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The ABC’s of being a POS: Intro
(Edited 08/09/2024)
Note: This upcoming series is for entertainment and educational purposes only. If you wish to learn more about mental health, abusive behaviors, and support, please talk to your primary physician’s office, or a licensed professional.
For emergencies, please call 911, or call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Life is full of a healthy balance of people that deserve hugs or suplexes.
Sometimes both.
There’s a long list of examples of these people in both the past and present, public or private figures, and all types of relationships.
No matter what, the world has its shares of people that deserve attention as much as the others need to be starved from it.
This is dedicated to the second half.
By now you’ve assumed that the POS in the title does NOT mean “point of sale.” It means the other thing.
The one that made you think of a person or people who could understand physical actions more than a sentence about their behavior.
And even though one word or phrase will sometimes be used for each letter, they are not limited to them.
Consider each one a gateway into others that, like the ones chosen here, are tied to each other, and will be mentioned and even repeated within most of them.
So, if you or someone you know is a POS, and you’re looking for how to increase your villain potential, you’ve come to the wrong place.
After all, what better way to talk about the tricks and tips in ways that match your actions towards your targets/marks?
No matter what, remember this quote as this journey begins:
“If it hurts you, it’s about you.”
-Kingston Priest
P.S. – It is understood that there are those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental conditions which will have similar behaviors mentioned here. This is in no way meant to offend them, or their related parties. This project is dedicated to those who choose to behave certain ways that deserve to be spoken about.
First: Animosity
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Mixed Nuts
People, be they strangers, acquaintances, or friends, have a way of reminding you of what you cherish the most in your life. Things like privacy, comedy, genuine peace and comfort in any environment.
Whether it’s in joy, or the opposite of it, they have a way to bring out that unfiltered side of you. One that you do your best to reserve, sometimes around people that you’ve known and grown up with.
Praise the many of you that live their lives unfiltered, even when you’re on the clock. I’m cracking up as I type this, because I know results may vary in different professional settings.
No matter what the life span of your social battery is, or how you divide it between planned gatherings or store runs, it’s important to know who and what’s charging and draining you.
You never know how influential, and even protective, your good vibes can be through proper recharging. Even more when you project them in a way that fits those comforts that you took the time to identify and reinforce.
So even if you are one of the many who say “people suck” (and I’m often one of them), give as much grace as you can around them. They may teach you something about yourself that you weren’t aware of, or forgot all about.
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Thank You
There are many types of people that I’ve talked about. Some more repeatedly than others, and often in a more uncomfortable way.
Let’s switch things up.Thank you to the friends that I’ve made who have seen me grow from the old me into my current self. A handful of you have known me more deeply than those that have literally grown up with me.
Thank you to the older friends that stuck around and gave me proof that my growth is apparent. For reminding me I had a soul worth fighting for, yet for a long time didn’t know how to.
Other sets of friends deserve thanks as well. Ones that aren’t as close as the others, but our engagements are enjoyed, no matter how cute, Gothic, or off-the-wall crazy they can get.
Thank you to a few family members that have taken the time to hear me out, or even read these entries to get an idea of where I’ve mentally been, and where I’d like to be in this journey.
To those I once called friends, lovers, and love interests, I thank you as well. You showed and kept showing me a lot about myself that I needed to change or even reinforce. Regardless of who is to blame for the split, our journeys together are over, but the time was never wasted. Not with what I’ve learned from it all.
To the random strangers that I’ll never know by name*, but helped me vocalize boundaries, or brought unexpected smiles to me, your inspirations will be cherished.
And to those who have found this and connected to any, if not all the entries, I deeply appreciated you.
*I only remember one; an older man who helped fix a flat tire for mom when I was a kid. He told us to ask for “Guy” if we were in the area, and ever needed help again. That never happened, and I’ve yet to even eat at that diner, which is still there. Chances are he’s gone now, but I hope he’s at peace wherever he is. -
The Exorcist
“What possessed you…?”
It’s a question that’s come up now and then whenever I have expressed joy in something.A question that would be towards joint nerdy interests, or my own. It has been a very disarming question. As if you have to explain why you are enjoying something that is not only worth enjoying, but something outside of them.
Which prompts the question in response, “what does possession mean to you?”
What does possession mean to the person who undermines one’s joy?
Why choose those words as if they can’t be turned back on you?
“What possessed you to hurt your family?”
“To lie and cheat on each of them without remorse?”
“To feel that no one will come and finish what one of your exes started on that life-threatening night in your bed, all because you feel invincible with every ‘conquest’ achieved?”
If we are to be possessed by anything, it’s the logic and spirit that celebrates people’s choices of positive expression. And not to interrogate them, as if finding bliss without you is a crime. -
Deja Vu
I wish I could say that all the posts that I make often contain callbacks to the original set that started the entire blog. But it’s appearing differently.
There are notes I’ve noticed get repeated in certain ways, and I like to believe that it’s because of how deep the pain is behind them. I noticed this after I posted my latest entry, where it had a connection to a section that was primarily dedicated to my parents, and others like them.
And while it was initially helpful to release a lot of that, the repetition of that speaks loud to how the healing comes in waves, and takes time to learn how to ride them.
Even repeating the fact that your personal growth and healing is more important than any energy you have put into them will always hit deeply.
Maybe it’s because I’m close to four years into being something that I was living as in these last few decades.
It will be easier to manage through time, but the distance from everything that continues to exist here will make it better.
Boundaries will be strengthened; words won’t be sugar-coated or spared as heavily as they are right now.
