown person, and especially the next generation.
It’s high time that the second group get the respect they deserve.
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Gamer
(Edited 1/9/2023)
I have talked about a lot of deep things about my past on here, but here’s one current fun fact about me: I’m a gamer. Not one that stays up on all the latest games, but still keeps my ear to the ground about a few things here and there.
In the time that I have been one, there were multiple personalities explored through it. The fun and the whimsical type, the brooding and melancholic, and anything that’s in between.
This is true when it’s a digital or board game, and too often I have had fun playing them with other people. But I am often reminded of the kinds of gamers that want nothing but to be the star of the show.
I don’t remember if there were any times in the past where I had been that way, but I would not be surprised. Mostly because I can think of more recent years where I had done that in groups outside of gaming, while in others have been able to regulate that mentality.
The former isn’t fun to look back on, but even in a general case, healing comes in waves. I’d imagine the same applies for accountability, except that should be a lot more stapled to your logic versus fleeting.
It’s still a means to escape, though not during the hours of other productive activities.
But there’s one thing I can remember comparing it to long before my healing journey began. It’s that when dealing with certain obstacles, you keep trying until the one way they want you to beat it is complete.
In other cases, it’s fine to handle them a different way than what’s programmed to occur.
It can be through coming back to an area with upgraded gear. Awareness of the battle environments that can benefit you. Even using items you minimally used, or outright neglected early on, until a pivotal moment.
And if things get too hard, or are hard from the start, there are always cheat codes. Just be careful of how you translate comparing that to real life.
This may be a topic worth re-exploring later, but even if you’re not a gamer, you can see how well the logics behind it is relative to our real world functions. In those rare, miraculous instances, you get an extra life, but don’t mess with your real life as if certain codes are on your side.
Otherwise, the game will be over before you even learn how to play it.
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