As my therapist even mentioned, there’s plenty of things that deserve to be said, but I’m in no place to rock the boat just yet. In making this blog, it’s nice to know that I’m the one controlling these particular waves.
I’ll do my best to keep them calm and carry on.
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War Games
(Edited 11/15/2023)
With a narcissist, victory is the only thing that matters. You may have stood your ground over an issue in a moment, but it sticks with them.
Hours, days, weeks, even months later, they will come back on you with something they know you can’t win against.
They will beat their chest in front of you as if you were being punished for defying them.
As if they ate.
How long does it take until they finally choke on their words?
Unfortunately, it’s not for us to decide when. Unless you want to get in trouble for it, then they’ll win even more for looking like the victim they are proud to be. Anything to make you look inferior to them.
Anything to keep the positive fragile image they’ve built with others intact.
If they don’t feel threatened by you, or anything that you can, yet should say, you are in a “safe space.”
But we know the truth.
If it was safe, there wouldn’t be any reason to have the outbursts that we have over what they’ve done. What we feel they could still do. Outbursts we’re afraid to tell our unconditional loved ones about, at the risk of scaring them.
That’s why it’s up to us to keep moving and regulate any residual emotions that were picked up from them throughout time.
In doing this, it can be like what they’ve done to us. Using our history, our entire being, as a weapon to win every fight they start.
Only this isn’t about narcissism. It’s about the emotional separation of the person we thought we should be for them, over the one we know we deserve to be.
Our awakening, our freedom, is the narcissist’s greatest enemy.
Let’s be that. Better yet, let’s be our own heroes.
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The Color of Money
There’s no denying that money is important in our society. No matter how someone continues to earn it, that’s what they need to achieve or maintain a lifestyle not they aspire to.
But when you’ve lived around people that will bully you about it in some form or another, you can’t help but get disgusted by the idea of money.
The hold that it has on their ego, often leading to gambling addictions.
Even worse, when you can’t get a new job without someone close asking you how much you’re making each time. They will claim that it’s about making sure you’re working for what you deserve, or even hoping you’re making enough to establish something for yourself.
Truth is, the second part can be right, but asking about their earnings should not be of your concern. Not when you are stuck in a backbreaking cycle of toxicity that makes you believe that it’s the only way to live.
And if you’ve lived that way for a certain amount of time, you know how badly it’s affected you, and how you would want something very different from what you grew up with, and around.But not everybody will change. Not when it’s at risk of admitting that they have a long list of problems to answer for.
So if you have to hide your earnings, even lie about them, do what you have to so you can protect your peace until you don’t have to anymore. Until you are in a place to say “it’s none of your business, and that you should worry about your own pockets for a change.”
No pun intended.
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Love Jones
Love has become such a weaponized emotion that when someone experiences it outside of ego, they refused to go back to being submissive and quiet about their pain.
No matter who their audiences in expressing that, all that matters is that they’re free to spread love to inspire others to do the same.
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Questions
For as long as I have dealt with narcissists, combined with times that I mimicked their behavior, I wondered what makes them that way?
For me, I didn’t know any better, and chances are had been absorbing their behavior without realizing it was anything negative. This is primarily true through various homes, extending to the influence of people outside of it.
But for me to realize any of that, it took an impactful loss to even start getting on the path of being better. The type of loss that no longer feels like there was anything to lose, because much was gained since then. Plus, it’s easier to see that time as the first step of waking up to your own toxicity, as well as others.
Will the same apply to other narcissists?
What will they have to lose for them to reflect on their mistakes, acts of deception, anything to make sure they don’t leave behind more victims of their cruelty?
Don’t waste your energy on confronting them about it either. The defense of their acts will try to match the love you have for yourself for not dealing with their class of people anymore.
Whether it’s the loss of one person, or everything that they received through their behavior, it is something worth questioning, but shouldn’t be anything to dwell too hard on.
It’s already bad enough that a narcissist will want you to think about them more than yourself. But no doubt they will hate that you see, and especially speak about them in the negative light that they comfortably bask in.
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Love, Actually
For those that believe in real world romance, it can be quite an adventure.
There are romantic relationships that, in hindsight, were better off as friendships, even become friends afterwards. You have some friendships that lead to romantic connections.
Then you have the romantic interests that turn into the greatest friendships you could ever ask for. You may even find a romantic link because of them.
But there could be a part of you that still wants that friend. Keep that in check, figure out why you think that way. That can get deep, even relative to any trauma bonds, but you may learn it’s better to recognize the traits you find attractive, which reflect your blueprint for your ideal partner.
Don’t let your ego force that friendship into something that it’s probably not meant to be, either in its season or at all.
There’s beauty in the patience, and wonderful power in the surprise.
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Lifeline
“When was the last time you went through something traumatic or anything anxiety filling?
What did you do to calm yourself?
How long did it last until you cut it? To feel it try to work towards that point.
Leave it. If you can’t walk, crawling will still get you closer than standing still or laying down.
I’m even writing this right now while facing that type of episode.
It’s something I’ve never done before but needed to just so I can not only look back add learn what lies under it.”
This is something that happened a few days ago.It was through voice to text, since typing was not an option at that moment.
Still, having the capacity to say this even without finishing it, it’s a feat that I’m patting myself on the back for. It’s no different from journaling, since it can be just as effective in organizing your thoughts.
Just remember the importance of deep breaths during those times. Easier said than done, for sure, but your body and spirit will appreciate the attempt.
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